(Closed) Moving past DH having feelings for another woman

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t have any advice, other than I’m sorry you never would have found out about this because he would have kept hiding it. That sort of dishonesty needs to be worked out with a professional. Clearly bringing cheating into a marriage on both your parts is not the best way to start off so it’s probably going to take a lot of work from both of you to figure out why this seems to be a theme in the relationship.

Post # 5
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Have to agree with @KatyElle: in that you would not have found out with him just being honest.And dishonesty like that isn’t something that can just be forgiven most of the time. I wouldn’t have any advice other than counseling.   

Post # 6
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KatyElle:  I agree.

It sounds like neither of you are happy if you have both been unfaithful.  I think counseling is the next step.  You need to understand each other. I don’t think you are ever going to get past this on your own.

Post # 7
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Do you have an older, married couple that you are close with who have a strong marriage? If so, I feel it would be helpful to sit down with them to get things out in the open, talk about feelings/motives/what went wrong and get solid advice to work through this…it will take time but if you are both committed, you can work thru it

Post # 9
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You’re welcome…I just know that when Fiance and I were having problems, we talked to an older couple from our church

Post # 10
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe you need to find another therapist? I don’t know what else to say and I didn’t want to read without replying. If you can’t get past it with a professional’s help, I don’t know what else would work. For me personally, I would never be able to move on. That’s me though and it may not be the answer for you or anyone else.

Post # 11
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I really have no advice.  I just wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this especailly after such a hard loss.  (hugs) I sincerely with you the best.

Post # 12
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I have no advice, I didn’t cheat but my ex husband did and I divorced him. So I’m sorry you’re going through this :-/

 

Post # 13
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’ve never shared this on the bee but I know both of my parents have at one point in their marriage been unfaithful. They’ve hated each other and come full circle and have been able to forgive and move on. My parents have been married 30 years and I admire them, they have went through so much and I can remember them being unhappy at certain times but they have pushed passed and have been able to forgive each other. They are very happy and in love now and enjoy their lives together and have have 4 grandchildren they adore. I think if you really love someone you CAN get past things but it is going to be VERY painful at first but remember time heals all wounds. Sorry you are going through this I really hope you guys can work through this because you sound like that is what you really want to do.

Post # 14
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Livinginthepast:  Nobody can really help you get over it. It takes time and a lot of patience with yourself and your spouse. I’ve been on both ends, admittedly, and I have found the hurt much more painful when both partners were cheating. I couldn’t get over it. After a year of trying, I couldn’t make myself forget what it was like to be with someone else and, more so, what he did to me on his own. 

And I know that you dont want the therapy advice, but a good therapist should be able to help. Personally, I think couple’s counseling should be “last resort” and if I was in your position, having laid it all out there and gone through counseling and still not seeing results… I’d say there’s an end of the line coming. 

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