(Closed) Moving out – Am I crazy?

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 76
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Accept that he is not the man for you and move on. No time for recriminations. It’s quite likely that you will look back on this in a few years and be glad you left.

Post # 78
Member
32 posts
Newbee

You’re doing the right thing. Gotta stick to your values and what works for you, especially when he knew what you wanted all along and was not aligned. 

It’ll be a tough time, but keep being strong! 🙂

Post # 79
Member
2013 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
MadamMiko:  You guys just don’t sound on the same page…I think he’s right. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’m really into personal finance and I would have trouble marrying someone with so much debt (and such a high income). I would also not want to purchase a house until we as a couple had zero debt, and I DEFINITELY wouldn’t have a child with that much debt.

For me having finances in order makes life easier, more fun, less stressful. Because of that I knew financial compatibility was important to me in a partner.

Your ex sounds like a classic frugal/investor/early retirement type (like me and my FI), and you’re just not into that. And that’s ok! You have different priorities and goals. My Fiance and I love going to costco, bargain shopping, saving money, DIYing. We also plan to buy and older home and totally renovate it, but we don’t mind living out of suitcases with a lot of mess for a while if it means a big payoff! You’re already a little fed up with the living situation, the old house, the discomfort, etc. I’m guessing if you want to buy a new car you guys would fight because he’d want you to get a 10 year old diesel engine car with a dent in the side (extra discount!), he’d think luxury brands were a waste of money and that brewing your own beer and camping would be more fun than going abroad.  

People are quick to dismiss it but money is a MAJOR factor in arguments, conflict, and even divorce. The way we spend our money, largely, determines the style of our lives. What we do, where we do it, our life plans, etc. Your way isn’t “bad” or “wrong”, but it is drastically different than your exes. I think you made the right decision on that basis. 

Post # 80
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I think you moving out was the best decision given the circumstances. You also shouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of groveling, it seems that he wants to hold all of the cards. If people refused to get married because of student loan debt, a lot more people would be unmarried, including me and all of my friends lol! Student loan debt is something that typically takes several years to pay off and depending on the level of education and cost of attendance, they may never get paid off! I know several people who went to law or medical school and the debt is pretty massive. They may never completely pay them off, but they’re managing their payments, and it’s not a relationship factor. 

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