(Closed) moving out – how to tell him?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

maxfluffy:  Wait wait wait… You haven’t had sex in 3 years?! WHAT?! 

Post # 3
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

Have you thought about getting a roommate?  And as far as telling him, just remind him that it was his decision not to go with you. Stand your ground! One of the best things you could do for yourself is to get away from this toxic relationship. 

Post # 4
Member
1407 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

When you are attached to someone and have been with him for years, breaking it off is a huge and difficult step. It is going to hurt. There is no way around that. But the sooner you do something to change your life, the better off you will be.  In your heart, you know this is not going to work. You just want it to work, so you have been pretending that maybe it can.

Do you have a therapist? If not, maybe you could get one who could help you get the strength to do what you need to do.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Omaha, NE

I’m sorry, but you’ve been engaged for 4 years and haven’t had sex in 3?!?! Move out dump him and his insane family!

Post # 7
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

ElephantAndTheFlea:  +1

personally I would have never moved in to a situation like that to begin with, his whole family living with him.

Post # 8
Member
1300 posts
Bumble bee

This sounds like an awful situation to be in. Between the assault, no sex AND his family being his number 1 priority I don’t see how you can live there another minute. Breaking up is scary and painful. The prospect of being alone is terrifying but you sound miserable. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?  How is it that at 34 and 46 you’ve spent 4 years engaged and haven’t married and formed your own household? I’m sorry to say that this relationship looks like a dead end and it would be in your best interest to move on.

Post # 9
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee

 

This isn’t a relationship. It’s something super dysfunction.

Girl, grow a backbone. Why are you settling for less than you deserve?

As for your question, pack your bags and tell him that you’re done.

He doesn’t care about you… he’s shown that by not moving out of an incredibly unhealthy living situation, by not putting your needs first, by not treating you like a fiancé (at all!!!).

This is not normal, it’s not healthy. Frankly, it sounds like he’s just using you, i’m assuming for money.

You deserve a real partner, you deserve to live in a calm environment that is a do-able distance to work, you deserve to be SAFE in your living space and you deserve intimacy.

Post # 10
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee

This man is willing to do nothing for you. He never will. Don’t just move out. Break off this relationship completely, go no contact, and go build your self esteem. I highly recommend that you see a therapist as part of that process. There is something in you that makes you go back for more abuse from this man and his family.

Post # 11
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Okay, does the nephew still live in that house with you?? If so, I just cannot believe that your Fiance is okay with your nephew still living with you when he PUNCHED you. If ANYONE punched me, for any reason, no matter who it was, my Fiance would take my side and would do anything so I didn’t have to associate with that person anymore. I really need more information from you on this incident because you kind of just breeze over it, but it is a really big deal to me!

Also, you haven’t had sex in 3 years?? What reason does your Fiance give for not wanting to have sex? Barring religious reasons (wanting to wait to have sex until marriage), I do not understand this. Are you okay with just never having sex again? If you have no intimacy, are you lovers or just friends?

Your job is an hour and 20 minutes away, your living in a house full of his family (who may include someone who PUNCHED you), and you’re miserable, yet your Fiance is unwilling to compromise by moving out? He does not sound like a man who is considerate of you, respectful of you, or a man ready to commit to you.

I understand that it is hard to be alone. But if you’re miserable as you are now, is it worth it just so that you have someone there at night? You may be scared and alone without him, but that will get better, and eventually you will find someone who is on your side and who does everything he can to make you happy. You deserve that. If your Fiance can’t give you that, it is time to move on.

Either way, it is beyond time to move out of that house. He will either move out with you (in which case I strongly recommend premarital counseling), or he won’t and you can learn how to be by yourself and find someone else.

Post # 12
Member
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I don’t understand what you are getting out of this, or why you ever moved into this situation not only once, but twice. It sounds like you are living in an awkward roommate situation. No sex, no interest by him in making any changes to improve the living situation, or to make any changes for you.

Super curious what HE did when his nephew punched you. 

I am guessing you must help pay some of his expenses, because it sure does not sound like he is that interested in actually being your partner in life.

Honestly, just tell him. I doubt he will blink an eye.

You know who else will watch TV with you at night? A goldfish.

Post # 13
Member
2014 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

There is so much wrong with this. Dump him. Move out. Never speak to him again. It’s better to be alone thne in this hell. 

Post # 14
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee

maxfluffy:  btw, his family isn’t tearing you apart. He is a grown man who makes his own decisions. He has made his – actions speak louter than words. Why aren’t you listening?

Post # 15
Member
1255 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - The Venue, Barkisland, UK

I’m sorry this doesn’t sound like a healthy happy relationship to me.

You sound like friends and you can be friends from a distance. If you were in what I personally would class as a romantic relationship, I’d expect him to be looking at how you can make this work and whether there is a compromise around one of you moving. It doesn’t sound like he’s willing to do that, sorry bee 🙁

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