(Closed) Moving right after the wedding: can we avoid double-shipping?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Ouch! I have a bride in the same situation. I believe that she has opted to have a checking acct opened and will have members of the bridal parties mention that she wants cash only deposited into the acct.  I think that guests who know you’re moving will understand the need to have a monetary gift versus a tangible one.  Good luck!

Post # 4
374 posts
Helper bee

This is a hard one!   I don’t know how comfortable I am with asking people to deposit money in checking account or how that will be perceived by your guests.  What you can do is to spread the news to both families and they can spread it within and among their family and friends.  Your bridal party is already covered and they know the drill to suggest monetary gifts.

You may also want your family and friends to spread the word that you’re not having a shower because you don’t know where you will living and you don’t want to have to store things in one state while living in another because you don’t know where you will end up.  People may wonder if there was one and they didn’t get invited. 

Perhaps you could make up a wedding website and post a cute little “AT HOME: address unknown” card along with the wedding website address with the invitation, response card, directions, etc.

On the website, tell how you met, what’s up in your lives, and where you will honeymoon.  Give details about the area, the hotel, sites to see while in town for the wedding.  If there is no honeymoon because of the move, state as such.

Make it clear that you will be moving and presently you do not know if you will be living in the South or in the East.

Share a little about both programs and until you hear, you are up in the air about whether — and say it like you said it — you will move to a small Manhattan apartment in NYC or a spacious home in Texas with a back yard.

Register for gift cards.  People will go to the registry and there is a space which reads:  Gift cards welcome.  You don’t need to register for anything.  Your registry will be blank except for the Gift Card line at the bottom.  People will go looking for stuff and they’ll see only the Gift Card with nothing else checked off, so you need to explain “Gift cards welcome due to the uncertainty of our next location.” Or something like that.  Some people will say, “Forget it.  I’ll just give a check.”  Others will say, “I’ll give a gift card.”  And, others will wait to find out where you are moving and send gifts after the wedding when you know what you’re doing and where you’re going.

We registered for honeymoon tours [our travel agent agreed to give us 100% of all the gifts we received for the honeymoon and did not take a % fee because she was making money from the commission of the tour sales…not every place will do that and most take a % of the cash/credit card gifts as a service fee.  Shop around for an agent..in this economy people are happy for the business]; bed and breakfasts [there are some B & B’s which have a voucher that is good in any B & B which honors these.  There’s a big list.  You can cash them in on your trip west or east.

With the travel agent she can also post air plane tickets to go home for special occasions, religious observances, family milestones.  People can buy a whole ticket or a portion of a ticket.

Actually, our travel agent posted a lot of different things [we made up the list] people could check off that they wanted to give us [his/her massages, swim w/the dolphins, etc.]  but she said she wouldn’t hold us to anything except we had to spend all the money she collected and she couldn’t give us refunds.  Here again you need to be very specific w/your thank you notes.  “Thank you for the $50.00 you gave us toward our admission for swimming with the dolphins on our honeymoon.”  That way they know you received the full amount of your gift.  If you are vague, after the fact, people will be calling the folks or you for clarity.

There are somethings which you know you will use, such as tools, computer equipment, TV cable and cmputer systems [wouldn’t it be great not to have to pay the cable bill?] and suitcases.  Check with the moving company [you have to go somewhere] and ask if people call or send a check if they can set up an account for you….It’s hard times, they may just agree to do it.  You really need to register for somethings, so dig in your heals and be creative.  Post this information on your website where you are registered …for example, “Happy Trail Tours” or “Movers and Shakers”, Macy’s, Sears, etc.  And word of mouth is the best, as some people won’t ever read the website even if you send them a link w/the invitations!

On the other hand, your bridal party could send out an additional letter to all your guests and explain your moving situation and lugging stuff back and forth and that they are collecting money to buy you a bedroom set, or a new car, or collecting money to present you with a mortgage payment check at the wedding reception along with a card listing everyone’s names.   When you write your thank you note you should say, “Thank you for your $150.00 wedding gift which was put toward our surprise mortgage payment gift of $10,000.00. ”  That way the money request is coming from your bridal party and not you and he directly.  And you are being clear in your thank you note acknowledging exactly how much money they gave and how much was collected totally.

I guess if the bridal party is doing this, you could set up a Mr. and Mrs. ABC bank account; but the problem is if there is no Mr. and Mrs. ABC you can’t open an accounnt because before the wedding Mr. and Mrs. ABC don’t exist as such and someone can’t open an account in your names.  So there is a catch 22 here.

If they collect money for a mortgage, the card shoud not list amounts, but each donors name should be clearly printed on the card so people can come by and check to see their names are on it.  And they will.  In order for people to feel comfortable with this concept, it has to be very transparent and above board.  Personally, I’d be fearful someone would cash my check and run.  Stranger things have happened at weddings and birthday parties to cash boxes, let alone sending money to a 3rd party for a joint gift.

If you think people will feel weird giving money in someone else’s name to cash, as do I, the bridal party can recommend that checks be made out to Mr. and Mrs. ABC and mailed to them and they will present a total amount collected along with all the indivudal checks at the wedding reception.  This is probably the most transparent and safest route; but you have to have willing bridal party.

In my opinion, I don’t think there is a person out there who wouldn’t want to help out a new couple with a mortgage payment or down payment for a new house!

I think it won’t sit well with people if you open an account.  But that’s only my opinion.  Letus know what you finally decide.



Post # 5
1232 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

We’re moving from california to virginia one month after the wedding so we’re worried about this too! We didn’t want to seem rude by asking for money so we just made a very small registry of things we KNOW we need and we’re just trying to spread by word of mouth that we’re moving soon after so we would love gift cards/cash so we’re able to stock up/decorate our new home!

Post # 6
216 posts
Helper bee

We are also in the same position. We may either stay in the US or go abroad. So we are not registering at all…problem solved.

Post # 7
27 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

 Same here. Although were are currently living abroad and are marrying and moving back to Cali. I haven’t figured out WHAT to do about the whole registry thing so I’m actually in the same boat and can’t offer any solutions 😉 I might just stalk this thread until you come up with your answer! 🙂

Post # 8
2889 posts
Sugar bee

We’re currently living abroad so we didn’t register. I had a shower over the holidays and my Maid/Matron of Honor worte something on the invitation along the lines of due to their jet setting lifestyle the couple would prefer monitary gifts (my mom thought it was a bit straight forward). I don’t think we need to further address the issue. We deposited the cash from the shower into a bank account earmarked for house stuff when we finally settle down and plan to add any wedding gifts to our small account. I guess it depends how large your wedding is but in reality, most of our guests know we are not local and it does not make sense to gift us housewares. Spread the word about your move and let people know you would appricaite gift cards for future nesting!

Post # 9
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

We’re in a similar situation, and we just registered like normal and are storing things here (in NJ). My shower was in NE, and I ended up shipping a few things back. I’ll probably do that again for my next shower, and for the wedding. Some of the larger things I was lucky enough to be able to leave at my parents, but most of the things we’re just collecting here and will put in storage when we move to France in the fall. I figure we’ll want them eventually and, though it’s a pain now, it’s easier on our guests (we’re from very traditional families)

Post # 10
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ugh, we’re dealing with this too! Honestly, I think we’re just going to suck it up and move everything. We’re moving to either Atlanta, Boston, or… wherever Yale is for Mr. KMs schooling but there’s no way to say “Hey, give us money!” that I’m comfortable with.

Post # 11
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think there is an option to hold until later.  We moved right after the wedding so the majority of things, we didn’t unpack at all.  Also, got mostly money which is easy to move across the country!  We didn’t really ask for it but we didn’t register for a lot and our families knew we were moving and we had a lot of stuff for our house already.  Good luck!

Post # 12
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d put the word out that I’d prefer money, but also register for a few things at Bed Bath and Beyond, since they have an easy return policy. You can return and rebuy after you move (instead of moving extra stuff), or just return if you end up moving to a closet sized apartment.

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