(Closed) Moving long distance- what to expect

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
5867 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I feel you!  I moved ~1000 miles with my DH at the begining of last year, and was supper sad about leaving my family as well.  It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be though!  Here are my tips:

1) Make sure you keep money in the budget for visits back home.  A weekend back is just great.  By the time I hit my 1 year mark in my new location I think I’ll have visited home 5 times.   

2) We prioritized getting a place with a spare bedroom so that we could host family & friends and encourage them to come to town and visit us.  This has been great as we’ve had many visitors and it takes the pressure off of us to not have to be the ones traveling constantly.

3) Facetime!  My whole immediate family are iphone users, so we facetime regularly.  We even got an iPad for my grandma and taught her how to use it before leaving.  It’s pretty cool that my 85 year old grandma can call me on “the little computer.”  It makes such a difference to see people when you’re talking to them and to be able to do mundane things like show your mom how you’ve hung the pictures in your new living room or whatever.  

4) Texting, sending photos, etc is a great way to keep in touch for those normal every day moments.  

I will say, it hasn’t been as bad as I’d worried.  Sure, I miss my family, but I really enjoy the life I’m building with my husband.  Moving together gives you an opportunity to be together more on your own terms and without the baggage of old routines.  Focus on the positive aspects

Post # 3
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
mrsv2016:  I have done big moves a lot, we are moving to another state again next week.

the first time I moved from my family there was a moment when all of a sudden an epic amount of loneliness hit me like a truck. I was so sad. This has pretty much happened every time I’ve moved to a new city.

but I know it gets better. You do have to give yourself a good amount of time to adjust. It can be really hard to put yourself out there and meet new people, but you have to do it. It gets easier. I’d say at most places it takes 6-12 months to feel settled in. 

I also talked to my mom every night on the phone in some of the new places. You do what you have to do! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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mrsv2016:  Congratulations on the move! There are so many ways to keep in touch now: phone, email, text, facetime, etc. You will still be able to talk with your family! 

I have lived far from my parents my whole adult life and have moved several times, and I still get emotional when I have to leave my parents again. It’s awesome, though, when you get to show your family the new life you’ve created for yourself and when you go home and see all the changes in the old city. 

Post # 6
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 2010

We moved from Indiana to Oregon and then again from Oregon to Virginia.  As PPs have said texting, facetime, skype, etc are great ways to stay in contact.  My mom and I text quite a bit, and my best friend and I have Skype dates several times a month.  Because of finances, we were unable to fly back to Indiana and neither set of parents were able to fly out to Oregon for the first year.  That first Thanksgiving and Christmas alone was difficult, but we were able to begin our own holiday traditions.

We moved out to Oregon for DH’s grad school; he made friends through his classes but I felt very isolated.  It does take some effort to settle yourself in and meet new people, although it sounds like you will have his family close by.  The first few weeks, and then the first holiday/special event, away from family are rough but you’ll make it!

Post # 7
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’ve moved across country several times and up and over, coast to coast…  Everywhere but the deep middle. 

It’s hard. I prefer being in the same time zone as family, it makes a huge difference re staying in contact. When there’s a three hour time difference, someone is staying up super late to talk. 

But it’s also exciting and you’re starting a new life with your DH!! Plus you have his family there. I’ve moved knowing no one, which is challenging, so I think you have a leg up there, although it’s not your family. But it will be a new chapter in your life together:-) plus… Beaches! 

Post # 8
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

I totally understand. I moved halfway across the country from anyone I ever knew and moved around after that and I’m only recently close to my family. I made it a point to get to know people which helped. I made friends at the apartment pool, meet up groups, and coworkers. 

It takes a lot of planning to go back home, but I always loved going back for a visit. It made me more independent, self confident, and I got to know who I was as a person. when I had a problem I couldn’t call my parents for advice (mainly maintenance issues because I used to be clueless about fixing anything). 

Now that I’m close with my parents and brother it has made me lazier about meeting new friends actually 

Post # 9
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We moved from Tennessee to Indiana. It was tough to leave our loved ones behind. It was also tough given as we had kind of short notice so I was finding a job by the seat of my pants as soon as we got the moving truck unpacked. It’s been a few years now, and we’re making it work. His parents come up in in the summer. We go down for Thanksgiving/Christmas- alternating, then we do the other one together however we want it to be. Our families met us kind of half way for the wedding. We talk to our families via skype, facebook, text, etc all the time in between and send lots of pictures. 

Post # 10
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve never done a big, cold turkey move to a far away place but I did move away for college and have moved even further away since. For me, I missed home that first 6 months until I grew to love my college town but after that, I missed it less and less. Now I dread making the trip back home every few months. My advice is to do things that make you fall in love with your new home, make friends, go out and see things, etc. 

Missing home is normal but don’t waste tons of time being sad and moping around becuase that just draws out the process. Give yourself a month or two to settle in and pretty soon you’ll realize that there are places outside your comfort zone that are pretty darn cool!

Post # 11
Member
919 posts
Busy bee

What I say may not help, but I’ll talk about it from my viewpoint. I moved across the country, away from my parents and friends, when I was 18 (starting college). For the past four years (as I’m finishing up) I see my family once a year. It can be difficult, and I’m very close with them, but it’s not as bad as you would think. 

As other posters have mentioned, with Skype, texts, email, facetime, etc, it makes it really easy to manage, emotionally. I talked to my parents every 3-4 days on the phone, and skype them once every month and a half. If anything, it’s harder for them than for me. I’d plan in your budget to try and fly home, at least, twice a year. Maybe once around Christmas, and once around the summer?:)

Post # 12
Member
4233 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
mrsv2016:  

I never moved long distance for a boyfriend/FI. I only did so when married, when *I* was family.

The logistics of a cross-country move can vary based upon your personal situation. IN to FL is only going to be drastic when the winter comes, imo. If you’re moving from the suburbs of an IN city to a FL metro area, then that will also be drastic. Otherwise, you’ll find that FL living is just as comfortable as IN living, or vice versa.

Juggling family communication and family reunions will be a little more complicated but most of us have to do it when we fly the nest.

Happy flying!

 

 

eta: I’ve moved long distances for work, school, and later for marriage. And then we’ve moved long distance together for job changes.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  NFLwidow.
Post # 13
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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mrsv2016:  I moved from so cal to Massachusetts. The hardest part is missing family. Skype, Facebook, Instagram, even snap chat, and calls home help. Just remember timezones are a thing. It’s lonely too. All of his friends will talk about memories you have no part of that’s isolating but the best you can do is give yourself time.

Post # 14
Member
448 posts
Helper bee

I second 

View original reply
cbgg‘s advice. My job requires a move to a location not of my choice every 3rd or 4th year. I’ve never lived closer than a plane flight away from my family since I left for college at 17. The technology situation has really made this much, much easier than when I first moved. I would recommend making sure that your family knows how to use the technology before you go. My fam was not tech-oriented so we actually got my mom a tablet because it’s so easy to use. Now my 95-year-old grandma can use Skype (with some help)!

Another thing is to try to build in some flexibility in both the budget and your schedule. I end up not visiting my family at the holidays, because the cost of 1 holiday-time ticket gets me 3 tickets at other times of the year. My family is fine with this because they prefer more visits to having me home exactly on Thanksgiving. Everyone has to get a little more flexible.

Post # 15
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
mrsv2016:  My entire family is in PA and I moved here 7 1/2 years ago. It doesn’t get easy, especially now that I have neices and nephews. My husband’s family is small and kind of scattered though his mom and dad do live here in FL. We’re close to the most magical place on earth so that brings my family down at least every 2 years and we try to get up at least once or twice a year. Hubs can usually tell when I need a trip. We’ve been going up the last few years around the fall. It’s defintiely hard if you’re close with your family but Facebook is amazing to keep in touch as are video chats! 

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