Moving in Together

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Hello! I believe that he either 1) Is leaving it out of the conversation because to him, it’s no big deal or 2) He is leaving it out for some other reason, perhaps that relationship had some kind of impact on him negatively and he’d rather not bring the woman up? I would sit down and talk with him and express to him that you would really like to know why he won’t talk about it if it’s just going to eat you up inside not knowing. I would say definitely put your point of view out on the table because your feelings matter just as much as his. If he acts like he is scared to talk to you about something, just reassure him that he can always talk to you about anything. My husband and I got married 2 months ago, have been together for 5 years, never lived together until moving in our first house this past March. We discussed some things about moving in together, but didn’t really dwell on the “change” that it could be for us because we didn’t want to worry. We had plenty of people tell us we should have rented an apartment together before getting a house together and only being engaged at the time. It worked out for us though, we’ve been in our house for 6 months and things are running smoothly. I would definitely say that if you end up having a gut feeling that you should wait a little longer to see if you really think it’s a good idea to move, I would wait a little while. It seems like you have some things you want to find out about him still.

Post # 3
Member
7594 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
secondchancer12 :  It is probably not significant that he hasn’t mentioned it. But if you’re worried, just ask him, “hey did you live with your ex?” and go from there. Most likely he hasn’t brought it up because who wants to talk about exes – it’s kind of a buzzkill. If he’d been married before and failed to mention it, that would be alarming, but living with an ex gf? Meh.

Post # 4
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee

Probably the same conversation you’d have with a potential roommate. 

Post # 5
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee

Has he actively ignored talking about it, lied about it or just not mention it? I feel like when you bring it up he would say “you’ve never asked”. I would just ask him if he has lived with anyone. Then ask why he hasn’t mention it before. I think his reactions and reasons will give you the answer if it is a red flag

Post # 6
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Don’t barge into the bathroom and if he’s watching porn tell him to lock the door 

Post # 7
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
secondchancer12 :  I was nervous about moving-in with my SO too. (Even though I had lived with an ex before him, so living with a boyfriend wasn’t something new to me.)

We dated for 7 months before I moved-in to his apartment. We had a big conversation about it first. We outlined what we were worried about and what our plan was for if things didn’t work out.

My biggest feas were that it wouldn’t feel like my home since he was living there first. And that the relationship would stop progressing if I moved-in. We discussed these things A LOT. For his part he was worried that I wouldn’t let him play his game in the evening and that I’d throw his things away without asking.

Neither one of us took living together lightly. We literally had a 2 hour conversation about it first. Maybe you don’t need to take it to that extreme, but I would definitely talk to him about ALL of your concerns before living together.

Good luck, Bee!

Post # 8
Member
961 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

8 months is a little bit of time. The questions i would be asking would still pertain on getting to know him a lot more. 

What foods do you prefer 

How often can friends visit before it bothers u

Do u have a psycho ex i should be aware of

Do ur parents visit

Can my parents visit

How often do u wash clothes.

Do i wash ur clothes?

Who washes the sheets? 

Can we have a dog?

A bird?

Im sure i will find out as u move along but as long as ur not too surpised later on

 

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