Post # 1
I (30)have been dating my fiance (43) for 3 years and i am not sure what i should do in my situation. I love my Fiance very much but his “vision” of our future clashes with mine and i am not sure where this is going.
He is owning a house with his parents 50/50 so his parents live in the house and on top of that his sister and her daughter. Both apparently low income – but they go on vacations more than i do in 5 years! the house is 50 /50 because his father couldnt afford the whole house alone so Fi helped him out.
When his parents would pass, my fiance would own the rest of the house 100%. So he is totally against buying our own place as he doesnt want to pay for 2 mortgages. I am not yet there to be able to buy my own house , i am saving and currently live in an appartment.
Well, he wants me to move in with his parents and sister+ niece and i should pay about 600 rent for one room.
His sister+daughter have 2 rooms in the house, they pay only 300 a month.
I am not comfortable with this proposal at all but everytime we talk money he totally flips out.
And I dont know if i can live with 4 other people in the same house and pay for them ( after marriage he wants to put my paycheck towards the house but i am not on the deed).
What would you do?
Thank you soooo much
Post # 3
Wait your paying rent for a house he owns?? His proposal is sending up a bunch of red flags to me be cautious hun this doesnt sound right at all especially since he is wanting to take all your pay checks and make the house payments. I understand wanting to pay it down but that basically puts you under his control money wise. I wouldnt be ok living with his family but thats just me.
Post # 4
No money towards his house until you are on the house note/lease. $600 for one room, would be totally out of the question in my area. I don’t know how rent is in your place, but that would seriously make me laugh out loud. I can get a one bedroom for $450 here.
But seriously for me, my name not on a lease would be a total deal breaker.
Post # 5
If your money is going towrd the morgage, in any way, you should be put on the deed!
Post # 7
If he is still paying off the mortgage and you move in, then I think it is fair that you contribute a little. If the house is paid off, you should only have to contribute to bills. I wouldn’t be paying anyone money (family, partner, property manager or otherwise) towards a house without some kind of binding tenancy agreement written out.
Post # 8
Don’t let him put all of your money towards the house payment unless he is willing to put you on the deed.
Post # 9
I see a couple of issues here. The first is that it seems he wants to take advantage of you and overcharge you for a room. I don’t know what the housing market is like where you live, but the three bedroom/one bathroom house next door to me is renting for $450 a month. No way would I pay $600 for a single room. What he is charging his sister is a little more reasonable, but perhaps a little low. You didn’t mention whether or not he would be living in this house. Is he trying to get the entire mortgage paid every month for him? Your $600 + his sister’s $300 + something from his parents would pretty much equal my mortgage payment.
The second issue I see is that he blows up when discussing money. This is a very, very, very big red flag to me. An adult should be able to discuss these things without thowing a temper tantrum. In fact, I think he’s acting like a child about this whole situation. He sees a way to make his life easier, your comfort be damned. I wouldn’t stand for it. Of course, my first husband was an overgrown manchild who frequently pulled crap like this.
Thirdly, he wants to take your paycheck and put it towards the house without putting your name on the deed? Your entire paycheck? I don’t freaking think so. This is also a huge, honking red flag to me because this sets you up to be dependent on him.
Post # 10
I agree with pps: You should be on the deed if you are making house payments.
Post # 11
That is so wrong. I say don’t go for it. $600 is WAY too much for a single room in a share house. He’s ripping you off. Also once you’re married you shouldn’t be paying the mortgage unless you’re name is on the house. That’s BS.
Post # 13
Totally agree with pps!! Also, 600$ toward a room would mean you get your OWN room not a shared husband and wife room right?!…probably not!
Post # 14
Yeah even in NYC, I wouldn’t pay 600 for one room in a house with 5 people unless it was in a super desirable neighborhood. Does he live there too? It seems like you two are old enough and mature enough to get your own place, he can continue to help his parents while you guys live alone and his sister cares for them. If not, then you should both move in together and you should only pay for half of one room.
Post # 15
WHAT? No. No. And if I didn’t say it before…NO! It would be one thing if you two were co-owning the house (instead of the parents) and contributing to the mortgage. But this is more like he’s subleasing a room to you. Ridiculous!
Post # 16
This is weird. You’re his fiance, and he wants you to pay double the rent as people that don’t own the house, and he wants you to pay the mortgage without having your name on the deed?
It seems to me the solution here is that he works out a payment plan with his parents and they buy out his half of the house, and you and he get your own place. Living with him and his whole freaking family while you wait for his parents to eventually die is not a reasonable long term living situation and he’s a dope for even suggesting it, much less insisting on it. 😀
It sounds like you also need to have serious discussion about your joint finances, and if he’s not willing to discuss and compromise, then that’s a problem.