Post # 1
But after reading tons of stuff on this site, and especially Mr. Bee’s Plan I wanted to share the similarities with his plan and a famous book called “The Reverse Ultimatium”….
Now before some of you get all anxious and opinionated about the word “ultimatum” being in the title, take a read first! It’s not what you think (hence the word “reverse”)
For any of you who HAVE read it, lmk if you think it’s comparable.
For any of you who have Or will read it lmk know what you think? I think for any of you women who are in the scenario where you’re about at wits end but love your man and would never want to pressure or issue an ultimatum its some good advice, perhaps next best step.
Think: being happy in your life, living your life for you (since he’s not choosing it to be lived as “we”) and controlling what you can control, your life and your happiness!
Hope you all enjoy!
Post # 2
I’m sorry, but I think Mr Bee’s plan is yet another way to impede women when they are trying to discuss their own future with the person they are going to merge it with. I insisted to discuss the engagement, the proposal (even if I don’t believe in proposals, I let my then Boyfriend or Best Friend now husband do one), the reasons we are getting engaged, the timeframe etc. I am half of that future, half of that project, half of that money… I am thus half of that process.
I think the idea to propose out of the blue to someone to merge your futures together, legally and emotionally, and not discuss it at lenght or not letting one of the party talk about it all he or she needs to is appalling. BUT I know and understand some bees want to keep that tradition, and that is fine for them, but for those numerous bees who want (rightly) to talk about it, well I think they should be able to. At least, they shouldn’t have to shut up and count the days and let their partner decide when that moment will take place. I see it as a relationship I am part of. Not an honour I am bestowed.
Honestly, and this is true, I told my then Boyfriend or Best Friend that if he wasn’t willing to talk about it with me, and decide the proposal together, I would not be able to marry him, because I can’t be in that kind of relationship. Fortunately, he totally saw my point (after a few discussions) and now, a few years later, he can’t believe he used to believe “in this silly proposal tradition” (his words lol)
Post # 3
I’ve always felt this way and I’m sticking to it:
If you need to strategize to make a man propose, you’re in the wrong relationship.
Post # 5
still don’t really get what the OP is talkin’ about but I can agree with this statement!
Post # 6
And what is Mr. Bee’s Plan?
Post # 7
girl!!! That is exactly what I said too. Who the hell is mr bee? Had me looking on Amazon for his book smh.
Post # 8
Post # 9
Found this post from six years ago: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged/
Just sayin’–if my SO isn’t willing to discuss engagement/marriage/future with me I don’t know how we could discuss other major life decisions and that would be a big clue that he wasn’t the right guy for me.
Post # 10
Thanks! Our post crossed. ; )
Post # 11
I didnt read the whole post but what you said: “being happy in your life, living your life for you (since he’s not choosing it to be lived as “we”)” the record screeched to a stop.
Why is he the one in control? If he doesn’t want to live his life as a “we” then maybe I’ll find someone who will. I agree with everything soupir
Post # 12
I don’t care for that kind of toothless faux empowerment through ~positive thinking. Yeah, you’re in control over your own happiness and own life–and that includes being in control whether or not you stay in a relationship with someone who ‘is not choosing it to be lived as “we”‘, as you said, which is likely impeding your happiness and your life.
You can’t control the weather but you sure as hell can control who you’re romantically involved with. Making the choice to leave a familiar relationship with someone who isn’t interested in the same life as you is scary, so just wait it out until you can subliminally cajole him into it or until one of you dies I guess.
Your love life shouldn’t be a game of Stratego. Living your life by How To Play manuals for human interaction sounds like an exhausting waste of time–it’s just selling you another line about how you can have your cake and eat it too.
Post # 13
Wow, just read through the “Mr. Bee” post linked above, and found it incredibly offensive. It could have been written in the 1950’s. “Your man isn’t committing to you? Don’t commit the sin of talking about it honestly, that’ll scare him away! Instead, buy a new dress, cut your hair, join a book club, wear his favorite lingerie, and make sure to cook him all of his favorite meals! Remind him what a catch you are, and he’ll commit in no time!” *barf*
Post # 14
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks Mr. Bee is full of shit! Haha. His stupid plan always annoyed me.
Post # 15
I especially love how it says not to bring up engagement but make it clear you don’t need a fancy ring….mmmmm k.