moving away ? Fiance staying?

posted 3 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 21
3837 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My Fiance took a job in his hometown in another state, but I have to stay in a different town to finish my studies. We have a plan though, I’m definitely moving to be with him in the new year. It’s about 5 months that we have to be apart and with about 3 visits in that time. We have experience being long distance. It kinda sucks sometimes but we’re doing fine. I don’t know how it would work without a solid plan, my Fiance definitely wouldn’t be able to handle it. He keeps a countdown of the exact dates when we can see each other! So if this is truly a great opportunity for you you could do it, but have a plan! I.e. have an exact date when you will either you will move back or he will move to you. Is he committed to looking for a job in Texas?

Post # 22
627 posts
Busy bee

geesfern86 :  I’m glad it helped! I’ve had a few long-distance relationships, and I can tell you that what’s hardest is when things are open-ended. Having a solid end date can help you feel more secure and optimistic. It might help you guys to say that you’ll give this a shot for x months (maybe 3-4?) and then make a decision together about where to live, with the idea that you’d be back together within 6 months.

I hope this helps with your thinking!


Post # 23
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would never personally recommended initiating a long distance relationship unless it is for specific, extremely beneficial reasons such as school or a better career opportunity. In this case, yes you will be getting to work with your sister and her husband, but ultimately that is the only benefit I can see you getting from this decision. 

If you live in New York, as PPs have said, there must be plenty of other offices and opportunities for a dental hygienist. You may be happy working with your sister, but the added cost of living, travel expenses, and emotional struggles that will come along with a long distance relationship seem to outweigh that small benefit. 

You appear to be in a lose-lose situation with this decision as it is. So, I say if you are unhappy in your current office, begin searching for a better fit without making a big move. Moving to Texas may (briefly) improve your happiness, but it is ultimately not a career improvement and is certainly not worth placing the added stress of long distance on your relationship (e.g. you may have a better work environment, but you will be unhappy with the distance). 

I can understand how being unhappy in your job can affect other areas of your life, which in turn sometimes makes us feel the need to make irrational decisions in hopes that will solve the problem. The prospect of working for your sister probably brought you so much instant joy and excitement that you didn’t really think through the other aspects of what all such a move would entail, which, again, is something I totally understand.

However, if it is your overall quality of life/relationship you are unsatisfied with, then that is something entirely different and something you will need to be honest with yourself about.

Post # 24
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

geesfern86 :  In that case if you’re engaged and just want to do a 1 year stint away to get a feel for a new place, help out your family, and make some cash, why not? You’re already planning on spending on moving back (or he move to Tx) and spending the rest of your life with him. Plus you already know what it’s like to be with him in a short distance relationship, so it’s not like another few months/year will help you get to know him THAT much better. I say go for it – get some fresh air but discuss how you both will manage an LDR. Also,

Only thing is, wedding planning can be hard long distance, but I guess your sister could help.

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