(Closed) Mr. and Mrs. John Doe = standard addressing etiquette?

posted 8 years ago in Paper
  • poll: How did you address guests?
    Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe : (9 votes)
    31 %
    Mr. and Mrs. John Doe : (13 votes)
    45 %
    John and Jane Doe : (5 votes)
    17 %
    Other (please explain) : (2 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    If you are having a casual event, then “John and Jane Doe” works fine.  Otherwise, guests will expect their invites addressed to “Mr & Mrs…”  And definitely not “Mr and Mrs John and Jane Doe.” 

    Post # 4
    4001 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I just picked up my invitations so we haven’t even begun tackling this issue.  The STD’s were very informal but for some reason, the invitations take on a whole new personality.  I’d much rather do Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.  I don’t ever want to be referred to as Mrs. John Doe, its so archaic to me.

    Post # 5
    1465 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would be very weirded out by an envelope that says “Mr and Mrs John and Jane Doe”, as would most people we know, even the most modern liberals. If you feel that omitting the woman’s name is sexist (to each their own), then skip the titles altogether.

    For our guest list, we are addressing the married couples as “Mr & Mrs John Doe”.

    Post # 6
    306 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think the formal is Mr. & Mrs. John Doe, with the inner envelope saying their first names. If the last names are different then they each get a full name (ex: Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Smith) but, alas, is the way it’s done.

    Post # 7
    671 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    @ebs1123 – NOTE, I just learned from one of my bridal mags that if the husband and wife have different last names, her full name comes FIRST and she is not a “Mrs” but a “Ms” so it would be…

    Ms Jane Smith and Mr John Doe

    Post # 8
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    i just finished addressing my save the dates and have had this conversation with both my fmil and my mom over and over again 🙂 here’s my perspective, and what i’ve decided to do– personally, i hate the etiquette. i think it’s outdated and sexist, not to mention impersonal. my parents do not care one bit about it, and agree it’s stuffy and unnecessary. that said, my parents are academics that used to be hippies, and in general are very informal in their social circle, though they are incredibly professional. the guests on their side of the list won’t care at all–and we don’t really care if they do anyway. my fmil and ffil however, are lawyers, slightly older, and much, MUCH more formal. they feel VERY strongly about the etiquette. so, for my parents’ list and our friends, we’re writing “john and jane doe.” for the in-law’s side, we’re writing, “mr. and mrs. john doe.”

    Post # 9
    2207 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Totally late to this party, but I am doing Joe and Jane Doe (if they share a last name), darn the torpedos. The only exceptions are for my grandparents. Personally, I find Mr. and Mrs. Joe Doe to be among the MOST insulting “etiquette” concepts in the Anglo tradition. It is one of the only things I would actually call a friend out on and ask to never do again. Magenta Bridesmaid or Best Man dress with poofy sleaves that costs $200? I would bite my tongue. This? I’m making a phone call.

    Post # 10
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I agree with Monitajb.  I would find it incredibly offensive to be addressed as Mrs. John Doe.  I don’t care one bit that it’s traditional.  Lots of offensive things, like racism and sexism, are “traditional” but that doesn’t give people an excuse to behave that way today. Aesthetically, I would stick with John and Jane Doe though, because trying to throw both titles and both first names in looks awkward to me.  However if you are set on titles, then PLEASE just ignore the awkwardness and do “Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe” or “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe” or something. 

    Think about it this way: Many women WILL be offended if they are addressed as Mrs. John Doe.  I can’t imagine any woman who would be offended if you included her first name.

    Post # 11
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    I hate the Mr. and Mrs. Joe Doe.

    But! I do not think you can do Mr. and Mrs. Joe and Jane Doe.  You can do Mrs. Jane and Mr. Joe Doe and that’s mostly what I’m going to go with.  But Mrs. Joe will be a bit weird. 

    I feel like the tradition Mr. and Mrs. Joe Doe will offend more people than will be offended by not having it.  If that makes sense.  But I’m also going to decide this on an individual basis.

    Post # 12
    21 posts
    • Wedding: March 2011

    wow, i guess im the only one who cant wait to be mrs. john doe!

    Post # 13
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We are doing Mr. and Mrs John and Jane Doe.

    FH really cannot stand Mr. and Mrs. John Doe.  He thinks that it is not fair to women.

    Post # 14
    601 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

    I’m splitting it up a bit–for my much older, more traditional guests (like my grandparents, great-aunts and uncles, etc.) we’re going with Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. That is what they prefer and expect. Everyone my parents’ age and younger is going to be Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.

    I read in Mindy Weiss’s book that technically, the proper grammar is to say Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe, but I thought that also seemed odd and not the way I’ve seen it on most invitations I’ve gotten. And I also thought to myself, oh, who really cares? Who is going to be scrutinizing the address on my envelopes to check my wording choice anyway? Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe it is.

    Post # 15
    2562 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We are addressing as Mrs. Jane and Mr. John Doe … I think it is really important that married women don’t “lose” their name. I know some of the more traditional guests won’t like it … but they also won’t like our cocktail style reception, lack of a giant cake, bolero, fascinator, coloured shoes etc etc … 

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