Moving In with Significant Other Against Parents Wish: Your Input!!

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

If you are an adult and paying your own bills then you get have your own morals and make your own choices.

My parents also don’t beilive in that and I moved in with a prior boyfriend and we just had to agree to disagree.

Post # 4
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t know if I can vote. I did leave to move in with my boyfriend without even discussing it with them. We were long distance and I wasn’t even allowed to visit him and stay in his mom’s guest room, so I kind of took off and left. They noticed that I was gone a few weeks later (they’re divorced and don’t talk) and my dad was concerned and my mom was mad for a few days, and then everything was fine and I think they actually like him mor than me now. 

A lot of our friends express jealousy at the fact that we openly live together and the most recent comment I got was from my Maid/Matron of Honor, “not all of us can run away with our fiance.” The fact though is that he and I were miserable in our previous living situations (I’m talking we both have parents with mental disorders) and truly think that getting out of our parents’ homes made our relationships with them a bit better. 

I do think though, that you have a right to move in with him if you are supporting yourself. Another thing is, would your parents disown you if you did move? I honestly think my parents let my moving out thing go so easily (in spite of how strict my upbringing was) because I was depressed out of my mind and needed to get away. Another question is, do you know if marriage is on his mind and if so, would that make your parents feel a little better? 

Post # 5
380 posts
Helper bee

Are you talking about me? Because your story sounds just like mine 🙂

I moved in with my SO when I was about 20, against my parent’s wishes. I was living at college while attending university, but spending the majority of my time at my SO’s house, so instead of my parents forking out thousands of dollars for another year living at college, we decided to move in together. My parents weren’t very impressed. They’re religious and believe in no sex before marriage, no living in sin, etc, but they came to realise that this was what I had chosen for myself, I was still at college, still working part time, still keeping in touch with them, I still respected their beliefs, but chose my own path.

I believe you need to sit down and talk to them about it – delicately and respectfully. Your parents also need to understand that you need to be able to make your own choices in life and while you respect their beliefs, it doesn’t mean you can’t live a different way. I’m not going to lie, it’s not going to be a fun discussion, but give them time to get their heads around it and be patient with them.

Sorry about the novel haha

Post # 9
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My parents are not religious, but my mom was deadset against me moving in with my fiance (then-boyfriend) before marriage or engagement. I didn’t really need her approval, but I did want her to feel somewhat ok about it. So I laid out how it would help me out financially, emotionally, and logistically. I wrote it all out for her to see as if it were a professional presentation. And in the end, she understood why I would want to do it. If I were to do it again, I would take the emotions out of it (the “but I love himmmmms”) and focus again on how moving in together made logical sense for my lifestyle.  

Post # 11
380 posts
Helper bee

@rrobins7:  Oh by the way, we’re still living together nearly 8 years later and they LOVE him (they got over the living arrangements really quickly) – in fact, they’ve recently started telling me how wonderful it would be if we decided to have children before getting married (which made my jaw drop to the ground!! haha) so don’t stress – they will eventually come to see you as the adult you are, and it will all work out. 🙂

Post # 12
1446 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@rrobins7: I was in your situation and I just went ahead and moved in with my Darling Husband (boyfriend at the time). The truth was, I wanted to live with my SO before marriage to make sure we were fully compatible living together (I had 2 previous relationships fall apart as soon as we moved in together so this was very important to me), not to mention we just couldn’t afford to keep living separately. His parents hated the idea as they are very conservative and religious, so we just didn’t talk about it and had to agree to disagree. It’s hard at first, but they have to realize you’re an indepenent adult in grad school and can make your own choices. Good luck!

Post # 13
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My FI’s parents didn’t think we should live together, but we do anyway. I mean, what were they going to do, stop talking to him? No. Just because you don’t agree with them doesn’t mean your relationship has to be hurt in any way. I’m sure they believe things that you don’t, and you don’t hold it against them!

Post # 14
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I did it.  Parents were not happy (dad super conservative, used to think dancing was trashy). They got over it.

Post # 15
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

it’s your life.  You’re an adult.  Do what makes you happy.

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