Post # 1
Partner and I are currently LDR, with 5 more months to go. It is quite heart-breaking to be separated from him, but I am trying to push through and see my employment contract to the end.
Before I moved, we had a 1 1/2 month trial of living together. He told me he ‘loved’ the experience and wanted me to move back in with him when I returned. He also said he views me as his long-term partner. Over Christmas, I first spent the holidays with my own family and then spent the rest of the holidays with his family. I am the first person his mother has truly made an effort with so I am told and I feel like I am being welcomed into the fold. In other words, I feel like the relationship is growing in the right direction. I also have keys to his home and stay there when he is travelling.
As it is less than 6 months before I move home, I brought up the topic of living together. Instead of having a positive conversation about an exciting step for the future, he froze up somewhat and started babbling about how he was stressed about his job prospects & affording rent in his current place. I admittedly was upset at his reluctance given it was him that raised the topic originally. Eventually he said he looks forward to the day we a place that is just for us, building our own home together.
But how do I know that he isn’t just going to go along with plans because it’s what I want? I don’t want to be the only enthusiastic one about taking the next step together.
Post # 2
By talking to him. Although it sounds like he doesn’t want to live together, based on his reaction. You have to keep talking if you want to find out what has changed for him.
Post # 3
samael : I’m not sure if it’s because when he asked me to move in previously, it was something that was going to happen later on. But now, it’s getting closer and I think he fears giving up his independence.
The problem is, when I said it doesn’t seem like you want this anymore, he said he did. My issue now is that I don’t want to bring it up repeatedly because I don’t want to feel I’m the only one driving the relationship forward. But, at the same time, I need to make a decsion about whether we are still going to end this LDR/I move home in 6 months. I’m not sure how to approach this going forward.
Post # 4
rachel351 : just tell him what you told us here. U love him right? And would like to consider his stand when you make that decision to move back? And need to decide where to live if you move back? Then tell him, and let him ur options if u move back. Either find a place urself or take up his offer to move in. If he suggests you start looking for places to rent.. then take it as he’s not ready aka wait a while n c what happens.
Post # 5
If you’re going to spend your life with him, whether as a long term partner or in a marriage, you’re going to have to talk to the guy. Stop being so afraid to “push him” or say the wrong thing. This is your life. If he wants you in his, he can man up and say it, whether or not you’re pushing for the conversation.
Honestly, talk to him. And if you can’t talk to him and be honest, and he can’t talk to you and be honest, then what the hell are the two of you doing anyway?
Post # 6
It’s okay that he goes along with plans just because you want him to. It’s okay if you’re more enthused or doing more of the forward pushing. It’s rare that people are 100% emotionally in sync all the time. Most of the time, one person is a little ahead of the other, or a little behind, or a little more excited, or a little more reluctant. Don’t set unrealistic standards. If he says he’ll move in with you and make a genuine attempt to move your relationship forward, trust him to do that. Don’t criticize or worry because he takes a different path to get there than you’d preferred.
Post # 7
rachel351 : I understand. You want him to want what you want, when you want it. But life seldom works that way. Part of being an adult is asking your partner what you want and telling him your needs.
I get you. If he only puts things into motion because you initiated the conversation, you may wonder “is this only happening because I pushed for it?”
But that’s life.
Ask for what you want. If he doesn’t want it, most men will decline.