(Closed) Moving in with your SO…when do you know it's right?

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 17
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sarabee:  That sounds perfect.  That was my other thought i forgot to verbalize. How important it is to have your own space. I think you sounds pretty ready actually! You’ve put a lot of thought into this! The good thing about moviing in with someone (as opposed to getting engaged or married), is that if it isn’t working, it’s hella easy to move out. Much easier than breaking an engagement or a marriage.

Post # 18
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My SO & I moved in after 10 months of long distance (2 1/2 hours apart)…it wasn’t necessarily because I thought we had this super-awesome-huge-marriage-and-babies future. For me there were a few reasons:

1)I knew the relationship wasn’t going to last if we stayed long distance. This was huge for me, moving in was kind of a “we’re either gonna give this a real shot or we’re not gonna work out”…I wouldn’t have been able to handle the distance for much longer.
2) I was in a living situation with a roommate that I couldn’t stand any longer. I needed to get out and ASAP. I almost moved back home with my mom & transferred jobs but for some reason didn’t. I’m still not sure why I didn’t. Then about 3 weeks later, SO & I decided to move in together.

I know it can be super messy sometimes to break up when living together but it was a chance I was willing to take. I was DEFINITELY not in it for a ring though TBH. I was just giving it a shot and if it was meant to work then it would. Turns out it did. Not everyone is so lucky but you never know if you don’t try IMO. All moving in together did for us was bring us 100x closer together

Post # 19
Member
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

FH was living with his brother and another couple when we got together. I was living with my siblings, their dad and 19 others – I swear to you I’m not lying. About 7 months into the relationship, we moved into a house the stepmother owned. We spent the better part of 4 years in shared accommodation because the house we moved into fell through. We’ve lived together for 4 years now, and we’ve definitely seen our fair share of arguments over dirty socks and leaving the toilet seat up.

As for when’s the right time, if you have to ask, it might not be the best idea. In saying that, you gave many reasons as to why moving back would be a good thing. Whatever you choose, I hope it works out for you 🙂

Post # 20
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Laurenplusalex:  I’m with you on the ring part.  I was willing to flex on a lot, but not that. 

 

@tiffanyscanlan:  I’m for the advice about asking.  Look at why you’re moving in together (in my case we’re doing it so that was can save up faster for a home, but my confession is that we’ve been together for five years).  Why does he want you to move in with him?  

After only a few months I’d be nervous because no matter what you’re still getting to know the other person.  Have a few bouts of the flu (complete with explosive boldily fluids), several bad days, and a whole lot of discussions about how divide not only money & bills, but also chores (if both of you hate to do the dishes you might have a problem), what you both ultimately want from the relationship (I doesn’t have to be set in stone, but you may be thinking forever and he’s just thinking for nw), and how/when you’ll still have time apart (believe me you don’t want to be with anyone 24/7).  Try to get all that sorted out before you move in together because no matter how much you get sorted out beforehand you’ll still have a lot to sort out afterwards.

Post # 21
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@sarabee:  From the reasons you list, I think it’s clear that moving back to the city is a good choice. But if you want to move in with your SO, make sure that it’s because you really want to live with him, not just because it’s convenient.

Everyone has different values on what it means to live with someone– whether it should be only after marriage, or way before marriage is considered. I view living with someone as a commitment to share your life with them. Unless you are just looking for a roommate, when you live with a partner, you’re basically sharing every aspect of your life with him and saying that you want to be a part of every aspect of his life. Not that you have to be together all the time, but you will be accountable to each other and bear witness to each other’s most intimate and mundane moments. If that’s not something you want to do, then you should probably find your own apartment in the city.

ETA: My husband and I decided to move in together after less than 2 months of dating. We actually moved in together after 8 months of dating because we were long distance and that’s how long it took me to sort out my job and move to his city. But we knew in the first two months that we wanted to live together and share a life together. By the time I moved, we also had an agreed-upon timeline for marriage.

Post # 22
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

I moved in with a previous bf after 6 months, realized I did it for all the wrong reasons (cheaper rent, shared chores, company, etc). When I met my current SO I consciously waited about a year. We practically lived together before as I spent at least 6 nights a week with him already, we just needed to expand.

I’d say try to let the honeymoon phase run as much of it’s course as possible. Have a few big fights and understand each other’s boundaries first.

Post # 23
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

@sarabee:  you don’t seem OMGenthusiastic about it, and for that reason – I say don’t move in with him.

Moving in with someone should be an absolute no-brainer decision. And one you WANT to do because you want to – not just because your current lease has been termintated.

Post # 24
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

How much time do you guys spend together now? Do you think you could be together 24/7 without driving each other nuts? 

I’m officially moving in with my Fiance next month, after 10 months of sort-of living together (we lived a 5-minute walk from each other, and I spent 90% of my time and every night at his place) so we’ve already had the “adjustment period”. We are a really laid back & compatible couple, but there were still a few lumps in the gravy at the begining, about how you negotiate your space and your time now that everything is shared. Now that that’s out of the way, I’m 100% confident about moving in together. 

If I were you (and this were financially practical for you) I’d find a short lease near your SO’s place, and try really getting all up in each others’ space before moving in together with no escape. You’d still get all the benefits you want of being near friends too.

Post # 25
Member
4655 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

To me, you know you’re ready when you’re sleeping over so much you might as well, and you’ve realized this and had a conversation about why you’re moving in and where it’s going so no one has the wrong idea.

Though Darling Husband and I moved in way past time – we had been long distance and couldn’t afford to live separately in the city we moved to to be together anyway. 

Post # 26
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We started saving after dating for six months, and moved in after thirteen months. When you know, you know. I questioned all kinds of things; the cost, the location, the practicality – but I never questioned that I wanted to live with him. As long as you’re certain on that front, it’s right.

I don’t think there’s such thing as too soon if you’re really willing to put in the hard work it takes.

Post # 27
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

My SO and I moved in together after about 6 months – it was partly due to logistics (my contract was up for renewal, and we lived 90 minutes apart on opposite sides of London), but we had spoken about it for a couple of months and it just felt right.

We’ve now been living together 2 years.

It is personal choice, but I think the sleeping thing you will just get used to to be honest! I used to not be able to share a bed (comes from 22 years of not sharing a bed!) but now I find it hard to go to sleep without my SO there.

Post # 28
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@sarabee:  We essentially moved in together as soon as we started dating and were engaged in 3 months. It was just a natural transition for us. It works differently for everyone. Some ladies can’t believe I got engaged and married so soon and on the other hand, I can’t believe people date for 10 years and don’t get engaged and married.

If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that other’s can’t impose their timelines on you and vice versa. You need to do what is best for you two and not worry about what anyone else says. There will always be someone who doesn’t agree with what you are doing and you can’t please everyone. Might as make yourselves happy!

Post # 29
Member
2807 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

he moved in with me after… 5 months. my lease was up, and he needed out of his house (parent issues). so he moved. wasn’t ideal, we had our issues. but they worked out.

if i had to do it again? it wouldn’t happen as soon as it did. i love him, i do. but neither of us are easy to live with, and the adjustment period has been a long one.

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