(Closed) Moving Forward or Moving On?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What Do You Think I Should Do?
    Move Foward, With Him : (11 votes)
    41 %
    Move On, Get Over Him : (16 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Maybe you moving out was the catalyst for making him change.  Instead of feeling bad about him improving I think you should be excited.

    Post # 4
    Member
    9955 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hmmmm, NO WHERE in your post have you told us what he’s said… or his thoughts on the matter.

    Change on his part could come about in my mind because of two if not 3 reasons…

    1- He has found it easier to grow as his own person now that he is alone

    2- He sees this also as a time for the two of you to make improvements… and so he’s out to prove to you that he can be a stand-up guy for you… so when you are ready, he’ll be ready too

    or

    3- He has met someone else, and that is the motivator to his change

    Honestly, I think it is more than likely it is a combo of # 1 and # 2

    He’s come to realize that life is great when you are around, and now he is afraid of losing you… he’s stepped up his game, so he can be there for you when the time is right.

    He may not have come right out told you this, because he realizes your getting in a better place is a process… and something he may not be able to dictate, or put a timeframe on (as in mark on a calendar)

    Honestly, think you shouldn’t let this all weigh you down… this is something you need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about… to see what is what, and where you stand.

    (( HUGS ))

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    427 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Congrats on taking control of your life and improving your health! Depression is tough and you should feel proud that you are doing well for yourself. I might have to agree about the reason for his changes. He might feel that in order to make things work he needs to show you that he can be motivated and change for the better. I wouldn’t lose hope in getting back together but I also wouldn’t dwell on it, just focus on your health and being happy. If you really need to confront those questions, maybe when you think the timing is right you can sit him down and talk to him about it. In order to have a good relationship you need to know how to communicate so sharing your thoughts with him might be a good step.

    Post # 8
    Member
    6745 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    A LOT of guys do all the things their GFs nagged them about during the relationship, as soon as they’re broken up with.  I wish I had an answer why for you, I really do.  But the truth is that the likelihood is that once you two get back together, it will be right back to where you were. 

    As examples – I had an ex that had a long list of things that he refused to do for whatever reason and as soon as we broke up, he did each and every one of them.  My friend’s ex for 8 years on and off it was the SAME cycle – she would say, “I want this this and that” and then they’d break up and then he would do this this and that and then they’d get back together and then he would stop and the fights would start all over again. 

    And, once you’re broken up with, lots of things change.  I know that I have changed certains things about myself with each boyfriend I dated and each time we broke up.  It’s not always on purpose.  Sometimes it’s just how you respond to a situation. 

    So it’s really up to you whether you want to see where this goes and if you think he’s really made a change and you two are both in a place to date each other again and whatnot.  Personally, I don’t believe in on-again-off-again relationships, although I do know plenty of people who have had “breaks” and made it work afterwards, but for me, if I broke up with you once before for a reason, then unless I’ve given up caring about that reason or that reason no longer exists, chances are, we’ll break up again for the same reason.  I just don’t believe that people REALLY change. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    699 posts
    Busy bee

    I hate to be a devils advocate but it seems he’s better off without you. The wrtings on the wall. I think you should both move on and be happy. He’s not worth your tears. Have you asked him why he’s changing “after ” you left?

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    Sometimes two good people are not good for each other and are better off on their own. He didn’t support you through the dark time in your life that means when you have other problems in life he will not be there for you. From the little that I’ve read today, I would gather that you need a better support system for yourself that does not include this man.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1586 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I didn’t vote. I think you should take things as they are for now. Ignore the 5 years history. If you think it might be worth seeing where it goes, date him like you would someone new and grow with him again. Remember your past and tread cautiously, but treat it like a newer relationship and learn the new ways you guys are acting.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    “Taking a break” is breaking up. Being friends with ex’s only causes pain. 

    If you want him back, tell him you want him back. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Given what you’ve told us, I’d say move on. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Honestly he probably just has a lot more free time now that you both aren’t spending all your time arguing.  I find that when I go through a big change it gets me out of my comfort zone and I become more ready to try new things.  Like I already feel uncomfortable so I might as well do these three things that make me feel uncomfortable too.  Does that make sense?  

     

    The thing that bothers me most about your story is his inability to deal with your depression.  I have severe depression and have for my whole life.  Most days I’m fine with medication but I still have bad days sometime.  My Darling Husband is so good at dealing with me during those times.  He will just agitate the hell out of me until I get up and get ready, and it makes me mad, but it is so helpful!  Sometimes I need someone to drag me out of my dark little hole kicking and screaming.  I really hope that you find the person that can not only deal with your depression, but be super supportive.  Maybe he can be that person with a few changes, but maybe he can’t.  I agree you need to have a heart to heart.  The worst thing that could happen is you end things and yes, you’ll feel a lot of pain, but then you can begin moving on.  Being stuck in limbo sucks even worse than that!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1252 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    So the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side.  But the bottom line is that you both are obviously better off apart than you were together, for whatever reason.  What you had was broken, time to stop looking backwards.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1460 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @DragonLotus:  I was just thinking that maybe you leaving was the kick in the pants he needed to make a change.  Have you discussed things with him?  You’ll never know for sure until you ask him.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I didn’t vote, I don’t feel like I could consciously give you advice on what to do regarding this situation for a few reasons.

    The details you have provided make it sound like you 2 never actually broke up, that you just moved out in order for you both to have breathing room, that does not equate to a break up, it seems you were straight forward from the get go that this was a temporary decision IMO.

    At the same time, you being concerned that he might be moving on or getting over you makes me question my initial thoughts.

    You 2 meeting up regularly and updating eachother on your lives sounds like you were both thinking this is a temporary thing. But again you seem to be saying that you are discussing your goals and dreams as a individual thing and not as a couple. 

    My overall opinion is that you need to have a serious discussion with this person, he could be trying to better himself for you but it sounds more likely he’s trying to better himself for the next girl he gives his heart to.

    The topic ‘Moving Forward or Moving On?’ is closed to new replies.

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