- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2024
I’m a regular bee on this site but wanted to go anon for this one. None of you know any of this yet- I haven’t announced a thing. 🙁
Quite awhile ago, my fiance and I got into a huge fight. He was being disrespectful to people in my life, and I wanted it to stop. Ultimately, we decided to call off our wedding. There is almost as much work into calling off a wedding as there is planning one. Save the dates were out. It was a huge mess. We remained in contact, but when we did communicate it was all fighting over whether the sky was blue or purple or grey. Looking back, it was the biggest waste of time. His stepmom called and cancelled the actual wedding, which was not her place at all since we were the ones paying for it, but whatever it was one less thing I had to do. His stepmom and I were always fake nice to each other and never got along- she is all about money, and that isn’t the way I live my life.
However, I started to move on. I wasn’t “seeing” anyone, but I don’t have a lot of friends, so I was looking to expand my circle.. I know Tinder isn’t exactly the way you do that, but I was using it to meet/talk to people, not for hookups or anything like that. I met a guy who was in med school just looking for friends, so we met up one day and went for a walk and just hung out. He wants to work for the hospital I work at, so we talked a lot about that, nothing sexual. Well, my ex fiance found out (before we separated our phone bill), and threw a fit. He made me text him saying to never talk to me again and told everyone (including his family) that I cheated on him, so that’s when the hating all started. I was under the impression we were done and over with the wedding being called off, but whatever.
Fast forward a little while, and he says he wants to work on things. I am very clear that I don’t think it’s a very good idea to be anything more than friends at this point. His family all hates me because they think I’m this awful person even though literally all I did was go for a walk. Whatever. He then threatens me that he’s better than me and more powerful (he’s in law enforcement), so I agree just to shut him up and almost in fear. We agreed to start off as friends. At this point, I’m SO over relationships and dealing with everything. My ex fiance is fighting with me everyday, threatening me, and won’t let go.
Anyways, a guy from college texted me. He saw about the wedding being called off and reached out because he had gone through something similar with his ex two years ago (he’s older than I am). He invited me over for a drink and to chat, and I agreed. It was a fun night and made me feel so much better about my decisions. Well, we had WAY too much to drink while talking and ended up in bed. We didn’t have sex, but other things happened. My ex fiance at this point is still blowing up my phone about getting back into a relationship (mind you- this is MONTHS later), so I thought by telling him that I moved on to a different guy would make him finally go away.
I was wrong. It didn’t. He then went and told everyone that I slept with this kid (which I didn’t), including his family. His stepmom started texting me that I am no longer a part of their family and am not welcome in their home anymore (thought this was true when the wedding was cancelled but okay) and that I’m nothing to them. Fine. I made it clear to her that I do not want to hear from my ex.
Fast forward a few more weeks, and I get a text message from my ex that he forgave me for what I had done (this made up cheating scandal) and that he got accepted into his go-away training program that took forever to get accepted to. I was with him for it all and helped him with the process, so he wanted to say thank you. Okay that’s fine. He then says that he would like to talk and start over, which is fine by me even though I know it’s a bad idea because he literally ruined my reputation, but I’m not seeing anyone or on Tinder at this point, so I agree. We met up to talk and he started saying how he wants me at his Family Day at training (which his parents and family will be at) and how he wants me to come for some of his weekend visits. Then, I see a message on his phone from his stepmom telling him how disappointed she is in him for giving the w**re another chance.
I don’t know how to get rid of him or take the steps to move on with this relationship, and it is KILLNG me slowly each day. I love him and want him to be happy, but if we were to enter back into a friendship or relationship, I feel like we would both be just so destroyed from all of this happening. Now, his family hates me, which he knows I am not okay with at all. I’m just not okay with this, but I also feel like I’m letting his stepmom win, which pisses me off beyond belief. If it was just the two of us in this world, I feel like all would be okay, and that we wouldn’t have problems, but this isn’t the case. I understand why his family hates me- I am just so upset that it is built on LIES instead of actual events that happened.
UGH! Sorry bees. Just needed to VENT. I feel like I’m so tangled in a huge mess and can’t even get my head on straight to make an informed decision. 🙁