(Closed) Mr and Mrs?

posted 6 years ago in Names
Post # 3
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Technically, you are Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName ….

But, for the grand entrance, what about just having them say:  introducing, for the first time as husband and wife:  HisFirstName + YourFirstName

Have you thought about not hyphenating and just keeping your maiden name?

That way you could be “The P M Family” 

Edit to add:  on our Christmas cards this year, I put “The HisLastName Family”  even though I know it’s going to confuse the heck out of people!  I consider it to be that way, even though I kept my maiden name (mostly because if we were to have kids, they wouuld get his last name instead of both of our last names).  Our return lables are:  MyFirstName MyLastName + HisFirstNme HisLastName

 

Post # 4
Member
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i agree with pp. 

“introducing, for the first time as husband and wife:  HisFirstName + YourFirstName”

Post # 5
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@oracle:  Technically, you are Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName ….

Um. What.

Post # 6
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@vorpalette:  I mean that from someone keeping their maiden name and marrying.  For ease of explaination – Let’s use John Smith and Jane Doe as names.  I thought I’d be:  Mrs. Jane Doe… but, I’m not.  I’m Mrs. John Smith and Ms. Jane Doe.

Post # 8
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@oracle:  Weird! Learn something new every day.

Post # 9
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@vorpalette:  Traditionally, if you use your maiden name after marriage you are not addressed as “Mrs”.

For instance, you can be Mrs. HisLastName or Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName, but you are actually Ms. YourLastName, and even Ms. YourFirstName HisLastName. Traditionally you are only a “Mrs.” when you completely use his name.

From Wikipedia:Mrs. was most often used by women when married, in conjunction with her husband’s first and last names (e.g., Mrs. John Smith). A widow was and still is addressed with the same title as when she was married. Mrs. was rarely used before a woman’s first name, maiden name, or before a hyphenated surname her husband was not using. For example, Mrs. Jane Miller (wife of John Smith), Mrs. Jane Smith, or Mrs. Jane Miller-Smith were considered incorrect by many etiquette writers

Typically, no one really cares about this anymore though.

Post # 10
Member
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@DeathByDesign:  That’s really gross. This is why I hate etiquette related to names. So sexist.

Post # 11
Member
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I presume you’ve considered the option of moving your maiden name to your middle name, and taking his last name?

Many of us chose to do that, and it’s the formal, traditional manner in which women in the U.S. have changed their names througout the years, even though very few of my own friends (most of whom married between the mid 1980s and the mid 1990s) chose to do this.

The reason I personally LOVE this option is that it preserves your current identity, while allowing you and your Darling Husband to share the same last name. You can choose whenever and wherever to use your maiden name as part of your name. 

For example, if Ms. Jane Marie Smith marries Mr. John Doe, and changes her name in the above manner, Jane then properly may be referred to in all of the following ways:

Jane Smith Doe
Jane S. Doe
Jane Doe
Ms. Jane Smith Doe
Ms. Jane S. Doe
Ms. Jane Doe
Ms. Doe
Mrs. Doe
or Mrs. John Doe

Post # 12
Member
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@vorpalette:  +1 I don’t buy into all of that book of ettiquete bs. Obviously, that’s not what OP is like, either…

Post # 13
Member
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mayflowerbride13:  

“If we don’t have the same last name then what are we introduced as for our grand entrance? I mean we wont me Mr and Mrs PM we’ll be MR M and MRS P? Doesn’t sound right.”

 

I would go by what you want to be known as socially, because this will set the stage for the rest of your life!

 

If you want to be Mr. M and Ms. P then say it that way.  I agree, Mrs. does not go with your last name. It’s Ms.

 

if you don’t want to be making such a point about it to your guests, just go by Firstname + Lastname.  People will probably assume you’re Mrs. Hislastname.  That is up to you if you are OK with it.  If not, then go with Mr. M and Ms. P route for the intro.

Post # 14
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@mayflowerbride13:  If your kids will take P-M as their last name, then I see no reason why you couldn’t have it and your husband just keep M.  You’d be “The P-M Family” though… does Fiance have a problem with that?   That Mrs. rule threw me too!  I thought I was Mrs. regardless of my name, and found out about it AFTER being married!  Not sure that would have changed my mind about how the name things worked out – but it would have been nice to know before!   FWIW, I’d want to have the same last name as my kids – so, even if your husband doesn’t add your last name, at least you and your kids would all share the same last name!

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