(Closed) Moving 900 miles without engagement (long)

posted 9 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 17
Member
2904 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Let me give you an option 5.

This is what I did.

 

I uprooted myself, but I got my own place and started my own life with my own (separate) network of friends. So, in a way, I moved for him, but in another way, I just moved. And then, if it worked, it worked, and if it was time to move on, I’d be fine.

 

Don’t move in with him now–it really sounds like you and your family would be uncomfortable with this situation.

 

Do what makes you happy–but choose an option that does not depend on him (not yet, at least).

Post # 18
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I never understand the “list” that men have to accomplish before they get engaged. I feel that if you know you’ve found the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, why wait?

you’re always going to be saving for a future, why not do it together?

You’re always going to be getting to know each other, people change slightly by the different things that happen in their lives, and you both will be learning that by being together. how much more do you have to get to know after 3 years, he should know you pretty well by now.

And maybe you do need to focus on your career, but your career is just one part of your life, he’s another, schools another part, your family and friends, even another. so you have to juggle them all in your life, what’s the difference if you planned a wedding along with that?

I understand feeling rejected, I don’t know rejection is the right word, but i don’t know a better one. you just want to know that he feels the same way about you as you do about him. And before you make your big life decisions, surrounding him, you want to know his cards are all in too.

Sorry if I’m sounding like a Debby downer, i just don’t like when men do this to women.  being the sappy girl I am I would make the move too, I would try to live separate from hi, but it would be hard, I would probably end up at his place most of the time anyway, and rent wouldn’t even be worth paying anymore. I’m so sorry your feeling this way. if it were me I would need some serious affirmation that i am “his girl” and he’s thinking abut a future with me. His time limit is too long for me, but if your ok with it, then go for it. you really care about him and don’t want to loose him. Make sure before you really commit to moving that both of your ideas come to some sort of compromise that you are ok with, because if you tell him you are fine with his 2 year timeline, you might be waiting 2 years before your married, are you ok with waiting that long for him? if yes, then by all means jump in the deep end and swim girl! 

Post # 19
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you should make the move.  But this opinion is just based on my personal experience.  I was in a similar situation a couple years ago (though it was 300 miles, not 900).  We were in a LDR for 2 years and we’d discussed getting engaged but he would always say he couldn’t imagine doing that anytime soon.  I’m not really sure his reasons, but while we were long distance I kept wondering if our relationship would change for the better/worse once we were actually together.  And it got to the point where I really thought that we needed to be together to actually make the decision about getting married.  So I finally was the one that caved in and moved.  Yes, I would have felt better knowing for sure we were going to be together for the long haul (i.e. being engaged before moving), but yet I knew this would be a good test for us as a couple–being able to see what we’re like once we learn each other’s little quirks, etc before making the big decision to get engaged.  And I think once I actually made the move, he understood the seriousness of me uprooting my entire life to be with him and from there he starting thinking about proposing.  Well things worked out and after a few months he proposed.

I think as long as you and your guy are open with each other about your feelings towards being engaged I think it’s a really good idea to go on and move.  You said you all have always been in a long distance relationship right?  And I’m assuming that means you all have just hung out some weekends/vacations here and there.  But there’s a big difference between living together (i.e. cleaning, cooking, and having all the time in the world to hang out) and being together for a weekend trying to cram in “us” time.  From my experience I just think it’d be good for you all to see what life is like living together.

Good luck!

Post # 20
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

as someone who’s done it in the past never move for “just a boyfriend”.  it doesn’t always work.  have a serious talk with your boyfriend and find out why he needs “another year or two”.  if you’re going to uproot your Entire life and move 900 miles from him, you need SOME sort of serious commitment from him!

Post # 22
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You are only 23 and you’ve got a lot of great plans ahead of you. I would not move in with a b/f, I think you should let him know that and talk more about. I dont think its a good idea to move and start your business there and then MIGHT end up breaking up.

Post # 23
Member
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

No way, not even a close call.  If he is 30 and been dating you for 3 years he should know that he wants to marry you.  I think your mother’s advise is fantastic.  There is no way is hell that I would uproot my life and move to be with a man that hasn’t committed.  I wholeheartedly agree with the PP who said that you should talk to him about this and get some answers about what the hold up is.

Post # 24
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

What about move there, to be closer to him, but don’t move in with him? I know that you’re in a tough situation, but I, personally, couldn’t ever choose Option 3. I don’t really think he’s being fair to you. And he shouldn’t be feeling resentful for your “ruining” the proposal (Which you know you didn’t do, right? Not even a little bit.) You are making a huge sacrifice and i don’t feel like you’re expecting too much, ESPECIALLY since you’ve been honest about your feelings and expectations from the beginning.

I know it’s hard to imagine, but just for a second put yourself in your shoes two years from now. What if he still hasn’t proposed? Then what? How would you feel?

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