Post # 1
In January my fiance and I are making a HUGE move from Indiana to Florida. He is orginally from FLorida and his family is there. Most of my family is in INdiana, except one aunt. She’ll be about 2 hours away from where we’ll be living. I’m really excited for the move, to be close to beaches, and close to his grandparents who I love. But I’m also really worried about missing my family and being absolutely miserable. I’m really close with my family, and crying as I type this out. I know its going to be really hard on my mom, since my brother moved to Minnesota last year so she’ll be left with an empty nest. My dad will be upset too but I think he will handle it better.
To the point.. I’d love to hear from you all about your experiences moving a long distance away from your family. How did you handle it? How did the deal with it?
Post # 2
I feel you! I moved ~1000 miles with my DH at the begining of last year, and was supper sad about leaving my family as well. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be though! Here are my tips:
1) Make sure you keep money in the budget for visits back home. A weekend back is just great. By the time I hit my 1 year mark in my new location I think I’ll have visited home 5 times.
2) We prioritized getting a place with a spare bedroom so that we could host family & friends and encourage them to come to town and visit us. This has been great as we’ve had many visitors and it takes the pressure off of us to not have to be the ones traveling constantly.
3) Facetime! My whole immediate family are iphone users, so we facetime regularly. We even got an iPad for my grandma and taught her how to use it before leaving. It’s pretty cool that my 85 year old grandma can call me on “the little computer.” It makes such a difference to see people when you’re talking to them and to be able to do mundane things like show your mom how you’ve hung the pictures in your new living room or whatever.
4) Texting, sending photos, etc is a great way to keep in touch for those normal every day moments.
I will say, it hasn’t been as bad as I’d worried. Sure, I miss my family, but I really enjoy the life I’m building with my husband. Moving together gives you an opportunity to be together more on your own terms and without the baggage of old routines. Focus on the positive aspects
Post # 3
I have done big moves a lot, we are moving to another state again next week.
the first time I moved from my family there was a moment when all of a sudden an epic amount of loneliness hit me like a truck. I was so sad. This has pretty much happened every time I’ve moved to a new city.
but I know it gets better. You do have to give yourself a good amount of time to adjust. It can be really hard to put yourself out there and meet new people, but you have to do it. It gets easier. I’d say at most places it takes 6-12 months to feel settled in.
I also talked to my mom every night on the phone in some of the new places. You do what you have to do! 🙂
Post # 4
Thank you! Our wedding is in April and everyone is coming down for it. And we plan to visit every Christmas. I’m also thinking a visit in the summer every year. I text with my mom alot now, so I’m sure we can stay in touch that way. My dad recently got an iphone so I’ll have to teach him how to Face Time. It’ll also help that we can finally have our own place when we get down there. We share an apartment with one of his friends, and he’s so obnoxious. Living totally alone will be awesome.
Thank you for sharing too! It has to be really tough moving several times. I’m hoping I’ll be close to adjusted by the wedding so it wont be as upsetting when they all have to go back again.
Post # 5
Congratulations on the move! There are so many ways to keep in touch now: phone, email, text, facetime, etc. You will still be able to talk with your family!
I have lived far from my parents my whole adult life and have moved several times, and I still get emotional when I have to leave my parents again. It’s awesome, though, when you get to show your family the new life you’ve created for yourself and when you go home and see all the changes in the old city.
Post # 6
We moved from Indiana to Oregon and then again from Oregon to Virginia. As PPs have said texting, facetime, skype, etc are great ways to stay in contact. My mom and I text quite a bit, and my best friend and I have Skype dates several times a month. Because of finances, we were unable to fly back to Indiana and neither set of parents were able to fly out to Oregon for the first year. That first Thanksgiving and Christmas alone was difficult, but we were able to begin our own holiday traditions.
We moved out to Oregon for DH’s grad school; he made friends through his classes but I felt very isolated. It does take some effort to settle yourself in and meet new people, although it sounds like you will have his family close by. The first few weeks, and then the first holiday/special event, away from family are rough but you’ll make it!
Post # 7
I’ve moved across country several times and up and over, coast to coast… Everywhere but the deep middle.
It’s hard. I prefer being in the same time zone as family, it makes a huge difference re staying in contact. When there’s a three hour time difference, someone is staying up super late to talk.
But it’s also exciting and you’re starting a new life with your DH!! Plus you have his family there. I’ve moved knowing no one, which is challenging, so I think you have a leg up there, although it’s not your family. But it will be a new chapter in your life together:-) plus… Beaches!
Post # 8
- Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI
I totally understand. I moved halfway across the country from anyone I ever knew and moved around after that and I’m only recently close to my family. I made it a point to get to know people which helped. I made friends at the apartment pool, meet up groups, and coworkers.
It takes a lot of planning to go back home, but I always loved going back for a visit. It made me more independent, self confident, and I got to know who I was as a person. when I had a problem I couldn’t call my parents for advice (mainly maintenance issues because I used to be clueless about fixing anything).
Now that I’m close with my parents and brother it has made me lazier about meeting new friends actually
Post # 9
We moved from Tennessee to Indiana. It was tough to leave our loved ones behind. It was also tough given as we had kind of short notice so I was finding a job by the seat of my pants as soon as we got the moving truck unpacked. It’s been a few years now, and we’re making it work. His parents come up in in the summer. We go down for Thanksgiving/Christmas- alternating, then we do the other one together however we want it to be. Our families met us kind of half way for the wedding. We talk to our families via skype, facebook, text, etc all the time in between and send lots of pictures.
Post # 10
I’ve never done a big, cold turkey move to a far away place but I did move away for college and have moved even further away since. For me, I missed home that first 6 months until I grew to love my college town but after that, I missed it less and less. Now I dread making the trip back home every few months. My advice is to do things that make you fall in love with your new home, make friends, go out and see things, etc.
Missing home is normal but don’t waste tons of time being sad and moping around becuase that just draws out the process. Give yourself a month or two to settle in and pretty soon you’ll realize that there are places outside your comfort zone that are pretty darn cool!
Post # 11
What I say may not help, but I’ll talk about it from my viewpoint. I moved across the country, away from my parents and friends, when I was 18 (starting college). For the past four years (as I’m finishing up) I see my family once a year. It can be difficult, and I’m very close with them, but it’s not as bad as you would think.
As other posters have mentioned, with Skype, texts, email, facetime, etc, it makes it really easy to manage, emotionally. I talked to my parents every 3-4 days on the phone, and skype them once every month and a half. If anything, it’s harder for them than for me. I’d plan in your budget to try and fly home, at least, twice a year. Maybe once around Christmas, and once around the summer?:)
Post # 12
I never moved long distance for a boyfriend/FI. I only did so when married, when *I* was family.
The logistics of a cross-country move can vary based upon your personal situation. IN to FL is only going to be drastic when the winter comes, imo. If you’re moving from the suburbs of an IN city to a FL metro area, then that will also be drastic. Otherwise, you’ll find that FL living is just as comfortable as IN living, or vice versa.
Juggling family communication and family reunions will be a little more complicated but most of us have to do it when we fly the nest.
eta: I’ve moved long distances for work, school, and later for marriage. And then we’ve moved long distance together for job changes.
Post # 13
I moved from so cal to Massachusetts. The hardest part is missing family. Skype, Facebook, Instagram, even snap chat, and calls home help. Just remember timezones are a thing. It’s lonely too. All of his friends will talk about memories you have no part of that’s isolating but the best you can do is give yourself time.
Post # 14
I second cbgg
‘s advice. My job requires a move to a location not of my choice every 3rd or 4th year. I’ve never lived closer than a plane flight away from my family since I left for college at 17. The technology situation has really made this much, much easier than when I first moved. I would recommend making sure that your family knows how to use the technology before you go. My fam was not tech-oriented so we actually got my mom a tablet because it’s so easy to use. Now my 95-year-old grandma can use Skype (with some help)!
Another thing is to try to build in some flexibility in both the budget and your schedule. I end up not visiting my family at the holidays, because the cost of 1 holiday-time ticket gets me 3 tickets at other times of the year. My family is fine with this because they prefer more visits to having me home exactly on Thanksgiving. Everyone has to get a little more flexible.
Post # 15
My entire family is in PA and I moved here 7 1/2 years ago. It doesn’t get easy, especially now that I have neices and nephews. My husband’s family is small and kind of scattered though his mom and dad do live here in FL. We’re close to the most magical place on earth so that brings my family down at least every 2 years and we try to get up at least once or twice a year. Hubs can usually tell when I need a trip. We’ve been going up the last few years around the fall. It’s defintiely hard if you’re close with your family but Facebook is amazing to keep in touch as are video chats!