(Closed) Moving to new city after wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Hostess
4629 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

What if your work doesn’t allow you to telecommute? Are you able to build your career where he wants to live? If you can’t telework and your type of work is not available in Ohio, then I would say he should give up the dream job and take a job where you live since you say he has job options where you currently live. Does he have friends, family, or a network where he wants to move in Ohio?

I’m probably biased because I would personally rather live in NC than OH, but it sounds to me like he’s asking you to give up a lot for this job and I would hope he would pursue jobs where you currently live as well to try and avoid both of you moving. His real dream job may actually be at a company by you, who knows!

Post # 4
Hostess
4629 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I understand that; my Fiance is very similar. We were in a similar situation except my field is very niche and the opportunities are almost entirely where I currently live, so he ended up moving to my city. I wonder if the jobs he’s finding in NC are really less perfect than the “dream job” or if he’s just worked this job up in his mind as being beyond compare. Do you think he’d be able to get the “dream job” a year from now since he interned there? I feel like it could be a good compromise to have him try to get a similar job by you and agree that if he hates it after x amount of time, you’ll move to OH if he can still get that job. There’s definitely no right or wrong answer – it’s a tough situation.

Post # 5
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Personally, if your DH is so jazzed about this job and it is his dream job, I’d make the move. You’re not committing to 10 years there, and it sounds like it could be a great opportunity for him. Especailly if you’re able to telecommute. If your work doesn’t allow for it, are there other work opportunities for you there? If you decide to not relocate, will he silently regret not taking that job? You can always move back to the NC area once he’s gained experience and can find another position.

We relocated a month after our wedding (and DH’s phd graduation) to a city about 2 hrs from where we were living for DH’s job. At the time, I was of the mindset that he had invested so much into his graduate degree that I was willing to sacrafice so he can pursue his career. Luckily I as able to transfer to a different office, but turns out I was only there one more year before taking a new job. We’ve made friends and are embracing the new area!

Post # 6
Member
773 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
psyrek:  Obvs, the best solution is one where you guys sit down and discuss and whoever gives in is able to do so with no regrets.

But, since that ideal situation rarely happens, go where (as a couple) you will make the most $$. Ask your boss if you can telecommute, if so, then his income in Ohio + your income in Ohio will probably trump other options. But if you would lose your job by moving there, then whose income alone is large enough to support the other person during a job hunt? If you are being paid more in NC than he will get in Ohio, he should come to you. Or vice versa. Make a logical financial decision instead of an emotional one so there are no hurt feelings.

Post # 7
Member
10516 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We will (most likely) be moving to a new state after our wedding in August for Fiance to go to graduate school. I’ll be leaving a job I really like and the city we both love but the PhD program he was accepted to is very highly ranked and an amazing oppertunity. We wouldn’t want to live in the new state/city forever but we are committing to 5 – 6 years there but again it’s worth it to us because of all the doors this oppertunity will open up for him in the future.

What’s going to be better for the both of you in the long run? Will the Ohio job be better financially? Will it open the door for even better oppertunties in the future? How important is location to you? Would you be willing to financially support him until he finds a job he wants in your city?

Post # 9
Member
10516 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
psyrek:  There’s a lot of “I” in your post. What about your FI? Will it be better for him financially? Will it open up oppertuntites for him in the future? This decision can’t just be about you.

Have you discussed what better opportunities there will be for him your area with him?

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