(Closed) Moving problems…advice please-Long post

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
858 posts
Busy bee

to be honest he comes off kind of selfish in your post. Its ok for you to have to drive an hour to and from work everyday but he cant add 20 minutes to his commute to make your life a little easier? If he really wont do it then you should get your own place if that is what will make your life easier. He might find out that only being together on the weekends isnt enough for him and suck it up and move in with you. I hope he comes around and it works out for you 🙂

Post # 4
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

you are not being unreasonable but to be honest i also see his side of things (because im spoilt by my work commute), why would he want to move to inconvenience himself when its going to cost him more money and time to travel to and from work

i guess for now you focus on paying off the loans and then i think you should look for something closer to work – they say absence makes the heart grow fonder so hopefully you will find a compromise

Post # 5
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Truthfully, he needs to suck it up. When Fiance and I moved the two times that we have moved together, we picked an area that would give us equal commutes. Yea, ok it’s great to walk 15 minutes to work everyday, but part of being in a relationship is giving and taking and making the other person’s life easier and better. Boo hoo for him, he would have to drive 20 minutes everyday. In the end, you would be happier because you have a less stressful commute AND he would get to see you everyday! Either he is looking for an excuse or he is just being lazy and really…could you imagine a life with someone who doesn’t at least TRY to make things easier for you? Relationships are about being a team. Don’t cave. He needs to learn to give a little.

Post # 6
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@masqueradestars: Relationships are about compromise and if he’s not willing to do it now, then he won’t be willing to do it in the future. Get your own place and then he can figure it out down the line what he wants. You gave him his chance. I would make him commute to my apt though at night to see me. Either way he’ll have to give.

Post # 7
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

He should move. He may or may not have that job for a long time. He can’t really choose that. But he CAN choose to may or may not see you everyday and/or have you in his life.

My commute is similar to yours so I know the feeling. My Fiance is closer to his work. Only takes him 20 mins drive as opposed to my 1 hr plus! But it is my decision not to move. ANY closer and the homes go up in prices like ‘effin’ crazy. And I don’t wanna move just 5-10 mins closer. I wanna move AT LEAST 20 mins or more closer.

Post # 8
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

1. Can you take public transportation to work?

2. Is there any midpoint that would give you both a similar commute by public transportation?

3. What are prices like in the various neighborhoods you’re considering? Crime? Amenities?

4. Is there any disparity in hours at work? (Does one of you work part time and the other full, does one of you work 40 or 45 hours and the other 60?)

5. Are either of you in jobs with irregular hours or that require being on call for emergencies?

6. Are you considering renting or buying?

7. Is either of you dissatisfied with your current job/considering leaving within the next 24 months? (if possible, and for reasons other than location/commute)


I think living in a place where at least one of you can commute without a car is awesome, because it means you can be a one car household, which can make a big difference when you factor repairs/payment/insurance/parking/fuel into the equation. But it also means one of you will likely have a worse commute than the other.


Post # 9
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I don’t think you should move in with him.  I think you should get your own place closer to work and then I would make him come to you or at least take turns and defintely don’t give in and go to him if he whines about coming to see you. 

Probably not everyone feels this way but I don’t think I would move in with someone unless it was more serious (I wouldn’t want to have the mess that would go with breaking up with someone you live with).  And the fact that he would miss you at first but get over it sounds like the relationship is more just convenience for him and not taking you into consideration.  I’m not there or know the whole story obviously so I could be mistaken I know. 

Other things to take into consideration.  Darling Husband and I are about to move from my 20 minute commute and his 45 min both driving to him having a 15 min walking commute and me having a 45 min bus commute.  But this is smarter for us in that we will cut down on gas significantly and also, his job is permanent and he takes call at the hospital whereas mine is not.  If mine were more permanent then we would find a middle ground. 

Post # 10
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m in the same situation as you, Talishazwi.  My commute is about an hour and fifteen minutes each way, which sucks! My husband’s commute is only 20 minutes. However, his job is something that he could retire from (and pays twice what I make) and my job is horrible anyway, so I’m hoping to not be there much longer. If my job were more permanent, we would have moved closer to a halfway point for each of us.

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