(Closed) Moving in with FI’s parents…What are we thinking!?!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@ECJ4ever:  Well at least this way you can help your mom out.

Unless they’re horrible, which you said they aren’t, it should go by pretty fast. I’m sure little things here and there will be annoying, but just don’t blow it up and it shouldn’t be an issue! Good luck 🙂

Post # 4
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I would never live with inlaws, it would totally cramp my style.  Just out of curiousity, why is your mom expected to help pay for your wedding?  I think you just need to focus on getting jobs before moving forward with a wedding your mom has to pay for and just wait until you can actually get back on your feet and pay for it yourselves.

Post # 5
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ECJ4ever:  I would have a much smaller wedding than move in with inlaws.  Just sounds like a huge headache waiting to happen. 

Post # 6
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Fiance and I are moving in with my parents for a month between apartment complexes…we were also worried about the sex thing, until I realized I totally made it work in high school (skank alert) and my parents were probably just as ‘aware’ about what was going on back then. I think with the kind of money expected with your education level, setting your timeline to live with them for a full year is kind of extreme. How about just for a few months while you find a job? I think its easy to think ‘oh, it’ll just be for a year…’ but a year is a long time. Is it worth the amount of strain it could put on your relationship with the parents?

Post # 7
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

This sounds like my worst nightmare.

Why not set a later date fo the wedding, save up more and take some of the pressure off your mum. Also it could avoid having to live with the Future In-Laws.

Post # 8
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Everyone is different, but I’ve been there and it’s still affecting my relationship with Fiance and his parents. In the end we pushed back the wedding and got out of there after 5 months.

If you decide to go through with this, you need to think and talk about what everyone’s expectations are first. Like you said, it may feel like you’ll be teenagers again – but not necessarily in a good way. Things like laundry (will you do your own or is everything going in one hamper?), will you eat together & who is cooking, is all your stuff going to be crammed in your room or is there a bookshelf somewhere you could use, how should you handle visitors.. maybe try to go through your normal day and think about what you do that could affect/involve other people.

Also, I found out a couple of weeks after we moved in that Future Mother-In-Law had a habit of going in our room and through our things while we weren’t home. She’s a clean freak and the cleaning lady only comes twice a week, dust and bla.. it freaked. me. out. Fiance thought this was normal, since he grew up with it, I thought it was the height of rudeness. Things you might consider normal behaviour is not how everyone behaves around the house.

Think about this long and hard. Living with people can build up a kind of resentment that is very hard to get rid of later.

Post # 9
Member
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I had to do this when I moved (across the atlantic) to be with Fiance and so that he could be with our son. I was terrified about it, but it actually turned out to be ok. This was mostly due to the fact that my Future In-Laws really respected our boundaries as a couple and as parents. I think it is totally doable, but definitely set firm boundaries (like no cleaning your room while you’re out, that sounds awful @lcnolan13!).

On the other side of the same coin, my own parents (mom) drive me absolutely up a wall and I immediately revert to teenage behavior when we visit. I am also so ready to leave after a 2-3 week visit, so a year would be totally impossible.

The good thing about parents is that they don’t make you sign a lease! If you move in with the intention of living there a year, but after a month or two it’s clear that it won’t work, you can always move out (and make budget adjusments for the wedding)! 

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