(Closed) mr bee’s plan fail

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think getting engaged is a decision that should be made if both parties are moving towards a similar goal, and it sounds like you fear you’re maybe not on the same page? Does he know you’re willing to walk away if he doesn’t propose at 5 years?

Post # 5
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

yeah. When I follow Mr.Bee’s plan or follow the advice from the book Why Men Marry Bitches, I tend to take it too far. I turn into an actual bitch and cause my boyfriend to think I don’t care. I’m just terrible with happy mediums. I am learning balance, but it’s hard. You have your timeline, hopefully that helps. A daily ticker might help you, but… it’s coming… sometime. 🙂 Back to the plan!

Post # 7
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I just joined a few days ago. I saw everyone talking about Mr Bee’s incredible plan and thought to myself, “Wow! This plan must be spectacular! I have to read it!”

So I did. And you know what? Didn’t like it.

Gosh, what man WOULDN’T just love to be with a woman who tries to manipulate him into marriage? That sure sounds like a healthy start to a lifetime commitment to me. Look, if the “plan” (blech) is making your boyfriend feel unappreciated then bunk it. It doesn’t sound like that great a plan to begin with.

I wasn’t clear about something in your question – is he saying that you two are more likely to get engaged if you live together first? If so, I’d caution you not to be so quick to dismiss that as BS. Many people feel that living together is the last step to confirm compatibility before locking in with another person for life. And if you love him, and if you want move toward marriage, and if living together is something he needs to feel secure before proposing, why not? Worst case scenario is you break up and you move out. Best case scenario is that he thinks, “This girl is great – maybe we really SHOULD get married.”

Post # 8
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Mr. Bee’s plan lasted all of three days over here–one of FI’s love languages is quality time, and it really made him feel ignored and unloved. Hang in there!

Post # 10
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I feel you on that, actually. I told my boyfriend the same thing when we met, and I actually HAVE lived with a boyfriend before. I made the decision for romantic reasons, though – I wanted it to feel special and new when I moved in with my fiancee or husband.

If he’s nervous about getting engaged before you’ve “played house”, and you very much don’t want to live together first, then y’all might be at an impasse. I think you’re absolutely right not to move into his parents’ place, though – if you ever do decide to live together, it should be just the two of you.

Post # 11
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

eeks, don’t move into his parent’s place with him. That’ll just cause unnecessary stress. It may be an impasse, but I also think that while it may be helpful, its not necessary to live together to know – for generations men made up their minds without living together. I think more importantly here might be you each moving out of your parents into your own places with roommates if need be.

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

not every guy is the same so its natural that not every guy will respond to the same “plan”

Post # 13
Member
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think the “plan” is not actually manipulative.  The plan is about making you feel confident and secure in yourself and your life outside of your relationship, which I think is important regardless of your relationship status and what you are trying to accomplish.  The by-product of this confidence is that it can make a guy aware of how much of a catch you actually are and that you know it. 

Post # 14
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If he’s living with his parents then he’s not able to be self sustaining yet.  Often it seems like men want to be able to take care of themselves before they want to sign up to take care of another person…and that kinda makes sense.

Post # 15
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I let Darling Husband read the plan and he said, “it’s good he’s telling you to act the same way men do”….food for thought ladies

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