(Closed) Moving in with SO and family…ADVICE?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@aquarius_91:  I would set ground rules right away. Like let them know you will be responsible for buying/paying for all your own food, and that they’re not expected to cook for you or provide you with any take-out.

I would also have your Fiance have a chat with the parents about boundaries… like the basement is your space, so knock first etc. It sounds so obvious, but since it’s their house and you’re presumably going to be living there rent-free, they might still treat it as their house.

Re: the bathroom I would ask the sister when she prefers to shower, and then make sure you do the opposite. The last thing you want to do is piss her off, and I know if someone started taking my bathroom away from me, I would be PISSED.

Post # 4
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

DH’s ex lived with him and his mother a long time ago. Apparently there were constand arguments between the ex and his mom regarding the kitchen and how things worked, were stored, were washed, etc. The ex apparently always said, “well in MY house we…” and it ticked his mom off to no end.

So I’d recommend figuring out the lay of the land in the kitchen, esp if you’ll be cooking your own vegan meals.

Post # 6
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@aquarius_91:  We have lived together the past two years, with 2 cross-country moves for his job under our belt.  One of the moves put us within 5 minutes of his family.  They are wonderful people and I truly love his parents and sister…but even them just stopping by could be too much for me.  They’re all very close and would see eachother all day at the family business, then after work would want us all to hang out.  It was very overwelming.

 

I’m not close to really any of my family and actually was “adopted” by family friends at 16, so the concept of THAT much time together is foreign to me.  If I couldnt handle seeing my BFs very very sweet family 3x a week, living with them would probably drive me over the edge.

 

As far as living together advice, I’d say first and foremost to go into it understanding that you will see completely different sides of eachother than you’re used to. Good, bad or ugly.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend turned out to be even MORE awesome than I thought when we moved in together: he is a chronic cleaner/neat freak who loves picking out decorations with me and cuddling 24/7.  He, on the other hand, got the short end of the stick: I am hopelessly cluttered and despise doing chores.  He’s taken it in stride, though, and its not a sore point.  My point is, you really truly do not know someone until you live with them.

 

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Honestly, this sounds like my worst nightmare, especially if you’re not used to living with other people.  Being independent and having a home with your SO would be much more important to me than having to buy a house right away – you’re not even out of college yet!  Where’s the fire?  What’s wrong with renting an apartment for a while?

Post # 9
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

After my mom passed away my brother and his wife and their three kids moved in.  The cooking thing… is a big deal.  You may want to  buy your own veggies/fruits.  My SIL cooked for crap (the deal was they moved in and paid no rent but cooked dinner).

 

The other thing is the laundry.  Get used to people leaving it sit in the washer or the dryer.   you can try .. but just sit the wet stuff on top and put your things in.  When you get your stuff outof the dryer stick their things in on light fluff so no shrinking… (HUGE blow out about that)

 

There were 6 of us using one bathroom, brother and his wife used the master.  Keep your towels in your room,  families just tend to grab what’s there.

 

That’s about it. It’s not terrible I promise lol …. we had a ton of fun and are all really close.  Those were the major hiccups  

Post # 12
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@aquarius_91:  oh my gosh. I can’t imagine a family that very rarely cooks! I eat out maybe 2 times per month! I think I would die. Lol

Post # 14
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My SO lives at my place at my Mom’s house. We live in the basement as well. We have our own bathroom and soon to be kitchen though.

I suggest bringing up the diet issue with them and discuss how it can work for both of you. Don’t be judgy of their diet habbits. Maybe have a little fridge/kitchenette appliances in the basement to keep some groceries seperate?

Something my SO does is if he has an issue with my Mom, he tells me, then I bring it up to my Mom because he isn’t comfortable. lol. Maybe talk to your SO about what to do in those situations

Also, make sure you have privacy and they respect it!

Post # 15
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@aquarius_91:  I’m sure they will adjust. Perhaps you can get a mini kitchenette for your basement floor? Mini fridge, microwave.. like a little college dorm kitchen. Only now you can have a toaster and george forman grill! It might be nice to be able to have a snack or little lunch in peace without someone walking by and saying, “mmm, that looks good! Can I have a little bit??”

Post # 16
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@memo:  Clearly you and I were on the same brain wave-length when we posted!

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