Post # 1
My FH and I are both Christians. We have been together for almost 2 and a half years and are waiting until our wedding night to have sex. We really didn’t want to officially move in together until the wedding–we just feel like that will be the most exciting part of getting married–finally getting to live together! Well, has anyone experienced the logistical nightmare that this is? Our wedding is July 7th and my lease is up July 1 so I have to move out or my landlord will charge me for the days of rent I stay–we really can’t afford that right now.FI will be staying with his groomsmen at a lakehouse on the 5th and 6th, so we will really only be cohabitating for 4 nights before the wedding and we were going to sleep in separate rooms. I thought about staying with my parents but they live about 20 minutes away and it would just be hectic with all my stuff being at the new apartment. I feel bad because my dad made a comment a couple weeks ago about how proud he was of us for not cohabitating before the actual wedding day. I feel like I’m going to disappoint him if I move in on the first.
My question is–will I be disappointing God? I know there is nothing in the Bible that says cohabitation before marriage is a sin, but I know it is Christian practice not to and I want to be obedient to God and to honor him. Am I throwing that away? Or am I thinking too much about it?
Do you think we will still be as excited after the wedding if I move in on the first?
Post # 3
I can’t comment on the religious aspect of this, but it seems really important to you! A 20 minute drive is not exactly that inconvenient, isn’t it worth it if it’s going to give you peace of mind? Or however much rent to have to pay for 6 days… it sounds like it would be worth it to you to just pay it!
Post # 4
I think you would feel MUCH better (no guilt) if you just stayed at your parents for these few days…20 minutes, x 4 days in my opinion, (or just over 1 1/2 hours) is not a long amount of time to trade off for the guilt you would feel sleeping under the same roof as your FI….
Post # 5
@MrsSnowMountain: I forgot to mention that my sister and her 3 kids are coming into town 5 days earlier than expected so my parents don’t actually have room for me. Also we are leaving for the honeymoon 2 days after our wedding so unless we got a moving truck the day after the wedding I would have to pay for over 2 weeks of rent at my old apartment.
Post # 6
Stay with your parents. Move your stuff to the new place, but don’t stay there until the wedding. 20 min drive time is nothing compared to how I’m sure you’d feel if you waited to move in.
Post # 7
@snoozebox1220: Yeah, tough situation. My advice is simply that it’s probably worth it for your peace of mind to do what you need to do to NOT move in together yet. Unless you’ve already made up your mind and are just looking for people to agree with you/validate you, which ios fine too 🙂 It’s just that your post makes me think you would be really uneasy about moving in too soon.
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa
@snoozebox1220: perhaps you can move your stuff into your future husband’s place when your lease is up, but stay with a friend (your maid of honor, perhaps?) until you are officially married. If you can’t stay with her for that long, rotate with your other bridesmaids and do the sleepover thing for a few days. You can do it!
Post # 9
@snoozebox1220: I agree with PP. It’s important to you, so you should find a way for your peace of mind. I’m a Christian and I live with my fiance and have for 17 months, but that was important for me to do. You have to make the decision as a couple that you both can live with. If I were in your shoes, I’d rather suffer 4 or 5 days of inconvenience than be upset or disappointed for moving in too early.
If your parents can’t take you in, I’m sure that you have a friend or relative that could. If you can’t find one, ask your fiance if he can stay with friends or family while you stay at the new place.
Five days isn’t that long to be a house guest of family, especially considering your wedding being so soon.
Post # 10
@snoozebox1220: Honestly, a few days of living 20 minutes away out of a suitcase doesn’t sound all THAT hectic.
I have friends who spent their engagement living in seperate States. I know two couples who, after their honeymoon, lived out of a suitcase with their parents’ until they could finalize their living arrangements for their first three months together. My husband and I live 3 hours apart when we were dating and through the majority of our engagement. We picked out our first apartment. I moved into it about 4 months before we got married. He lived with his parents’ till we got married.
Post # 11
Thank you all for your responses, but I’m not sure if I explained myself correctly. @ilaz I’m not trying to get people to validate or approve of it if we do make the decision to have me move in on the 1st, we actually both feel comfortable with it but are worried about how others will view it. We are nondenominational Christians that believe strictly in the Bible. As I said, the Bible says nothing about cohabitation, so I just want to know what the right answer is in God’s eyes. I feel like God is proud of us for waiting this long and for making every attempt to not move in together before the wedding. It just got logistically very complicated. My maid of honor is my sister and 2 of my other bridesmaids live 2 hours away. The other 2 live with their boyfriends in small apartments–I’m not trying to make excuses, it’s just the facts. We know we would not give in to the temptation of having sex before the wedding–why on earth would we ruin this 6 days before the wedding? And I would be sleeping in a different bed anyway. I’m just feeling conflicted because I feel like we’re going back on what we said and I don’t want to disappoint anyone. I don’t know if that makes more sense?
Post # 12
@snoozebox1220: No one will care, and if they do, kindly remind them to remove the plank from their own eye before worrying about the splinter in yours. It is no ones business but YOURS and HIS.
Post # 13
@snoozebox1220: move all your stuff to your FI’s place as if you are living there.
then pack on overnight bag and stay at your parents’ house for 4 days.
if there is no room at your parents’, then in my book sleeping in separate rooms should be fine for you. yes, you are cohabitating, but you are getting married in 4 days. it’s not like you are living together and sleeping together for weeks or months.
Post # 14
@snoozebox1220: Honestly, those days before the wedding, you will be so busy and too tired to think of doing anything unholy. Go ahead and move in, but keep your covenant to keep your relationship pure. Stay in separate rooms and stay away from anything that may lead into temptation. If it’s possible, go have him stay with his parents (which is what we did).
I moved 4 weeks before the wedding, although I had to move across the country and needed enough time to finish marriage counseling. My now husband moved to his parent’s house and I stayed in our house. No sex.
Post # 15
Do not worry about what other people will think. YOU are living your life, not them. Make your decisions based on how it will make YOU feel.
Post # 16
@snoozebox1220: Just move in after the wedding and save your energy instead of fretting with the second guessing. You’ve made it this long to honor your faith so keep it up and you’ll be pleased with yourself in the end!