(Closed) Moving from hometown as newlyweds: good or bad experience?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: moving away after getting married
    We moved (far) away after our wedding...and it's been an amazing adventure. So happy : (6 votes)
    32 %
    We moved (far) away after our wedding...and it's been hard, but we're working on being happy : (9 votes)
    47 %
    We moved (far) away after our wedding...and I've been miserable. Lonely, sad, homesick : (0 votes)
    We will be moving after our wedding and I can't WAIT!! : (3 votes)
    16 %
    We will be moving after our wedding and I'm nervous, but it should be fine...I hope... : (1 votes)
    5 %
    We will be moving after our wedding and I am devestated and dreading it. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Its lonely for sure when you move we are 14 hours away from our family so we cant head down for a weekend of moms dinners. If your FI is in a situation where he can make friends that will really help. DH does not like to make friends with anyone bellow him and there are very few people around who are in similar situations (we are business owners and managers and live with a bunch of waitors and cooks). Things will be different but if your in a big city its much much easier to make new friends.

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    18654 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    It’s hard moving far away.  We moved about 20 hours away from where we lived right after we got married.  There are ways for you to meet people: volunteering, finding groups of people like you, and finding a job will definitely help you to meet people.  It was hard for me being alone, I had school for the first year but I didn’t really hang out with the people outside of school so I was alone a lot.  It does get easier and once you find people, you will feel like you fit in better.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1677 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t have personal experience moving far away from home yet (we live about 1.5 hours away, though we hope to move farther soon), but my BFF did. She moved 14 hours away right after she and her DH got married. From everything she’s told me (we talk a lot; almost everyday), it’s been hard but not unpleasant. She misses home, friends, and family, but she’s made new friends and it’s been an exciting new experience. I don’t think it’s her ideal scenario, but I do think she’s enjoyed it (mostly). 

    Personally, I have less attachment to my hometown (i.e. slim to none). I want to experience “bigger and better” things, and DH and I are hoping to have that chance after graduation (5 months away). We won’t be newlyweds, but it will be a new experience. I think whether or not you’ll enjoy it all depends on your personality (whether or not you want to experience new things) and your outlook on the situation (whether or not you look at it as a negative thing or a great opportunity). I know that sounds somewhat silly and too much like a motivational bumper sticker, but it seems to be true in most situations like this. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1064 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We didn’t move away after our wedding but we moved about 600 miles after we got engaged. It was one of the best things I have ever done in my life. I met new friends, amazing people, I did new things. I fell in love with a state/area that I didn’t know would happen. Your husband is going to med school, that is amazing! Moving can be amazing, but that is if you don’t mope in your apartment all day. Do you have hobbies? We have a few, that’s how we met some people. Go to book clubs, do you workout? Run? Find a run club.. You are lucky your family is so close, my mother is one of my best friends and was always 10 hours away (at least). That was hard, but I got used to it. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We moved right after getting married (like literally we packed the car the day we got back from our honeymoon).  It was tough inititally – figuring everything out on your own, but we spent a lot of time driving around looking for stuff or riding the buses around town so we picked up on the city really quickly and joined a couple activities to meet people.  Its been slow to develop good friendships, but I’ve tried to keep a really open mind to new activities and do as many of them with people as I can (for example a gal from my bootcamp invited me to go to Marley-fest with her, I am absolutely not a smoker (and turns out neither is she) but I went anyways and we’ve become really good friends since that).  Making new friends and establishing yourself in a new city is a ton more work than staying where you’re comfortable but its not totally lonely and scary either (though it is sometimes a little lonely and scary but you just get through it).

    Post # 8
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    This is an opportunity to really bond together. Moving after the wedding was really exciting and it was an adventure. It also showed our true colours to each other and how much support we can expect from each other. You meet people everywhere you go. Especially once you find local clubs for your hobbies, you will find new friends 🙂 It is also awesome to make friends as couple, these usually last a lifetime 🙂 Don’t let you fear get the best of you, this could be the best thing ever for you as a married couple to establish yourself without interference.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1351 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    We just moved 11hrs away. And I love it. Right now I’m studying for the bar, so we haven’t had a chance to start exploring. However, I feel that much closer to my DH than before. It’s an adventure!

    Post # 11
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I did that for my hubby too. The Engineering students far away from home were really happy to get a home cooked meal and a cozy place to study instead of the dorm or the stinky library. But they did disappear for overnighters at school all the time. I had to make sure I was busy with something I love doing, otherwise, it was driving me nuts.

    It’s all in how you handle the stress, really. Having your family 3 hours away is fantastic. It is close enough for you to go there if you get hopelessly home sick. Yet far away that you can have your own space.

    Post # 12
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I was in pretty much the same situation as you. I moved with my DH (then-FI) 6 hours away from friends/family for him to attend medical school. Honestly? It sucked big time at first, because he was busy with school and he has the mindset that “I’m only going to know these people for 2 years, so why try to make good friends?” Well that was fine for him, because he was busy all the time and got some good social interaction at school. I work at a bank, and the people I work with are extremely boring. I have 2 people I can talk to at work, but we don’t hang out outside of work. So I traveled home a lot.

    But things have gotten better the more I’m used to being out here. I wish I liked our state better (it’s in the middle of the corn fields, not somewhere cool like Colorado or California where you can do all sorts of cool outdoorsy things). My advice, if you’re a very social person, is to try to join clubs to make your own friends. I haven’t done that, and at this point, I know we’re moving within a year or so, so it’s not top priority for me (plus we’re expecting now, so I can’t do any drinky activities).

    Just make your expectations known to your DH (like have a dinner date once a week, or cuddle time on the couch on thursdays for an hour, or something like that) so you don’t get yourself into a funk, because it can be really easy if you don’t have good friends or family nearby. Good luck with your new husband and new life experience!!

    Post # 13
    Member
    945 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We will be moving away shortly after our wedding… don’t know where yet, but likely at least a couple hours by air to get there. I’m not going to lie, I’m nervous. It’s a huge adjustment from having friends and family around. But I’m going to make the best of it. I’m trying to look at it as a fun adventure.

    Post # 14
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We aren’t married yet, but FI and I moved across Canada (literally coast to coast) about 2 years ago and were over 15 hours driving away from our closest family (his). It was the best thing we ever did for our relationship. 

    We had to make new friends together, develop a new routine, find new interests, and we got to explore a whole new part of the country together which has fulfilled some of our neverending wanderlust. Most importantly, we found that we could just rely on eachother without family, and that made us even stronger. 

    Now, coming back to stay with my family on the West Coast for the summer, we are missing our new home we’ve made on the East Coast. We are missing our home and the life we have built together. 

    I recommend being open to the idea and receptive to others stories and advice. I know you are worried that you won’t make friends or like a new life away from the life you already know, but just think of it as a fresh start for both you and your DH. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    3672 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    A few months after our wedding we moved a 20+ hour drive away from our families.  We loved being able to explore a new place and due to my husband being in a contracting job, we would probably have kept moving around like that to explore new areas.  However, I got pregnant a few months after we moved and that was what made it hard.  We moved within two hours of our families a couple of weeks ago at the very end of my pregnancy.  

    We felt like we were able to bond more and learn that we could definitely be on our own by being that far away.  We mainly decided to move back to have help with the baby and be closer so she’d know her family better.

    Overall, it was hard being away from everyone but we also both agreed that without a baby coming anyday now, he probably would have taken a few more contract opportunities before we settled down somewhere. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    6010 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    We moved right after we graduated from college, about 9/10 months before we got married.  It was kinda hard at first because my husband had a job, but I didn’t, and we literally knew no one else in town.  After a month or so, though, I was able to find a job and we started up a book club to meet new people.  We also went out with some peopel at my husband office, which was nice.  Overall, I think the experience brought us closer together.  We really had to rely on each other, and for a while, we were each other’s only friend, so we got even closer than we had been before.  🙂

    It’s scary at first, but I’m sure you’ll adjust just fine!  Give it some time, and really try to get out and meet new people.  Once you start putting down some roots, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable with the whole situation.

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