Post # 1
Hi girls and boys,
I am looking for advice. My boyfriend and I are currently searching for a home and in the middle of pre approvals and meetings with realtors. We pay $1300 a month in rent plus utilities, car payments, college payments, etc. We have decent credit but definetly would like to pay off some debt before we enter into a life of mortgage payments.
My mom has graciously offered(several times) to let us move in with her. Now that we are in the last 3-4 months of house searching we have started to seriously consider it. We don’t *want* to, but we know that financially it’s the right thing to do so we can pay off some debt and increase our savings before we buy a home.
Besides that fact that I feel like a failure (Im 25, b/f is 30-we both went to college, have good jobs, and haven’t lived at home since we were 18) I am really afraid of the toll it might have on our relationship. We’ll be living in one bedroom (my childhood bedroom) and my mom, brother, and grandmother all live in the house. Thats a lot of people and NO privacy. I know it’s only a short amount of time, but I am terrified. We work all day and don’t get home until 7 or 8 so during the week I don’t expect much of a change. But the weekends we generally lounge around the house, cook dinners together and watch movies.
Have any of you bee’s experienced anything like this? How do/did you survive it? All suggestions are welcome!
Post # 3
We live with my Mother-In-Law and SIL is home two nights a week as well. It’s really not that fun, and I totally understand the privacy thing. We mostly confine ourselves to the bedroom, and it does take the sexy down a notch (not walking around it skimpy pjs, no showers together, etc), but otherwise it’s really not too bad. The key is talking with your parents first about boundries and such. As long as they give you space, I think it’s doable. Discuss if there are chores you’re responsible for, what dinner arrangements would be like, find out if they expect you to adhere to rules you had as a teenager, etc. As long as everyone is in agreement, problems will be kept to a minimum.
Post # 4
I dont know… if you find a way to make it work to stay in your current apartment, I think that’s a better idea than moving back home. It would not be an easy transition to be under someone else’s house rules …
Post # 5
That is a lot of people in one house…I know people who do this temporarily but I definitely could not do it. If you think it’ll be bad for your self esteem, it’ll definitely be bad for your relationship.
Financially, moving home with your parents is always a fiscally-sound idea. But there’s something to be said about doing it on your own as a couple. I think hurdles like this make you stronger in the long run.
Not judging people who do this, i just believe in standing on your own two feet as much as you can, especially since you both have arleady broken away from living with them. Moving back home is the hardest thing EVER.
Post # 6
Ok I have done this. It does suck. Not gonna lie, but you said 3 mths? You could make it 3 mths. Just realize the intimacy part of your relationship will suffer a bit. But you can make it through that. Get a hotel once a mth. Since you will be saving so much CA$H!
I would talk w/ your mother about what she expects out of you as roomates. Ask her if you need to contribute to any bills, food and etc. (Chores Included).
Write it all down in a very informal contract. Have everyone sign it, so there is no he said she said, I said kind of thing.
Then move in, and realize it is gonna suck. But you will be able to pay all this debt off. And really 3 months isn’t that long.
And actually pay off the debt! Me and my Fiance said the same thing, and instead went on shopping sprees. (Stupid.. I know) Prolonging our stay. Bleh.
You are not a failure! You are buying a house soon at the age of 25, have a good job, finished college. This is just a little help from your mom, to enter into your house with little to no debt.
Post # 7
I agree 3 months isn’t horrible. Add up the money you will save. Just rent alone would be $1,300* 3 so about $3,900. Thats a good chunk of change!
We lived with my FI’s parents (before being engaged) when we were saving for a house. It wasn’t ideal, it increased my commute to over an hour each way but we did it. I think the key was that his parents were very laid back and we still had our private space.
Post # 8
We did it and survived! We were in the middle of closing on our home and our landlord would not let us stay an extra month, so we moved in with my Future In-Laws. It was great…dinner was made for us and there was a pool for the summer! And not to mention we lived rent free,it was great! 🙂
Post # 9
I don’t know if my experience will help, but I’ll share it. I moved in with an ex-BF’s parents for 6 months while he was looking to buy a home. He also technically lived there, but he was deployed at the time, so he wasn’t there physically. I hated it. I would vacuum or do the dishes, but if I didn’t do them in front of his mom, she’d claim that I hadn’t done anything. I would do some other chores, but they had maids come in every week, and a gardner too, so there really wasn’t much I could do for them. Most of the time I was accused of being lazy and anti-social because when I would get home from work (after 12 hour days) all I wanted to do was eat dinner, watch my show and go to sleep. And I never realy felt that I saved any money. I paid down some debts, but since I didn’t see any change in my savings account, I still felt like I came out with the same as I went in with. Overall it only made tensions grow between my ex-BF’s crazy mother and me. When we did finally move into a new house, the title was under his name, and he held the mortgage on it. When I dumped him, I didn’t have to worry about paying the mortgage or housing tax or anything since I legally didn’t have an obligation.
Post # 10
My Fiance and I moved back in with my mom right after we graduated from college. I was 21 and he was 24 and neither of us had lived at home for several years because we usually stayed in Connecticut during breaks. We stayed in one bedroom and lived with my mom and younger brother. The rooms are SO Close and we shared a bathroom with my brother. It wasnt the best time in our lives, but it really wasnt that bad! I was working at the time and my Fiance was unemployed and looking so he was home all day while I didnt get home until 6 or 7. We are the same as you that when its just the two of us we lounge around on the weekends and cook and watch movies. When we lived with my mom we just made it a point to get out more and go on more dates for the “us” time. Do NOT feel like a failure – I think in your situation you should feel ok because you are just doing it as a temporary thing to start you off right in your new house!
Post # 11
Forgot to mention that it was almost 3 months that we lived back at home…..yes it did put a damper on the sex life, but once we moved into our own place things went back to normal!
Post # 12
Thanks everyone for your responses. As you can imagine, this isn’t an easy decision to make. I totally agree with doing this on our own and not asking for help. Like my boyfriend said last night, this is really a pride thing. We are embarassed that we even have to consider it but in the long run we both know its for the best.
Of course we still have to talk to my mom about the “rules” of the house. She is pretty laid back so I don’t see it as being an issue. The privacy thing will definetly be hard. Just this morning while getting ready for work we were running around half dressed and drinking our coffee and I was thinking that this will definetly NOT happen for 3 months. Sad 🙁 Going from a large 2 bedroom apartment to being confined to one bedroom will be an adjustment for sure. We will be going to open houses and searching for homes so our weekends will be filled with that at times.
I’m just nervous :/
Post # 13
If someone had room for my SO and I… Ide take it. we would save a lot!
Post # 14
Another possibility you might think about is moving to a much smaller apartment, if you can get a short lease. A studio might be a lot cheaper than your current place, you could store stuff at your mother’s house but still have privacy. Could that work as a compromise?