Post # 1
So, thankfully I don’t have to worry about this for a little while longer, as we’re not moving in together until we’re married, but I am a perpetual over-planner, and I didn’t see any post about this yet.
A little about me: I have had my own apartment for 4 years. I am a little bit anal retentive about decor stuff, so my apartment is perfectly decorated. Like couldn’t sleep before it was completely decorated, up till 3am looking up wall accents online, and Japanese screens for that corner that just “needed something.” My Pinterest “home decor” album has a completely (cordinated) virtual house full of decorated rooms. My bed has about 10 decorative pillows that I faithfully put on every morning and take off every night. YEAH, I’ve got the decorating bug bad. But in my one bedroom apartment, I own a couch and leather chair (and ottoman), leather coffee table style ottoman, LR rug, And new full bedroom set (with matching rug and bedding.) So enough to furnish a 1 BR apartment, but not a HOUSE.
SO has lived with 3 roommates all through college, and owns (a bed … that he has had since childhood), a desk (also since childhood… its super ugly) and a church garage sale kitchen table (that his mom refinished and stained… but still, not so pretty.)
Getting married, I just have these (super unrealistic, I know) ideas about a super decorated house, new living room furniture, new dining room table and chairs, hardwood floors, new bedroom set (eventually – mines only a full size… and SO is a HOT sleeper, ie STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU SPACE HEATER!) I want a place that I can be proud to have people over for BBQ’s, dinner parties, etc…
So newly moved in together Bee’s… how’d you deal with the furniture clash? Get rid of his stuff? Get rid of yours? Both and buy all new? DIY fix up some Craigslist or garage sale pieces?
Post pics if you’ve got them!
Post # 3
I know exactly what you are talking about. I was married before and got about half of “our” stuff in the divorce…it all matched and took years to accumulate. DH on the the other hand still had his “first” furniture that was seriously worn. He tried to keep it in good shape but it screamed “80’s.” The only pictures he had were photos of his truck/bikes around the house.
Up until we got married (and I got my stuff from storage) I was scared to “redecorate” b/c I didn’t want him thinking I was taking over his house. He saw my stuff and said “this is what an adults’ house looks like….please redecorate!” We sold his old sofas, glass dining table, full-size bed (he’s a big guy and I have no idea how he slept on one for so long.)
Our first purchase was a queen size bed (I sold mine too) then we sold BOTH our dining tables and bought a new one. Sold his sofa and bought a cheap, more modern one. We’ve slowly merged our stuff together….took a couple of years though. And I look for decor at local thrift stores.
He loves the house now and says it “matches” his age and salary….it’s not too feminine but more modern with a few antique pieces (he LOVES looking at the older stuff.)
DH’s coworkers constantly complain about how they “need” to buy a new piece of furniture to replace one they just bought in the past 2 years. Try not to overwhelm your FI with new expenses all at once. Use the somewhat good items for a while but replace the old, worn ones. Throw a table cloth over the dining table and replace the beds….it’s nice to have your “own” bed if you know what I mean.
Post # 4
@texasbee: I know exactly what you mean about the bed thing. 😉 Yeah, a king or queen size bed will be the first purchase. He’s a cuddler and I’m… not… so I’m all for being close for about 5-10 mins, and then get the heck away from me. I need my own space.
I’ll probably keep my bedroom set for the guest bedroom though. I was unforchanately on a super “modern” kick when I got it, and am not loving it now, but it’s probably been used maybe a month total. I got it right after graduating HS, and it’s too big for current apt, so it’s been siting in storage for a long time, brand new. I have a queen bed currently, but it’s literally falling apart at the seems. It will go straight to the dumpster as soon as I move.
I’ll try not to overwhelm him. Guy’s just don’t see the “need” we ladies do for matching furniture, painted walls, and a full set of dishes. Plus the usual decor items like vases above the fireplace, accent pillows on the couch…
Thanks for the ideas!!
Post # 5
Our new bed was a necessity b/c we weren’t sleeping well at night. A new one fixed that.
All of our walls are white, concrete so it looked like we lived in a hospital bunker….DH loves when I hang something to break up the white.
Also, we have 2 digital pic frames….one of all our travel photos in the LR and one with just pics of us in our bedroom. DH likes that they aren’t the same pics over and over and the fact that it’s a piece of technology…he’s a computer guy. If you don’t have one, def. get one or register for one for your wedding. I just bought one for a wedding gift and BOTH of them love it b/c it’s not a his or hers gift. Plus they get to look at their wedding photos all the time.
Post # 6
Two years ago FI moved from a fully furnished grad school flat to an unfurnished 1 br, 1 ba. I, at the same time, moved from my undergrad fully furnished place to a shared house.
I had a major hand in the furniture he bought for his place 2 yrs ago. I also made a point to scale down my things. I bought temporary furniture from Kmart and IKEA for the intermediate time.
We just moved into a 4 bed/ 2.5 bath. We kept his bedroom set and added a few pieces then used my mattress as a guest bed and sold the frame on Craigslist for a little cash (ikea frame).
We’ve lived here 1.5 months and we still need some area rugs, window treatments, and furniture for 2 rooms. I too am the “MUST DECORATE RIGHT AWAY” but you have to prioritize. For example, we fully furnished the deck, but the guest bedroom needs a nightstand.
If your guy has a problem parting with ratty old furniture, you can always compromise that it can be temporary furniture. We have a kitchen table I hate- his mom did touch up work on it and the chairs keep falling apart. Once we both find a new table we love, we get rid of the old table, preferably on Craigslist.
Post # 7
I feel your pain. Fi and I both own places, and we both have to down grade. I think what going to end up happening is we both will be giving things. This is like a lot of things that come with getting married as it’s less about I and becomes about us.
The good thing is your Fi doesn’t have a lot of stuff. However you should work with him getting peices and decorating in a way that is abou the both of you.
Fi and I both have are getting selling our living rooms,his dining room, both bedroom sets, keeping his bed, my bed is going to guest room. We also have thing both of us agree on so we keep those items. We are building a home that represents the both of us so it seemed like the best thing to do.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Look, I am all about decorating, so I get it…. but you need to chill. Not a darn bit of our furniture matches right now. I hate almost all of it. However, we just moved into our forever home. For the 2 years before that we rented a 4 bedroom home. And for a decade before that we lived on our own with hand-me-downs and cheap purchases. We refused to buy anything for that house, as we had no way of knowing whether what we purchased for that house would work well in our forever home. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and deal with mismatched everything while you are in transition because it doesn’t make sense to spend money to buy stuff that isn’t going to work for you in the long term.
We’ll tolerate the mismatched look for another year because this we are getting an untrained 2 year old dog this weekend who likes to rip the stuffing out of furniture, and early next summer we are getting a puppy. It makes no sense to buy new stuff until we get our pups well trained. But then… game on! 3 years of patience will pay off. I’ll know exactly what we need and will be able to spend wisely on good quality stuff that will last a very long time.
Post # 9
I’m just such an entertainer! I know we won’t be in our “forever home” for a while… especially since he’s in a profession where you end up getting recruited and moving elsewhere for a higher salary. Which is good, but I know I’d be PO’d if I finish perfecting a home and we just moved right after.
He’s used to moving a lot. I was born in the same house my parents still live in, so remodeling was never wasted.
Post # 10
We dealt with the furniture clash by getting a townhome with 2 living areas and 2 bedrooms. My furniture went into the less-used living room and the guest room, and his went into our TV room and our bedroom, since it’s nicer. I say keep whatever furniture is nicer, Craigslist the rest, and look forward to the day when you buy all new stuff together 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
@Paiger8: You can entertain with mismatched furniture. Remember, the people are there to see you (and eat good food and drink good drinks). Your guests really don’t give a hoot what your furniture looks like as long as they are well cared for and entertained.
Post # 12
i understand how you feel, i am super planner, i have already started a glory box (a large 52L plastic tub that is already full) and when we bought a set of tea towels, i insisted we get the matching oven mitt and pot holder, i like everything to go together and match! we aren’t moving in together for a couple years yet, but i like planning ahead. we will probably be selling both of our beds and buying a new one, and i just got a new chest of drawers that will be big enough for both of us 🙂 i am concerned about merging books and stuff – i am very OCD about books being in order, put back in the right place, etc, same with DVDs
Post # 13
@Jacqui90: Hahah, glory box. I love it. I sometimes buy stuff that I know he won’t let me buy when we’re married. Not super sensible stuff but… still. He’s perfectly fine with 20 mismatched glasses, and 2 sets of dishes, BUT I have to match damnit! Haha, I’m even buying 16 place settings worth of dishes right now (even though I only need 8 currently) but I will freak out if I can’t find them when we need more. 🙂
Post # 14
SO had a fugly dining room set that his ex loaned him – we both hated it and were releived when we were out one day and found a cool set at the right price. Tossed the old set in the garage, hallelujah! We love it, and it was our first major purchase together. 🙂
Post # 15
Oh my goodness! I have been living on my own for over 7 years now and my fiance` still lives at home with his parents. He will be moving in with me after we are married and I am starting to dread it. lol I am also a decorator and like my stuff to match!
Well, my fiance` told me the other day that he wants to start packing his stuff to move, the major problem I have is that he wants to bring ALL his stuff (junk to me) with him! From his childhood toys, his avon car collection, legos, matchboxes, toy trucks, tractors, and the list goes on and on. He also told me he wants to get boards to put up his matchbox cars in the living room! I put my foot DOWN on that one and it will not be moving! I refuse to have boards in my living room with matchbox cars displayed on them.
I understand that I have to give him some space, BUT how do I get him to see that the matchbox thing will not be going up in the living room, especially since we are now both adults and it won’t go with the decor. ugh!
Post # 16
@augustbride1: Easy, put the matchbox car collection in the garge. You can throw some boards on the walls, maybe a budweiser sign or two, make it a man cave. 🙂 Or give him the basement. Pool table, matchbox cars, ugly recliner, etc.. 🙂
J has a tractor collection that his grandpa has given him 1 every year for Christmas and Birthday…. so yeah A LOT of tractors. Currently his grandpa has boards up in the basement displaying them (because he also collects them) but they are welcome to “come home with us at any time.” NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
J also hunts… I told him under NO circumstances will there be a creepy deer head in my house. NO NO NO. He can do whatever he wants to the garage. But no dead things in my house!