(Closed) Moving on is hard

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8146 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Moving on is hard, but only in the beginning.  You can look forward to the day when you shudder just thinking about what it would have been like staying with him.

 

You are right to go No Contact.  Every contact with him is just going to scrape the wound open again.

 

It does get easier.  One day at a time, one hour, one minute, one second at a time if need be.  We’re here for you.

 

And yes, you’re right!  There are lots of people who want marriage and children.  You just couldn’t go out and find them with that boat anchor tied to your ankle.  Now you are free to chart your own destiny. 

 

Post # 4
Member
2490 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

*hugs* I’m sorry you’re feeling so low 🙁

Just remember that it’s only early stages right now. As time passes you will miss him less and less and before you know it you will have moved on and hopefully be on your way to finding someone who really deserves you! As hard and painful as it is right now you know in your heart that you did the right thing and now you have the freedom to move on.

There’s definitely people out there who want marriage and children and I have faith that you will find someone like that for you and probably sooner than you think.

Post # 6
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MariaW:  ((HUGS)) Oh, hon.  Have you thought about trying to go out on some dates, just for fun?  I know you’re not ready for anything serious yet but the more you can get your mind off of him and onto something/someone else the easier the healing process will be.

Don’t contact him.  Give yourself a reward for every day you can get through without contacting him.  And when he contacts you, ignore him.  This will empower you so much you can’t imagine!  Rewarding yourself is important, too.  Go on a shopping spree or buy yourself some flowers.  🙂

Hang in there, you’re doing great!

Post # 7
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

the breakup is still fresh for you, so it will be hard for you now. contacting him will only make it harder to move on.  after awhile it wont be.  you’d be suprised at how many people ive come across who are forth coming about marriage and not unsure the way your ex SO has been. wnenever you get the urge to talk to him keep that in mind. 

 

its better to have a man with no doubts in his mind about you then someone who still is unsure he wants to commit to you after 3 years. men like that do exist.

 

one of the things that helped me, was writing down a list of reminders of why i left in the first place. the emotions he made me feel, low self esteem, depression, frustration etc from waiting on a commitment he was unsure about.

 

whenever i felt the urge to call or text him i woild read that list first, that kept me from hitting the speed dial button plenty. just take it day by day, it will get easy..

 

 

 

Post # 8
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

You’ll get there. Do you have a friend or a family member you can call when you want to talk to him? It may help to have someone “talk you down.” 

Post # 11
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@MariaW:  shortly after i left my ex i felt the way u do about dating. that i was ‘cheating’ on him. i went one date and i was a total wet blanket. instead of enjoying my time with my date i kept wishing i was spending it with my ex. wouldnt advise dating now. 

 

the gym is definitely a good outlet post breakup.. 

 

Post # 12
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@MariaW:  I really think you should. Right now it sounds like you and SO are still kind of “in it together.” You probably feel like he’s the only one you can talk to about this. The more you break ties, the faster you can move on. 

Post # 13
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@MariaW:  lack of commitment was the only thing on my list too. i think it helps to write more about how he made you feel about it during that time. even looking back at your old threads here about it can be a reminder.

 

Post # 14
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@NickiBee:  +1 and i think a list of why you left is a really good idea, good motivation

Post # 16
Member
482 posts
Helper bee

@MariaW:  Good! and do try not to see it as you werent ‘good enough’ i know its not easy, our exes did a number on our self esteem with ‘waiting’

 

but you did all you could do for the relationship. you are a good woman. you werent the problem, its him. dont let his hangups about commitment effect your self worth. this is his loss.

 

*hugs* 🙂

 

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