(Closed) Moving to a new city and completely devastated…. :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
250 posts
Helper bee

Hi, just  writing to send you some words of encouragement.  I was in your exact same situation 4 years ago.  I also grew up in Southern CA from 12 until after grad school.  When I graduated in 2010 the economy was terrible and I could not find a job, and eventually got a job offer in North Carolina.  I was also very sad to be leaving everyone I cared about behind including my family, and was divorcing, so would be living on my own for the very first time.

It was hard at first, but actually turned out to be quite an adventure.  Don’t get me wrong, I miss SoCal everyday, and my BFF, but I got to experience a completely different lifestyle and fell in love with someone on the East Coast.  I know you are sad, but it will get easier.  My recommendation is to join meetup.com when you move.  I made some really great friends from that website.  All the best!

Post # 3
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian

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Anony4326:  It’s definitely scary but it sounds like it will be SO good for you. I actually moved cross-country for a job as well TO SoCal when I was 24 and I didn’t know anyone here. I moved in with someone so I at least had one person built in that I could at least talk to. You will make friends at work. What really helped me was joining an online community, like Meet-Up. Join a sports/Rec league for something that interests you or volunteer somewhere. You will learn a lot more about yourself by doing this. I know it’s scary, but it will be so worth it. And honestly? If you HATE it, stick it out a year at the job, gain some experience and look for a job in SoCal. Or somewhere else if you want to. You’re young and have a great future ahead of you. Enjoy it and good luck!

Post # 4
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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Anony4326:  I lived in So Cal for 8 years and now currently live in Dallas.  Once you get used to the little bit of culture shock, you’ll love it!

Post # 5
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

I’ve moved several times without knowing a soul so I feel your pain and anxiety!  I agree with PP about meet up groups. I found facebook groups for my favorite sports teams, alumni groups, trivia nights, dog lover groups, Etc.

You could volunteer somewhere too or join a Club. I joined a group called Toastmasters which works on public speaking and made great friends and benefitted professionally as well. 

Each time I’ve moved I’ve thought of it as a chance for a fresh start. No one had preconceived notions about me, people didn’t know any of my past, and spent some time doing things that I really wanted to do. I would learn my way around the city, treat myself to a spa day, take long walks, and even have some alone time too. 


Post # 6
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry that you are feeling sad and apprehensive, but this is a good thing for you. You don’t seem like the kind of person that likes change if you are still living with your ex fiance and are feeling sad about cutting that cord.

Your friends will still be your friends. They aren’t going anywhere and you can still see them and keep in touch with them.

This about you starting the next stage in your life. You will meet new people at work and also just by circumstance. If you are open to the possibilities and embracing your new life, this will happen much sooner than you think possible.

Try to think of all of the positives of this move and while it is scary, its going to end up being a good thing. If you really miss home, then once you are established it may be easier for you to find work back in So Cali and you can always move back.

Post # 7
8516 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh man I would love to move to Dallas.

Love, TheGrid”frustratedwithCAcostofliving”Monster


But in all seriousness, OP, I’ve moved around (and abroad) several times and each time, it’s been scary, but I find that you adjust quickly with the right attitude. Focus on the positives rather than on what you’re “leaving behind” and know that you can always go back.

Post # 8
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Congratulations on the job! Moving to Dallas sounds exciting! SoCal is nice, but it’s good to see new places too. It will be a great opportunity to expand your social network and explore a new area. You’ll meet new people at work, in your neighborhood, and lots of other ways. I’ve moved several times for school and work, and it’s always a sentimental but exciting time making the transition. 

Post # 9
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think this will be a phenomenal opportunity for you!  Get that experience in, and if you want to come back eventually you can.  Good luck!

Post # 10
30393 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Anony4326:  When I was married to my ex, he was transferred every year on Feb 1. The first lesson I learned is that there are nice people everywhere! You will meet them. You will have wonderful experiences to add to your life history.

The way to meet people and make friends is to take the initiative. Don’t wait for friends to come to you. Join a meetup group. Ask people to go for coffee or a drink. Join a church if you are so inclined.

This time next year you will have a new job, a new home, and new friends and experiences!

Post # 11
321 posts
Helper bee

I did the EXACT same thing as you, even down to the city. I moved from South Carolina (originally from Boston) to Dallas, TX without knowing a soul. It’s tough, and a lot of my “friends” are my  boyfriend’s friends so I’m not sure what I’d be left with if we break up, but its a really brave thing that you’re doing and now truly is the time to step outside of your comfort zone and see what you’re capable of. I’ve fallen in love with the city of Dallas and it truly feels like home now. I’m still working to make new friends, but I don’t regret my choice at all. Shoot me a PM if you want to chat about cool places, fun neighborhoods, etc.! 

Post # 12
10192 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

We’re trying to make the same move in the opposite direction.  We’re in SoCal, trying to get Dh transferred to Dallas.  Your cost of living will go down considerably–TX has no state income tax, just for starters.  The price of just about everything is lower.

Of course it’s scary to pull up stakes & leave your friends behind but that will pass in time.  I think meet up is a great idea.  And you can stay in touch with your friends.

Congrats on the new job!  We’re on pins & needles about Dh’s transfer.

Post # 13
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Say it with me. No. More. 405. 


That right there is a small silver lining 😉 

Post # 14
1934 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a firm believer that things happen in our lives for a reason, and we find ourselves where we should be even if it seems scary and unknown to us at first. We moved a few times when I was younger and being super shy, it was really hard having to make new friends all the time, so I know what it’s like to uproot like that. Eventually we settled in Houston for good, where I spent most of my life. Then I found myself in a similar situation as you where I was planning on moving to San Antonio. But that teaching job fell through and I ended up having to move to Austin, where I’d only been once as a kid. I knew no one here. Basically pulled stakes and came out here not knowing a soul or anything about the area. Turned out to be the best decision of my life– have a job I adore, met my husband here, and love, love Austin so much (though Dallas is pretty cool, too 😉 My sister pulled stakes and moved there many years ago and never looked back). So, one–welcome to Texas!; two; fresh starts can be just what you need even, no matter how scary; and three; remember that nothing is ever permanent. If it doesn’t work out, you always have options. 

Best of luck to you–I think you’ll love it!

Post # 15
1934 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
TheGridMonster:  You totally need to move down here so we can hang out, yo. 

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