(Closed) Moving in with the Future In-laws?

posted 5 years ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
7890 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Would you still have money for expenses and savings if you rented that apartment? It’s really sweet of your Future In-Laws to let you stay with them to save money, but I can see how you’d want your own space as a new couple. I think it depends on what your priorities are. It is common for generations to share a house in some cultures, but if you prefer independence, there’s nothing wrong with establishing your own place even if it takes longer to build up your savings. 

Post # 3
Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
thefutureao:  

Interesting choices (and congrats on your pending nuptials!)

 

I could see ourselves sharing the ILs’ home for one year’s time since they have TWO master suites with separate privacy areas. Having said this, it’s not really a numbers game. There are too many intangibles involved.

If you think the two couples will be able to respect separate privacy needs and follow the “roommate agreement” that you do set into place, then you’ve got a mutually beneficial situation. Yay!

If you lack confidence that both couples will share the common areas of the home while fully respecting the separate space needed for each couple’s suites, then seek a lease elsewhere. And “separate space” in this regard includes both physical space but also schedules/activities since you should not be viewed as their adult children in their family home but more as roommates (as if you were neighbors who needed a place to stay for a year.)

 

Just my $0.02.

Post # 4
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would suck it up and live with my in laws. If you can save $1,440 a month, that is $17,280 dollars a year! Plus I assume that rent cost doesn’t factor in the cost of utilities (cable, heat, electric, etc) Also, if your in laws have two master suites, I assume they are on different floors which would mean you have some privacy. You could rent a hotel room a few times a month to keep things interesting and still save money. Saving for a down payment while paying rent is really difficult – I would definitely take them up on their offer. 

Post # 5
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

My husband and I live with my Father-In-Law. When we first moved in, it was because he suffered a massive heart attack and the Doctors said he couldn’t live on his own. The plan was to stay for six months to a year so he could get back on his feet and get well. Nearly three years later we are still living together, and actually in the process of buying a condo together. 

It just works for us. The three of us get along greats! My Father-In-Law is more like a cool, older roommate who cooks dinner and occasionally offers words of wisdom.

Post # 6
Member
3436 posts
Sugar bee

From what you’ve said about the parents making it their mission for you guys to move in, i highly recommend that you have some serious conversations ahead of time both with your Fiance and the in-laws about “what if” – what if, after you move in with them, you realize you want your own place BEFORE you are easy to buy a house. If they are leaning on you this heavily already, I suspect it will be way worse if you move in and change your mind.

 

 

Post # 7
Member
1198 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

it really depends on your relationship with them. DH and I are living with his mom for now (they co-own the place), and it has been great so far but 1. my Mother-In-Law is super chill and 2. it is very common where i live. how do you think your relationship and interactions with them will be like? how do you anticipate planning things like meals, what your time will be like? will they want you to spend most of your non-work time with them? how about chores and money for utilities? 

Post # 8
Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
snowflake8:  

So glad to hear of this arrangement! We’ve had a similar setup with an unmarried sibling who’s hosted us on long vacations. We’re pretty confident that it could work longer-term.

 

Post # 10
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

We moved in my with husband’s father and step mum in November last year (he was my fiancé then). The idea was to stay there to save money while I finished my uni degree (I had 18-24 months left). We didn’t have a definite move out date though. Everything started out well, they had a large house and we had our own bathroom. We had already lived together for 18 months before moving in with them so it was very hard for us. We were so use to our own space and running our household our own way. We lasted nearly 8 months there. It was tough! In the end our freedom and sanity was more important than saving money. My Mother-In-Law is a very over the top person and it was draining! We are so much happier in our own place. In saying that we are grateful they had us live with them because it enabled us to pay for our wedding and honeymoon. We also appreciate our own space more now. 

Post # 11
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - Lavender House Hotel

Me & my other half are in a very simular situation. We have booked our wedding for 2 years and four months time because we are funding it ourselves, we also plan to buy a house to avoid paying the very high rent prices here and simply because we would feel like rented accomodation wasnt ours and had no long term security. Because we are saving so much each month, i moved in with my FI’s Mum when i turned 22. i am now 23 and we still have 2 years and four months here. Although my FI’s mum is nice enough, living with a parent is really tough. She mothers my Fiance like something crazy, which annoys me like mad. We dont have total privacy, because although we have a room which is ours she still roams the rest of the house so we feel we have no other option but to stay in one room when we want time together. Me and my Future Mother-In-Law are also two very different people, so whereas she does not seem to see much importance in cleanliness and keeping the house tidy, its something that is very important to me in my life. Sometimes i feel frustrated to be surrounded by mess when i myself am a bit of a clean freak and at the end of the day – its her choice how she keeps the house. Living with a parent or parents is tough. my parents never agreed with my moving in and still remind me of it often, which is hurtful, they view it as us doing things “the wrong way”. I think its important to really think about the positives and negatives, weigh them up. Its all about give and take, being able to respect you are living in someone elses house and that the way you want things comes second, because you have to appreciate they are helping you out. I really respect my Future Mother-In-Law for taking us in, and i am really grateful, BUT some days it is hard, and frustrsting, and you have to think of the bigger picture to keep you going. A year and a haf sounds like not much time at all to me, but you need to think about whether you feel you can sacrifice some things during that time – for the greater good in the end. Massive congratulations and all the best for the future! x  

Post # 12
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Stay with the inlaws and save your money. A lot of people do it before they have enough saved to move out on their own. If it doesnt work out then look into that aprtment.

Also, just a side note, I wouldn’t bother trying to save 20% for a down payment before you move out, thats a LOT of money!! Most loans now a days only require a 5% down payment (mine you only needed 3.5%), plus you have tons of other expensese involved with buying a house (home inspection, insurance, moving costs, closing costs). If you wait to move until you have a 20% down payment plus enough money to cover all those other things, your going to be there forever… 20% is what people needed yeas ago but theres only 1 loan that I’m aware of that requires that much down.

Post # 13
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Um I wouldn’t live with inlaws or my parents as a newly wed couple under any circumstance. Especially if you havent lived together before. You need to create your own “nest” establish responsibilities and the family dinamic. Having inlaws there “helping” is not going to help. I know it’s tempting to save that much money but it’s not good for a newly wed couple. My parents did this in the 80’s, mom said she wouldnt let me do that ever! It’s very thoughtfull of them to offer, but I would politely decline. Stating that as a newly wed couple you guys need your space… If you absolutely must move in with them, I would rent the appartment first, live by yourselves and after the dinamic has been established then move. (By that time you hopefully wouldnt want to move in with them as you will really be enjoying all the perks of living on yournown as newliweds 😉 ) Even if it took me 10 years longer to save for a house I woulnd liveceith parents or in laws (only exception to that maybe if someone needs help due to health reasons, they can move in with us into a basement apartment or something, but that’s when we have kids and a house and arent a newly wed couple anylonger by any means. Even then I’m not a fan of the idea)

 

As George Carlin put it: ” If you want to help your children, leave them alone”

Post # 14
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Personally, I would never live with my in-laws, under any circumstance. ESP. as a newlywed couple who has never lived together. 

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