Post # 1
Fiance and I have not been saving any money. We obviously need to save for our wedding and we would really love to get a house, and soon!
We decided to move in with his family. It is an hour and 20 minutes from where we live now, so he will have a long drive to work. And I have to quit my job at the end of this month, because I am a nanny and that is just way too far for me to drive to hang out with kids. Haha.
I love his family. I hang out with his sister, talk to his mom more than he does, and mess with his brothers relentlessly. His dad and I have clashing personalities, but we get on okay. But I just do NOT want to live with them! I mean, they aren’t my parents so I feel a little awkward making their home mine. Also, we don’t even get our own space. We get a bedroom, and have to share a bathroom with his 3 siblings. One is in middle school and one in high school and they are always in the bathroom. His brother gets 2 one hour showers a day, and unfortunately, I’m not exaggerating.
We also have a puppy who we are still training somewhat (she steals things, but that’s all we need to work on). When we go to their house now, it’s like we take 5 steps back and she is crazy over there. They think she is a horrible dog, but at our home, she is so good and we get compliments from our neighbors. I am not excited about everyone chasing and yelling at her, and expecting her to do something wrong!
I am so worried that this will affect our relationship in a bad way. Not that I think we will break up. I can see us arguing more, or worse, keeping everything inside and becoming resentful. And his family getting involved in different situations.
How, HOW, am I going to live here? How will I get through it? Anyone who has been in a similar situation, please give me some advice! I don’t want to go into it with all of these bad feelings!And I don’t want to be miserable everyday!
Post # 3
We lived with my father in law for 4 years. But, it was just us, him and our dog. He stayed at his gf’s condo every weekend, and we had the whole upstairs to ourselves. So, not the exact same situation.
I would try to set some ground rules with the puppy, to keep it consistent for everyone. Is she crated? If so, I would definitely keep her in there while you are gone, so she stays out of trouble. I would also find out what the expectations are from his parents. We didn’t pay rent, but we did pay the cable and internet bill, grocery shopped, and I cooked dinner every night during the week for the 3 of us. I had it easy, his dad is a really easy guy to live with, and he had no problem with me taking over the kitchen and rearranging things as I needed, since he doesn’t cook.
Hope it all works out!
Post # 4
I would recommend finding a less expensive apartment before moving in with his family. It sounds like you’ll be going crazy in no time and that will affect your relationship.
I know you want to buy a house AND save for a wedding…but maybe you should prioritize one above the other for now? Save for a smaller wedding, then save for a house? It’s hard to save for two huge purchases at once AND living with your in-laws.
Post # 5
If you think your going to fight with the dad, then yes it could become a problem.
Are they encouraging this move into their home or is this something you guys requested because you wanted to save.
Post # 6
We live with my husband’s family now, but we have our own kitchen, bedroom, livingroom and bathroom. I don’t think I could handle it if we didn’t. As for your situation, I hate to say it, but it doesn’t sound like it would be a good environment for you and your Fiance to move in with his parents. Yes, saving would be great, but you don’t want it to come at a cost of ruining your relationship.
Post # 7
If you have to quit your job in order to move is it really even allowing you to save much money? It seems like you wouldn’t net out very much if you are losing one income.
Post # 8
Its not a matter of if it will negatively impact your relationship, it absolutely will. You will have to suck up alot and keep you mouth closed because you will have a 1st row seat and exposure to family dynamics that weren’t apparent to you (prior to moving in). Trust me relationships and no matter how fabulously you get along with his family now is NOT the same as seeing their faces day in, day out. It will change. You will NEVER have peace and quiet. You will always be subject to ALL of those personlities in the home.
I say suck it up and continue to live and your own. Moving in with them should be an absolute last resort, I don’t think you guys have exhausted all your options and resources. (perhaps you have but you didn’t say so in your post). Can’t one or both of you find a 2nd job (to speed up savings)? Get a cheaper place like PP also suggested? Moving in sounds it will only hurt and rather than help your issues.
Post # 9
Don’t move in with them unless you absolutely have to.
I remember when I was in high school, my sister and her husband moved in with us about a year before their wedding because she had unexpectedly gotten pregnant and they weren’t financially prepared for it.
You could cut the tension with a knife at our house for the entire year that they lived with us.
Sure, it did help them out financially, but emotionally, I’m amazed they didn’t break up.
I agree with PPs: If you are quitting your job to move in with them, is this really helping out THAT much? Maybe you should keep nannying and try to find a second job on the weekends/evenings for a while. It will be stressful for a while, but at least you will have your own place to go to at night!
Post # 10
I lived with my college boyfriend’s family for a summer and it was awful. He also had younger siblings and I had to share a bathroom with them (his mom made us stay in separate bedrooms, so I was upstairs with the rest of the family and his bedroom was in the basement). The whole situation was just awkward and uncomfortable and definitely not good for our relationship (we broke up a few months later).
I have also lived with my now-husband for over 3 years (since before we were even engaged) and we also had a roommate until a couple months ago. Having someone else living with us made communication a nightmare, because we would always hold things in to avoid drama in front of him. We could never get away and have our own space. It didn’t help that we also didn’t get along with the roommate after awhile so we were all 3 being very passive aggressive towards each other because no one wanted to deal with any of our issues! We are both SO much happier and get along so much better now that he’s gone.
If there is any way you can keep living on your own, I would definitely try for the sake of your sanity.
Post # 11
I hate to have to say this, but I have seen too many people live with family/friends where it created resentment, mistrust, hurt feelings, and strained relationships. I wouldn’t move there unless you absolutely had to. Have you added the numbers about qutting your job, his longer commute, and all the things you could cut out of your life to save money without making the move?
If you do move in, perhaps try very hard to communicate and set boundaries and discuss in advance how it will all work. For example, if your Fiance needs to shower at a specific time in the morning so he can leave for work early, make it clear this is his time so there are no misunderstandings.
Make sure you have a plan so he doesn’t have to pick sides/get in the middle of arguments between his family and you. Good luck!
Post # 12
I’m not sure how fast you two will get ahead financially if you are unemployed and he has to spend way more on gas and wear/tear on his car for work to move in with his family??
I think you should look into roommates in a 2-3 bedroom apartment, or a cheaper apartment first.
Post # 13
I like what crayfish just suggested.
A friend of mine and her fiance got two roommates who live in their basement, which has given them a ton of extra money each month. It’s always a possibility!
Post # 14
I’m not clear on how you’re saving money if you’re quitting your job and he’ll be spending a ton on gas and upkeep for his car. And if you and your Future In-Laws don’t get along perfectly, this sounds like a recipe for disaster!
Post # 15
I have to admit that I hate living with FI’s parents. It was pretty swell at first, but now it’s becoming such a headache. His parents were really chill most of the time. Unfortunately, things have changed. Why? I have no idea.
The problem is that we didn’t plan to stay there for long. I moved in shortly after he proposed. He had a job and I was searching in the area. I got a job approximately 1.5 months later. FI was laid off. This obviously caused problems.
We here now 6 months down the road and I really wish there was somewhere else I can go. His friends are married and have their own families. Rooming with them isn’t an option. I don’t have any friends in this area because I moved away from my area.
The way they treat us is ridiculous. It’s causing such a strain on our relationship. I used to be really fond and close to FI’s mother. Now I’m starting to grow annoyed and aggravated at the way she acts, speaks, etc.
I want to save our relationship with his parents before it’s completely ruined. I, unfortunately, don’t see that happening any time soon.
I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make. It’s going to be tough no matter what you decide.