(Closed) Moving in before getting engaged…. is that all right?

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Is it right for both of you? That’s the only question that matters. I, for one, moved in with my husband long before we talked about getting engaged.

Post # 18
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You’re not a hypocrite–things change. You’re being flexible =]

Post # 19
Member
1387 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Fiance and I moved in together before being engaged.  We were in a similar situation as you– I was renting out a room near school, and he had his own apt.  We were spending every night together at his place.  We both knew that we wanted to marry each other, sooner or later.  After 5 months of living together, he proposed.  It all worked well for us, and I have a feeling it will for you toO!  Wink

Post # 20
Member
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh I totally get you on this! Mr. KM and I reaaaaaaally want to move in together. It’s really hard on me when he goes home every. single. night. I’m in tears most nights of the week cause he’s living at his parents right now to save some money. When he was still in his apartment, he stayed over every night! However, neither of our parents knew, and they’re the reason we don’t live together already. They would FLIP if they found out and/or knew we had even thought about it. Super conservative.

I think for you and your guy… you know better than anyone whether or not it would be a good move (ah ha), but the worries about you ending your relationship concern me. If you’re worried about your relationship ending, it’s probably not the best idea. Especially if you’re in a weird limbo of getting engaged or breaking up. Moving in might put too much pressure on you to make it work.

Post # 21
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with everyone else who said it’s a personal decision.  Fi and I bought a house together after 1.5 years of dating.  Prior to that, we weren’t “officially” living together, but like you, I was paying for an apartment that I was just basically using for storage, and spending the rest of my time at the then BF’s house.  It just made sense/felt right for us to buy a house together.    After living in our house for 2 years, he proposed.  Personally, best decision ever for us.  But, to each their own ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Fiance and I both agreed early on in our relationship we never wanted to live with a sig. other unless we were engaged (I did it once, right out of college…living with an ex for 2 months while looking for a new place will turn even the most peaceful and respectful break-up ugly).  I didn’t want to live with someone to just “play house” which is what I think I’d done before, looking back.  When we were ready to move to the next level, we got engaged (in June) and planned to find a new place together at the end of Dec once his lease was up.  Of course, once we were engaged, all bets were off – he kicked his roommate out (politely!) and I moved in 4 wks later=)

Post # 24
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My now fiance is the first guy I ever lived with, and we actually broke up and I kicked him out TWICE during our 5+ year relationship… but we learned a lot from our mistakes and grew from them, and grew together.

The rough patch was tough, but we got through it thankfully.  I think living together before marriage now a days is an integral part of a relationship.  You really get to know the person before you decide if you want to live with them forever.  Wink

Post # 25
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

mmmtacos, I understand how it is to worry about what your family will think/approve of, so I think only you will know how it will be to either live with your SO or not and deal with your family’s reactions. Sometimes you gotta do what’s right for you, even if your family can’t see that yet. Good luck with your decision!

 

P.S. My father moved in with my mother after knowing each other for a week (he was not allowed to answer the phone in case it was my grandmother calling or she would have FLIPPED!) and they are celebrating their 31st wedding anniversary this Wednesday.

Post # 26
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I guess my story is a little different! My Teddy and I have been talking about marriage…i know that the ring will be here sometime between january and march…I really would love to live with him but it is also my family that is the issue. KMSull I am totally in the same boat…My parents are UBER conservative…but also divorced. Coming from a divorced family has made me and my parents a little bit more cautious about these sorts of things. Im kind of just continuing my plans for life in general right now…i just bought a house on my own…when we are engaged i think we will consider him moving in (if i think my parents wont have a heart attack)….and if not of course we will when we are married…and if some crazy thing happens and it doesnt work out…i still have my starter home…and if everything turns out fine and dandy we will probably buy a bigger better house in about 3 to 4 years time. But we sleep in the same bed every night and trust me…if my family didnt really care either way…he would def be moving in right now…it is hard to look at the financial part…because you are right it does not make ANY sense financially. So i would go with your gut instinct on this one…and do whatever YOU feel is right…as you can see we have all had really different experiences and that has been the deciding factor

Post # 27
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Honestly, when I moved in with my BF I wasn’t even ready for a ring. We moved in together because we knew we loved each other and if we ever were going to get married, this would be a good trial run. Now we have live together for about 2 years and I am starting to get anxious about the ring ๐Ÿ™‚

 

My parents were not thrilled about me moving in with my BF. They didnt think it was the right choice, but now that we have been together for so long, we have proven them wrong! My mom takes comfort that I have someone here who will take care of me. You are their daughter, they will love you no matter what…even if it takes some time for them to adjust.

Post # 28
Member
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I moved in with my husband a year before we were engaged. At the time I still had my apt, but literally never stayed there (I cut the cable, and turned off the AC) so it really felt like a waste of money.

I had hesitations about living together before we were engaged, mainly for the reason that I didn’t want to be dependant on him, so we agreed to put all my furniture in storage, that way, if for some reason things didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be left high & dry. Also, I had personal hesitations, I wasn’t all for a couple living together before marriage, but my husband really felt strongly about living together BEFORE getting engaged b/c he felt that you need to make sure that you can actually live with one another.

All in all if was a great decision for us. Moving in with someone is stressful & there were alot of arguments in the beginning & Im thankful that we arn’t experiencing that stress right now being newlyweds ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 29
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would say only move in with him if you have a firm plan of the timeline and you both agree to it.  I know a lot of people who move in because it makes things easier on you financially, but there’s a lot of emotional heartache and drama if one person thinks that means that they’re getting proposed to soon, and the other one is just thinking “it saves money”. 

Post # 31
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My fiance was wasting money on a place but I really wanted to be engaged before we lived together.  Ideally I would have waited until we were married but it’s not always smart when you’re renting and trying to save for a house.  His place was just a half mile away but we were always at my house.  He even stayed at my house when I was out of town.  It was nice though having somewhere to go when my roommates had people in town for the weekend or something similar.

it sounds like you should move in as long as you see the engagement coming soon and have no doubts about that.  I worried about “what if we break up?” and having to split things that are purchased together, etc.

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