(Closed) Moving to have kids? Help!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think all your points are very valid in the way you have listed them – maybe just try saying it the way you just put it there.  it is unfair for you to have make a big sacrifice so his kids can have an identical childhood to him – which, let’s face, won’t happen anyway. Life is different, things have changed and while it’s great he’s got so many fond memories, his kids can have equally fond memories in another place. Especially if they have a mom who is happy!  that is way more important to a kid’s upbringing than living in one specific town.

Has he even tried to envision raising a family somewhere else? because it’s actually not that hard to do!  My guy often says ‘but this is just what I had in mind’ because he really can’t think of another way of doing things until he actually sees it.  maybe try visits out to potential towns where you could raise a family could set his mind at ease to see that it IS possible to live somewhere else and still give your kids a happy childhood.

it’s a shame you two didn’t discuss this more earlier, it sounds like he made his point and because you never brought it up again he assumed you agreed, and because he never mentioned it you assumed he’d changed his mind.  My man and I are having a lot of these conversations lately so i totally understand…. but it’s good it’s coming up now anyway.

Post # 5
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@noodle4hd: oh, that does sound pretty black and white in his mind, doesn’t it!  i think though, that surely his dream is to have a happy family.  That should be more important to him than living in a certain place.  and living in a certain place does NOT guarantee happiness – nothing does. However, having a happy wife and both sets of grandparents involved as much as possible seems to me to be a much more likely way of ensuring the entire family is happy.  I think (this may be a bit mean so see what you think) that you should start suggesting to move 5 mins away from YOUR parents, and 4 hours away from his parents, and then see how he feels about living in the middle!  I bet he’d like the idea a lot more then – and would appreciate how you are both compromising 🙂

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