(Closed) moving out – how to tell him?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
9735 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Girl, you need a roommate, not a fiance.

If your main hang up is you don’t want to be alone, find a roommate because thats basically all you have now.

Post # 17
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

This doesn’t sound like a relationship even. Break off the engagement, leave this guy, find someone better that respects and loves you and where you are happy and not physically abused.

Post # 18
Member
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This sounds like a pretty lame relationship, all in all. A dog or cat would be a better partner than the man you picked. You’re just afraid being on your own and what he will say when you inform him you’re moving. Time to get over your fears, this man is holding you back, big time, and I can only conclude that you’re with him out of desperation. You can do better.

Post # 19
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Your post gave me the heebie jeebies, the whole thing is just awful. 

Take the job, the apartment, find a roommate and get a dog. 

Post # 20
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

what the actual fuck.

you haven’t had sex in 3 years? my rule of thumb is If I haven’t had sex in a MONTH, we sit down and talk about why.

3 years, that’s not a realationship, that’s a friendship, or you’re his beard.

You can find someone else to watch tv with. someone who won’t subject you to a crazy family, somone who probably isn’t using you for money or to cover up their homosexuality (which would be MY guess with your “FI”) Someone who puts you first, someone who wants you physically.

You say you have drive, but your post reads like someone who is afraid to do something wonderful for themselves. DO SOMETHING AND GET OUT OF THERE!

as for telling him, no fanfare required. Pack everything up and put it in your car, tell him it’s not working and you’re sorry but you can’t live like this anymore, you need to find someone that fulfills you and doesn’t subject you to nonsense. then drive away.

Post # 21
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is beyond fucked up. No sex in 3 years? Violence? No one works but you? 

Come on.

Post # 23
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I won’t repeat everything everyone else has said, because they summed it up pretty much, and even though I am BIG on saying sex doesn’t make a relationship… 3 years is a LOT. I mean, if privacy is an issue, you can’t go somehwere for a weekend alone? 

So you went back to your country for a year, but then came back… and he didn’t change anything? That to me is HUGE. 

Question…. you mentioned that since this is a foreign country to you and he is everything, do you ENJOY being here, regardless of him? As in, if it weren’t for him, would you even want to be here? If that answer is no, I suggest you think about going back (do you have family there?) and really thinking this over. 

Since you have a new job, a well paying job it seems, I’d just say “I need to live closer to work. I understand you want to live with your family, but I have to do this for me”. If he’s not willing to compromise, then it is time to do some walking. And I don’t say that lightly, because I know its hard. But it is very important. VERY VERY important. 

Post # 24
Member
366 posts
Helper bee

you’re 34, hes 46, he lives with his ENTIRE family, his nephew punched you, youre engaged for 4 years and not having sex for 3 of it….why are you in this relationship? not to be mean, but this sounds like an awful situation to be in. 

Post # 25
Member
3736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m sorry but you threw me for a loop when you said he’s like your father and friend all rolled into one. That’s disturbing. Move out and end this relationship. Don’t you want to be part of a relationship where you’re wanted and needed? Everyone deserves that. You say your favorite part of the relationship is coming home and watching tv. Sorry but you can watch tv with a pet. You’re only in this “relationship” because you’re scared to be alone and that’s not healthy. You have to put yourself out there to meet other people. Your situation sounds like a nightmare. 

Post # 26
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

Uh….you refer to your Fiance as being like a father to you. That is disturbing on so many levels.

Post # 28
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

Like you said you are scared of being alone I get it but get a dog! You need this more than you realize right now, but I feel like you know you need this you said it. You have gotten used to being mistreated and the dysfunction, but now it is time to end the cycle your not getting any younger and it’s time to be a strong independent woman and get your shit together. YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN! All you need is yourself I know living alone can be scary, but it will make you a stronger person and when the time is right you will find a man that deserves an amazing woman like you. Cut this piece of shit off FOR GOOD!

Post # 29
Member
821 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

maxfluffy:  Please read the following sentence a few times and really try to let it sink in. 

A happy, healthy relationship is not supposed to look like this.

Move out, make new friends, try new things, be fearless, build yourself a life that is rewarding to you. Right now, both you and your SO are afraid to change the status quo because you are comfortable and you are letting all your fears keep you in an unhealthy, dysfunctional situation.

Post # 30
Member
2171 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This doesn’t sound desirable, at all. I would just tell him you’re moving out for new opportunities and quite frankly I’d just be done with the relationship too. No intimacy for 3 years?? That’s not normal in my opinion and this man sounds more like a friend/roommate than a partner. 

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