Post # 1
I’m just curious to hear a few opinions on something. My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together in a few months. I bought my own place back in March and he’s renting so he will be moving into my house. I’ve been trying really hard to make sure that he will feel like it’s his house as much as it is mine and that he won’t be living in “my” house. I mean technically it’s my house but I want him to feel like it’s his home as much as it is mine. I know this isn’t going to happen over night but I want to do what I can. My house still needs some loving touches like some new furniture and pictures on the walls and things so I’ve included him in that planning process and we will be doing some shopping together. He wants to paint one of the walla in the kitchen, no big deal. He wants to make the spare room into a games room where he can go with his buddies. Great idea, little space of his own and that way I don’t have to listen to them play games haha.
Anyway, so I had this thought the other day that maybe when he moves in I take a few days and go visit my parents to give him some time to settle in and feel like its his space. You know, take a few days to sort himself out and get comfortable without feeling like he’s in my space and make it feel like his space too. I very briefly mentioned it to him while we were making dinner the other day and he seemed to like the idea, although we didn’t really get into it. Then today I mentioned it to one of my friends over coffee and she looked at me like I had two heads! Am I being weird about this? I mean I’m so excited to live with him so I guess it might seem weird if I took off right away or something, I just thought it might help him transition to living with me. It’s not like I’d leave right away or anything, I’m sure we’d celebrate the first night together or something.
Anyway, not a big deal really and I guess everyone does things their own way but I’m just curious what your thoughts are 🙂
Post # 2
I actually think that’s a good idea and very considerate. I know that when I’ve lived in shared houses etc I’ve felt more relaxed living there after I’ve had some time there alone, I also felt like that after having some alone time in the flat I share with my Fiance even though we moved in at the same time.
Post # 4
I don’t think you should leave for a few days. I think you sould stay and make him feel comfortable. I mean i look at it as you leave for a few days and than you come back and you are back at square one where he is uncomfortable because he doesn’t know how to act around you or what he should do on a daily basis. He gets comfortable while your gone and then you show up again. I just think you should work it all out and with time it will feel normal. No matter what you do gone or not he is going to have adapt. Thats just my personal opinion.
Post # 5
I think that instead of a few days maybe you can give him a whole day in the house by himself. Spent the first night together than the next morning leave to go to your parents or do errands so he has time to adjust and than in the evening like 8pm or sometime the same day you can bring over supper. He needs to adjust to you living there too.
Post # 6
I don’t think you have to overthink it so much 🙂
When my husband and I moved in together we moved into his tiny one room flat (+kitchen), and it was a crazy mess of boxes and junk. We lived together temporarily in his tiny flat until our new place was ready.. it was hectit and definitely a huge transition but we had a lot of laughs.. things will just fall into place when he moves in, imo.
Post # 7
I think your heart is in the right place and you’re placing his comfort over your own… But, I part of that feeling like his home as well is you being there with him. That’s the entire point of living together. He isn’t moving in for the house, he’s moving in to spend more time with you. You going to your parents isn’t going to make the experience even remotely real for him. But you know him and I don’t so I say do what makes you both feel comfortable.
Post # 8
I HATED unpacking infront of FI- he got so anxious and would just ride my ass about every item- what’s this? What’s that? Do you need this? Where are you putting that? Don’t put that there, this goes there put that here! Do you need that many sweaters/shoes/bags/etc ?
We got in more fights those first weeks of move in then our whole relationship combined! I eventually blew up at him and decided to unpack only while he was working.
So yes, give him some space!!
Post # 9
Dont think you need to stay away for overnights though, or maybe just a weekend.
Post # 10
I don’t think you should leave right away…that’d be too confusing. Like what do you want to do with silly duplicates? Do you want to put his windex under the sink or should you combine them? These decisions you need to work on together.
My husband and I waited until we were married but he had just baught a house. If you are truly combining, it’s going to take effor and work. That said, he travels for work so I got to enjoy some time cleaning adn doing things myself after we had some “ground rules” set. So a trip away sounds like a good idea, but I would highly discourage doing it right away.
Post # 11
I actually think you’re way overcompensating. Do you also get a separate room for whatever your equivalent of games is? I’m worried that he’ll “adjust” alone and then you’ll clash. The idea is you’re moving in TOGETHER, so that’s what you (and he) should get used to.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2016 - Modern, Classic, Fun
I personally don’t think it’s a big deal that you need to leave to give him some time alone in your place together. It’s now both of yours now, so make it a home together. My Fiance and I have been living together 4 out of the 5 years we’ve been together and we never found that to be a problem. In fact, I remember when I first moved in he helped me unpack and cleared out an entire closet for me which was so cute. I thought we would share a closet but he just gave it up for me!! We moved my stuff in together and it was really fun 😉
Post # 13
Yeah, I think that you’re fussing over this too much. He’ll get used to living there eventually and make it his own over time. I know that if I was in his position, the last thing that I would want was to be all excited about moving in together and then having my SO just leave me alone. What happens when you get back and he’s unpacked everything in the wrong places? I think that unpacking is something that you need to do together, especially when you are combining two homes, there may be duplicates to deal with and other stuff you should decide together.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Grizzlie: I don’t think you need to make a specific effort to do this. Naturally as time goes on he will be able to be alone at times in the house and get used to it. the idea of moving in together is not so that he can get used to being in your house alone, it’s so that he can get used to sharing his living space with you and you with him. I feel like it’s almost counter productive to make an effort to leave in those first few days. I would definitely give him his space to unpack his personal things like clothes, photos etc but part of unpacking and merging your things is going to require that you both be there. Even if only for you to have input on where things go.
I think your heart is in the right place. But I don’t think this will achieve the desired result. Being alone in a new house that isn’t “mine” doesn’t make me feel like it’s more mine. In fact, it would make me feel really awkward since I would want my partner there to have a say in where I set up my stuff since it will become “our” stuff.
I sure hope you get your own room too. A man cave is all good but i get the feeling you are setting things up for him to feel like he’s living by himself in your home when really he’s gotta get used to sharing his living space with someone. It’s not a bachelor pad.
Post # 15
As someone who moved into my DH’s house (then BF), I don’t think this is necessary. It sounds like you recognize that he will need some things to call his own and that’s the most important thing you can do for him, in my opinion.
Yes, it can get a bit stressful! As the two of you decide between who’s coffee maker is better, or… freeing up enough closet and storage space, especially if it’s limited. Our first month was by far the worst one but if you communicate, you will get through it and laugh at it later.