Post # 1
Future Mother-In-Law is not doing very well. She went from working a full time job to barely being able to walk in a matter of weeks and no one really knows why her health is deteriorating so badly. Future Mother-In-Law is a saint and I know how much she wants to be a part of our wedding.
She deserves something happy in all of the mess that has been going on with some other, very nasty, very trying, situations with other family memeber.
We originally wanted to wait until I graduate college in a year and a half, but at the rate she is going, we don’t know that she’ll be around much less able to attend.
FH and I have been talking about what we would do in the event that Future Mother-In-Law takes another fast downward turn and we’ve both agreed that we would try to have a wedding that she could attend comfortably if we were at a point where we could do that.
I guess I’m looking for some other points of view or advice, because I have no idea what to do and FH doesn’t know either.
Post # 3
I think pushing up the date for her is good for her and for your future husband.
Post # 4
@mwitter80: That’s what I’m leaning to, but I think FH is a little more cautious. True, neither of us know that she WILL get worse, she might take a complete turn, but from what she says (she’s been a nurse for 27 years) she doesn’t seem hopeful. I think FH is more worried about my parents and what they will think or about money, but money isn’t the issue here. I can easily modify my wedding plans.
I also feel that he hasn’t quite grasped just how bad she is. She’s been trying to play it off like it’s no big deal, but she was walking two weeks ago, now she’s in a wheelchair and she has a hard time breathing.
Post # 5
I definitely agree that you should move up the wedding date. As a bride who changed wedding locations for an ailing family member, I know that I was a lot happier knowing that my grandmother could be there on that day and it makes it so much more special. Have you booked any of your vendors as yet? You could try talking to them to see if they will let you change your date due to your circumstances.
Post # 6
It’s great you care enough to do that for her and your fiancÃ© as well. I think the pros of moving it up out way the cons mostly because it sounds like having her there would be more important than the reasons not to move it. I say good for you for having your prioritys in order.
Post # 7
@vibride: We haven’t booked anything yet. We don’t even really have a set date, which to me makes it a lot easier to change if we need to.
Post # 8
For a distant family member, maybe not. But this is your Fiance mom. Even if it is a cheapo dress off the rack in the preachers office or at the courthouse, I think it would be MOST important to me for her to be there. And still if you want have your big party later to celebrate with everyone else. Or if you can, move the whole big party up. But personally, Mother-In-Law is way more important to me than a dream wedding.
Post # 9
I would move it up if at all possible, and I wouldn’t be waiting for her to take a bad turn because you don’t know how bad it will turn out. She might not be able to attend if you wait that long.
Also it might not be that your Fiance hasn’t grasped how bad she is, he just might be in denial to protect himself from having to face the situation.
Post # 10
@Treeline: Those are my thoughts, but FH is being hopeful. Future Sister-In-Law told me that she doesn’t feel like she will make it through the year, but trying to talk to FH is difficult. He still feels like she might get better, but at the same time, he knows that she probably won’t. But he feels like his mom wouldn’t want us getting married just for her if we weren’t really ready financially.
Post # 11
Bumping to see what anyone else would do in this situation, and what OP ended up doing…
Post # 12
When the word “hospice” came into the conversation after my father’s heart failed, we planned a super impromptu wedding — not legal, but just a simple, religious ceremony, to be attend by immediate family only. I bought myself a short reception dress to wear for the ceremony, my fiance bought a suit. We planned the ceremony to be on a Sunday morning at a lakeside gazebo, followed by a champagne brunch at a seaside, upscale restaurant.
Unfortunately, my father passed away during the week before the event, so it never happened. I was so upset and disgusted with myself that I had waited until he got so bad, waited until he couldn’t even walk or eat. We had gotten the news a month before, that doctors couldn’t do anything else, but we were in total shock and denial and tried everything we could, anything doctors could try, before we actually set the date for the “faux wedding.” We didn’t believe he was as bad as he was. My selfish denial and indecisiveness made me lose the experience of my father giving me away.
If your Future Mother-In-Law is as bad as you say, and you foresee her getting worse, you need to get a plan in motion — it doesn’t have to be the big, fancy wedding, but you will hate yourself if she misses your wedding. Heck, it doesn’t have to be a “legal” marraige, just a ceremony that shows the commitment, even if it’s premature. Plan a simple, family ceremony, and keep your big wedding date. Or, move your date up if you a.) have your wedding already mostly planned and b.) you think she will be around long enough to make it there. She deserves to see her son get married, and you both will hate yourselves if you don’t accomodate that. I know I do, even though I try not to think about it.
I’m so sorry you have to make this decision; it sucks all around. Good luck.
Edit: Okay, so obviously this was forever ago — what happened?