Post # 1
I was engaged to my high school sweetheart of 7 years and had a $30,000 wedding planned for January 2017. Long story short, three weeks before the wedding, he called it off because he was secretly dating one of his coworkers and decided he wanted to be with her more. And that was that.
After 3 very difficult months, my friends somehow convinced me to try online dating “just to talk to guys and get a self-esteem boost, you don’t even have to meet or date any of them”. Weirdly, it helped a little; I got some confidence back and started getting better. After talking to about 100 guys and meeting up with (yes, I gave in eventually) about 20, I found my current boyfriend. We’ve been perfect together now for a little over a year. We’ve talked about it before and we’re sure that we’ll get married eventually, whenever I feel ready and comfortable to put myself back in that situation again.
My question is this: how early after essentially a failed marriage is too early to commit to someone new? “Don’t worry what anyone else thinks, you do whatever you want!” I know, I know. But I really do worry about it, especially about my family getting judgmental behind my back like “wasn’t she JUST engaged?” or “why is she having another wedding again so soon?” I don’t want a ring today, but if I feel ready, I (meaning both me and my boyfriend) could see being engaged by the end of the year. With my history, is it too soon? Will people (AKA my family and friends) think I’m crazy and just jumping into things?
Post # 2
Here’s a story for you. My friend her husband was married for three months and left her. A month later he meant my friend on tinder. After knowing each other two months, they moved in together. 14 months of dating and they’re engaged! 16 month engagement and they’re married. So basically he had two weddings in three years. So I think you’re ok!!
Post # 3
You’re not getting engaged right away after your last one, a year and a half has passed and will be closer to 3 years when you tie the knot of you get engaged late this year and have a year planning. That’s plenty of time in between! Congrats and good luck.
Post # 4
If I were in your shoes, I’d ask myself why I want to get married—is it because this guy is the one and you’d marry him no matter what, or do you want to get married just to be married? If it’s the former, I wouldn’t worry about what people say or think; everyone’s relationship moves according to its own timing. If you know in your heart that you want to get married for the right reasons, that’s all that matters in my opinion.
I was single for three years after a really rough break up, so I knew my husband was it for me as soon as I met him. We got engaged after 3 months on dating. Everyone thought we were nuts and even though I’d been single so long, I got a lot of “desperate for a husband” comments. Oh well. We got married last October and after 2.5 years together, my instinct from the beginning was right.
Post # 5
this happened to a friend of mine. She was with her ex from the age of 14, they lived together and got engaged when she was 27 I think. Wedding was all planned and then 4 months before it she discovered he was having an affair with her brother’s girlfriend (they all lived together at the time). The wedding was clearly off!
Quite soon after she was persuaded to go on Match.com for fun. A bit like you she just wanted to get a confidence boost nothing more. She was still in the process of finalising the break up. The relationship was over but they owned a house together and so they had some legal bits to sort out before they could properly go their own way.
She met a bloke who was amazing and completely different to her ex in all the right ways. I think they met about 6 months or so after the break up. They got engaged a year later and married a year after that. Their first child was born in November. They have been together just over 4 years and have married, brought a house and had a baby. They are super happy together. I don’t think anyone batted an eyelid over the speed because once they met him they saw just how right they were together.
So, if it feels right do it.
Post # 6
I personally met my current fiance a month after I broke up with my ex. We got together very shortly after and are engaged within a year. People started off saying that I was desperate, but my instincts were right. My ex cheated emotionally a couple of times and was a chronic liar, so a marriage wouldn’t have worked out.
Post # 7
I was with my ex for 10 years and met my current partner (about 4 months after my ex and I had formally split) via online dating. My new partner had just split up (6 months previously) with his ex of 3 years who he had a young child with.
We moved in together after 6 months, got engaged 18 months later and are now married, in a new house and TTC.
Sometimes coming out of a long relationship allows you to see things more clearly quite quickly. If it feels right, go for it and don’t worry what other people think!
I had people telling me I need to date more before settling down, he had people worrying that he was getting into something way too soon after a bad break-up (esp as there was a child involved)… but here we are!
Post # 8
I can’t even begin to tell you girls how much better I feel! Talking to friends, I think they all just tell me what I want to hear. Hearing from an outsider that the timing isn’t a problem is seriously such a relief, thank you!!
Post # 9
Your ex broke up with you. You didn’t do anything wrong. Lots of time has passed imo and you are free to get engaged/married on your own timeline.
Post # 10
This is an odd perspective, but two months after our divorce, my ex husband got the girl he had been dating pregnant. They got engaged as soon as they found out. They were married six months later and just had their second child.
They really seem perfect for each other. Obviously, he and I weren’t. Things work out in an odd way sometimes, and you stumble across the person for you when you least expect it.
From my perspective, I was also doing the casual dating thing when I met my current SO. I had finally started holding all the guys I went on dates with at arm’s length, and it was working well for me on not getting unecessarily attached to anyone. Not with him. From the first date, we clicked, and that was that.
Post # 11
I split with my ex-husband 3 years ago. I knew my current Fiance while I was married, but we were just aquantances, we started casually dating less then a month after I split with my husband. We kept it quiet because we knew people would judge and didn’t want to deal with the comments. What people didn’t know was that my husband as an extremly controlling, emotionally abusive person and I had emotionally been disconnected from that relationship for years; the split was difficult but more because of the failed marriage then of sadness over losing my ex. I felt emotionally ready to be with someone else (casually).
Fiance and I dated a year, moved in together and were engaged 6 months later. So engaged 1.5 years after I split with my first husband; we are getting married next month which will be 3 years after my split. Alot of people thought it was quick, I wont lie, and that sucked that people were SO judgey. I had people coming up and asking if I was pregnant and that’s why we were rushing. Not cool. So be prepared for some comments
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I split from my ex of 7 years (married for 1.5 yrs) in Nov 2015, met my SO in Dec 2016, moved in together Feb 2018 and have started ring shopping! If you are dating for the right reasons and are with someone for the right reasons (not to just be with someone), the timing doesnt really matter too much. The reason you’re not supposed to date right away is because in those early times, you can be desparate and settle for someone just so you can be with someone…. If that’s not the case, then I wouldnt worry!
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
SUPER long story short: My mom and dad were together for more than 35 years. I thought they were the perfect couple. He checked out and cheated, they got divorced, my mom barely survived it (but “nevertheless, she persisted”). The divorce was final in October 2014, my mom met someone in April 2015, they were engaged in August 2015, and got married in March 2016 (17 months after the divorce). My dad was my mom’s WORLD. She lost all hope after everything went down (the long story part that isn’t relevant to this post so I’ll save it), but life and love goes on. And as with ChasingZenith, they met and clicked on the first date and that was that. The timeline seemed short to me (I’m nearly 30 but from the kid perspective, I was wary and felt protective of her), but my mom and stepdad are SO MUCH more compatible together than my parents were. And on that note, my dad and his partner (the one he cheated with) are also incredibly compatible. Now I can see that my mom and dad’s relationship wasn’t all that great behind the scenes, and I’m more informed from my own personal experience as well (was with my ex-fiance for 8 years and when I ended things, I met my current fiance two weeks later and it was ridiculous how quickly I felt something for him—now it’s 4+ years later and I feel so much more woke). Compatibility is a thing, and if you feel it, TRULY feel it, I don’t think timing should deter you from moving forward.
Post # 14
I understand your feelings on when is the right time. I was married for 7 years then divorced. I started dating my current boyfriend right after the divorce. We have been together for three years now and the entire time he talked about wanting to marry me and seemed ready. I refused to talk about marriage to him because I wasn’t fully over the divorce, my fears, and other’s comments about getting into a relationship so quickly was bad and was told he was wrong for me. Now recently I finally feel ready and he isn’t ready, which is probably my fault! So to me, if you feel ready and he feels ready then there should be nothing you should worry about or care what others think. Don’t let your fears or other’s comments ruin anything that you feel is right in your heart. Everyone heals from relationships at a different pace. It is your life and your feelings, only you know what is best for you.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
Forget what people will think. You know in your heart what’s right for you!