(Closed) Moving in together before the wedding…

posted 9 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 32
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

There are several studies which conclude the divorce rate is higher among those who live together before marriage. You can find them through a search engine.

Post # 33
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m not married yet, but Fiance and I have been living together for almost 2 years now. While I think it’s a great “test” of your relationship and how you will deal with day-to-day situations, who will pay what bills, ect., if I could go back and do it again, I would have waited to move in together…only because nothing will change once we are married. I think I would be looking forward to the wedding more if we were getting ready to move in together. Just my opinion ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 34
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@Ms. Polar Bear: It will help others! It helped me! Thank you!

View original reply
@Ms. Martian: That was beautiful and I can totally see where she’s coming from and I think I will understand that “shift”.

Post # 35
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

View original reply
@Ms. Polar Bear: Perhaps it would help other doubtful brides in this situation, if the post was left up?

Post # 36
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, I think it’d be a much better decision to move in together as soon as possible if you’re planning to get married. I feel that it would only benefit you in getting to truly know each other as well as possible.

There’s some people that don’t believe Men and Women should live together before marriage, but that’s their opinion and you’re entitled to your own. You should do what is best for the both of you.

My fiance and I moved in together after only dating 5 months and 4 months later he proposed to me. It definitely brought us closer and we felt that we eally needed to live together before we could decide on marriage. We’ve now been living together about 7 months and going strong. We will have lived together for about 1 year when we get married.

Every couple is different and you shouldn’t let other posts on here deeply influence your decision. Some people let the romance fade out of their relationship and it becomes stale or some people want to feel more like a newlywed. It is up to the both of you to work to try new things (have date nights) and keep it fresh. If you really want to move in together before marriage, then you should.

Post # 37
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m less than 3 weeks from our big day but we moved out of our parents house back in february. I officially moved into the apartment in April when I got done with the semester. This has caused fights, arguments, walk-outs, and hell to come out. BUT I would not change anything about it. We needed to learn to live together before the stakes were incredibly high. To us it will not take the ‘specialness’ out of the relationship because when we get back from the wedding we can begin our married life in a place that is already ours and not fuss about things that will seem unimportant because we are married rather than just living together. If you dont make it about the sex, then its a great start to a marriage. I’m sure I’ve heard many pple say they wish they had lived together before getting married.

Post # 38
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am a big supporter of living with your man before you get married! We started living together after 2 years of dating while we were still in college. In fact, my grandma told me she was so happy we decided to live together before marriage so that we could get used to each other’s way of living.

When we first moved in together it was very difficult! I was an art major and worked my way through college so I was never home and when i would come home, the apartment was a mess and my Fiance was always playing XBOX… let’s just say I became that nagging girlfriend that every guy tries to avoid!I grew up having to do chores around the house and my fiance had the luxury of his mom doing everything around the house. I told him that he may have grown up that way but not to expect me to go to school and work and then come home and pick up after him.  It took a few years but I finally got him to start pulling his weight around the apartment and we’ve been much happier!

I’m sure my fiance’s lazy college mentality is similar to other guys out there but certainly not every guy. I couldn’t imagine moving in together after getting married and  having to deal with his laziness like that. I think the fact that we were able to get through those tough times has only made our relationship stronger and allows for us to focus on us as a couple and I’m very much looking forward to getting married and starting our lives together, buying a house, having kids….

Post # 39
Member
3600 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

We moved in together (chastely) almost a year before we got  married. Everything was pretty great, actually. There wasn’t much of an adjustment period. I think our relationship got better, closer, from the sheer intimacy of daily living. However, our church (who had known the whole time) made a stink right before the wedding and refused to allow us to get married there.

So, basically, living together was a good choice for us, but it wasn’t without consequences in our other relationships.

 

Post # 40
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@ Helenberrycrunch: Thats horrible that your church wouldnt allow you to get married there!!! I know its church and religion but they should at least be more open to that than for a divorce to come in the future.

Post # 41
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@lmwolfe015: I have read these studies, but the information they usually leave out is how long people were together before they moved in together. If you’ve only been dating weeks/months or even less than a few years before living together, you are probably rushing other areas of life too, such as marriage.

So pretty much, I don’t see much weight in these studies until they are done with CONTROL experiments, to figure out exactly what factors makes the divorce rate higher. Too many variables in relationships to attest it to simply living together before marriage.

Blanket statistics like these are the same as this type of example: A higher percentage of the popuation is overweight in the Southern US than in the Northern US. This is a true statement, there are stats to prove it. But that does NOT mean that if you move to the North you will not longer be overweight, or vice versa. It’s about lifestyle choices, not location. Just like a relationships success is based on how you as a couple make choices together.

So yes, I think MANY people move in together too soon, thus making a rash choice as they were not ready, contributing to a higher divorce rate. But I don’t think that living together before marriage is WHY they get divorced, I think it’s often a product of rushing and immature in life decisions.

Post # 42
Member
5422 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think people will ALWAYS have something negative to say.  I will be attending 2 weddings soon.  One where the couple didn’t move in together until they bought a house (never rented) and the other still don’t live together and won’t until right before the wedding (each still living with parents).  It’s a matter of personal preference and no one should pass judgement on your relationship inappropiately.

Post # 43
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has them. You will hear positive and negative. On our wedding day, Fiance and I would have lived together 3 years before getting married. Every relationship is different. Everything we do will always be special to me.

Our relationship is the type that everything feels special, at least he makes me feel that way. It doesnt matter if you’ve lived together 6 months or 5 years, what matters is that you’re with the man of your dreams and starting a life as one.

 

Post # 44
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

There is NO WAY I would marry someone without having lived with them for long enough to know that I wanted to live with them forever, but that’s just me. we had been living together for 6 months  when we got engaged, and then our engagement has been almost 2 years. Everyone has their own personal values and ideas around this so you just do whats right for you and your love.  There are some times when the housework…. bills….. tired after work….. mess with the romance, and there will be some bumps to iron out along the way, but living together and making yourselves a home together does not ruin things if this is the person you are meant to be with..

Post # 45
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Always TRY before you BUY ๐Ÿ˜‰  Living with my soon-to-be-husband, have been for over a year now.   Glad we did it, even though his family doesn’t agree.

Post # 46
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I look at it this way: even if it DOES take away this “specialness,” I still had that super special feeling when we first moved in together; so, really, I’d just be feeling special SOONER rather than later! ๐Ÿ™‚ 

(And this is cheesy, but we’re already married in our hearts. ๐Ÿ˜› lol)

The topic ‘Moving in together before the wedding…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors