Post # 1
Does anyone find it difficult to be moving on with their lives -getting married, getting into family mode and still having single friends who aren’t there yet?? Nothing wrong with that, its just that since a couple of them have gone through recent breakups they are not into wedding mode at all, the single ones don’t care and the ones in relationships are worried about catering to the single girls and finding them a man.
I’m finding all my friends are either in relationships that are coming to a close or have just broken up with their significant others. I feel so left out being the first to get married and the only one who is engaged. How do I get over this? For those who are married, did you lose your friends after you got married? Its kind of ironic, but I feel like I’m going to be so lonely once I’m married… I realize I will have my husband but still its not the same as the support of women in your life!
Post # 3
Awww. I’m sorry you’re going thru this. It does seem to me like once you get engaged and start to plan a wedding that those of your friends who are nowhere near that same point in their lives start to migrate away from you.
Post # 4
Sorry you’re feeling like this.
Yeah, sometimes when you’re not at the same stage in your life, friendships can drift.
But, right now you have so much to look forward to, and your friends seem like the ones who need support. Be there for them; they’ll appreciate it and I’m sure they’ll be excited about what’s happening for you, too!
I don’t have many friends in my life, and those I have are all at different stages and live different lives. But the beauty is that we always have good times together and have each other’s backs.
Post # 5
I agree that it’s hard to be at a different place in your life than your friends…I’m the first one in my group of friends to get engaged, and I definitely feel like there’s a bit of distance that’s developed, even though nothing has changed from when we were dating to when we got engaged–we’re the same couple. One possibility might be that my mind is for sure more focused on wedding stuff and the things that come after–aka, kids lol. So I really have to try not to get too caught up in those things and try to relate to my friends on different levels. I think there’s also the sense that once you’re engaged, your relationship problems are over–as if engaged couples don’t fight or disagree!
Post # 6
I agree—unfortunately, I think marriage is likely to change friendships because the majority of your time is spent with your husband (as it should be) instead of socializing with friends. When I think about married couples I know, it’s true that I don’t see them separately as much anymore.
But just because the friendships change doesn’t mean they go away. I think we will all just have to learn how to adapt and adjust and make a new kind of friendship work.
I agree, though, that I am worried about how, for example, my friendship with my best friend will change. She and I are so used to being able to have girls night, and I know that will be a little different once I’m married.
I’m interested to hear others’ thoughts as well.
Post # 7
I know what you feel. I was the the first to get engaged and one of the first to get engaged. It really depends on what you have with the friends but I had a couple single friends when I was engaged and it wasn’t really too strange. I used them for the fun girls nights out dancing. I think as long as you have a life seperate from your marriage, you will still have things to talk about with your single friends.
Post # 8
Thanks for the kind words and support ladies. I just feel almost like I have to be a different person just to fit in when I’m around my single friends, especially around the ones who’ve recently been dumped. I just don’t know what to do anymore… I feel like they all still like me and we have a good time, I just feel labelled as the “married one” its like my life isn’t as exciting as theirs anymore. I used to be the life of the party in this circle of friends and now I just feel like an old boring maid
Post # 9
i do feel the same way… one of my bm’s is married (almost 3 years!)… 1 bm is in a totally legit bf/gf relationship… but the other 3 are in cloudy/gray mixed up relationships/remnants of an old relationship… and all of my gf’s that will be attending the wedding are single and not looking to get married.
it’s really sad not to have that in common.. esp with my moh/best… but i think as long as both of you acknowledge the difference and not let it get in the way and still make the effort to getogether for girls nights, etc… you will not lose your friends!! 😀
Post # 10
@ missjyc… at least you have the one Bridesmaid or Best Man that’s married to feed off of. I feel like such a winey person today so sorry if this comes off as rantish. The few couple friends we have left or have started to make have babies, which is another stage of life we’re not even close to…I feel like I’m stuck in between with no territory to call my own!