Post # 1
Since I was a little girl I’d imagined moving into a nice little house with my husband, the whole perfect picture. Apparently life has other plans. I am very in love with my FI and we’re moving in, but not the way I’d planned, it’s more a desparate means to an end situation. We’re moving in together (his apartment because of the location and hte fact it’s cheaper than mine) so that we can save up for a house downpayment faster (1 year vs. 5+ years), and meanwhile msot of our stuff is going into storage.
I would be fine except that I lost my job three months ago (a really bad job that didn’t actually pay me enough to live on) so finances are very tight. So moving in just seems like I’ve failed and more a matter of has to be done.
So far I’m having almost no excitement about our wedding or about moving in, and I hate the fact that everyone says how excited I must be. I take medication for a mood disorder so I know that I’m depressed, but I just can’t seem to shake it. I just feel like I can’t catch a break sometimes.
Sorry to vent…
Post # 3
@renwoman: have you been applying for new jobs? I’m sure things will start to turn up, they always do!!
Post # 4
@Ninteenthchance: I’ve been applying like hell and I’ve done several interviews so I know something will turn up my the whole thing is really taking a toll emotionally.
Post # 5
@renwoman: I’m sure! SO got laid off (the company closed) from a really well paying job and he was very upset about it. He went to bartending for a couple months to now working at a bank and making maybe 2/3 of what he made before..it really sucks but stay positive!!! I try to remind him that if you stick it out, it will get better, I.e open more doors etc. Maybe you could try broadening your range of jobs you’re applying for? You’re lucky that you have a FI who loves you so much that he’s willing to support you through this..not a lot of guys would do that!!
Post # 6
@Ninteenthchance: There are times I don’t think I deserve a guy as great as him. Somehow things have changed and while I was the one pushing the moving in a year or so ago, now he’s the one that’s really for it. He actually proposed to me the evening after I’d lost my job saying that he thought I was great before that job and he still thought I was great. I know he’s amazing and I thank my lucky stars for that everyday.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@renwoman: Awww hun!! Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned at all! Your situation sounds tough. Keep looking for a job, staying healthy and busy and you’ll be fine!
It will be evern sweeter when you guys get a house together!
Post # 8
@renwoman: awwwww he sounds like a keeper girly!!
Post # 9
@renwoman: Aww I know it’s not the way you planned it to happen but keep your chin up! You can take pride in knowing that you are doing the right thing for yourself and in my books that’s not as a failure. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so just know that this may be a part of a bigger picture.
Also you get to start living with your loved one! I see that as a win!
Post # 10
@renwoman: Congrats on the multiple interviews! That’s a GREAT sign!
Also, when my depression creeps up, I take a B vitamin supplement and add 2 days a week to my exercise routine! It generally helps me get through bad times (I have diagnosed depression, and manage it on an episode-to-episode basis)
Post # 11
@renwoman: Hope you can find some happiness in moving in together and making the new place feel like home. It’s really special to share space. Moving in together with my husband really made me feel like he’s not only the man I love, but my family too!
Post # 12
@renwoman: you don’t HAVE to be excited just because other people expect it of you. You’re facing a lot of disappointments even though some good things are also happening at the same time. You can be happy you are moving in together but not thrilled about the circumstances. I just moved in with my FI and my FSIL keeps asking how it’s going and if we’re so thrilled. I’m like what? No. Moving is exhausting! Literally all I feel is exhausted. I was happy when we got engaged. This to me feels like a blip. But it totally depends on the person. She was thrilled when she moved in with her boyfriend, which is why she’s asking. There aren’t right and wrong feelings.
Post # 13
I totally understand how you feel! Last year, my fiance and I went on holiday to Europe. A week after we got back, I was made redundant! I hated the job anyway and I wasn’t getting paid enough to get by (like you) but I wanted to leave on my own terms or at least have something lined up before leaving that place.
I was super depressed after that. My confidence had taken a hit and I was finding it so hard to find another job because there just weren’t that many around in our area and the thought of going back to doing office work depressed me even more! I also felt like such a burden on my fiance and his family (we live with his parents) but they have all been great. My fiance never pressured me or made me feel like crap about the fact I can’t put in financially at the moment. I pull my weight with other things though.
We have gotten engaged since and now I’m in the middle of a total career change! We figured that while I’m not working, maybe it was the ideal opportunity to try something new, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m now studying nursing and absolutely loving it! It’s given me so much confidence and I feel like I’m actually getting somewhere. My fiance has been a tremendous support, I couldn’t do it without him! I guess what I’m getting at is that you can turn this into something positive. It sounds like you have a wonderful guy there and I don’t think he faults you for what’s going on at this point in your life. Be excited about your wedding, I’m excited about mine even though I wish I had a job to pay for it but I’m getting there and I look forward to that (there’s nothing stopping you from planning, haha!)
Sorry for the long post, just thought I’d share 🙂
Post # 14
@renwoman: Life has ups and downs…you are just in a downturn. It will come back up. Whenever I start feeling sory for myself I try to remember that it could always be much worse.
Post # 15
I can relate! My fiance and I got our first place together August 2012… It was a beautiful 2 bedroom apartment and was such a steal for the area! Well come March of this year I got very sick and had to leave work for 2 months… My FI lost his job after they would not make any accomodations for him to be with me in the hospital, so he left. He went back to roofing but the snow lasted into the end of April in MN this year! Horrible! Anyways, we’ve been trying to play catch up every since.
Add in that we had just gotten engaged mid March, and found out we were due with a baby in December a month later! The end of June we had to make the hard decision to ask his Grandfather if we could live with them for a while to save money up. We don’t know what to expect with my health the last trimester of my pregnancy and afterwards, because my liver is failing! It definitely sucks to feel trapped financially!
I’m only working part time to make room for all my DR appointments, and FI just lost his job 🙁 It feels like we will never get caught up! But I know it just takes some hard work and determination!
Keep your chin up! Try to enjoy the fact that you get to spend more time together!
Post # 16
Awww, it will get better. We all have been there before.
When my FI moved into the very small house I use to rent, we thought we would live there for about a year then purchase our first home together. We discovered we didn’t have enough money for the down payment and we had too much debt to get approved for a decent mortgage, so we had to wait a year and a half and stay in the very small house I rented and continue to aggressively pay down debt. It felt like we would never get out of our mountain of student loan debt. A little more than a year later we had paid down a lot of our debt (we still have debt but now a much more manageable amount) and saved up enough money for our down payment. We just purchased and moved into our first house together about 2 months ago.
Sometimes these things take time. Whenever I feel sad about where I am in life I remind myself there is always someone going through something much worse. I have family and friends that love me, a couple dollars in the bank account and a roof over my head so I’m better off than most of the world’s population.
Also whenever I need a pick me up I always play the song ‘Making it Work’ in my head.
“(Making it work) takes a little longer (Making it work) takes a little time (Making it work) takes a little longer (Making it work) takes a little time. You helped me believe I could believe in myself (Making it work) You helped me achieve what I did with nobody else (Making it work)”