(Closed) Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan (and Backup Plan!) for getting engaged

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Mr Bee, you are a jedi mind trick master, LOL.

Plus, I think The Backup Plan is a great thing for relationships (marriages, too!) in a rut. =]. I think it’s easy to lose the “me” in a relationship when you become an “us/we”

I wish I could send this to a friend without outing myself on weddingbee to her, LOL

Post # 18
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

I think this is great advice!

I also want to add that sometimes we get used to things – I’ve seen women want to marry their guys because they’ve become used to wanting/waiting for their guy even though as the years passed they’ve actually burned out and are no longer in love.  A good friend of mine who was probably ready at year 3 and in love broke up with her guy at year 8.  The break up was long and on and off and involved him trying to give her a ring – but too late, the feeling was no longer there.  I don’t think this applies to most waiting bees but make sure you really think about whether you want to marry this guy, just because he’s a great guy or you love him doesn’t mean he’ll be a good husband or a good partner for you.  I’ve also heard of women who pressured a guy to marry them and then initiated the divorce two years later (and not for cheatings as miss nachos).  So when he does ask make sure you take the time to think about it during the engagement. 

 

Post # 19
Member
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

love it mr. bee! I didn’t have to implement the plan or back-up plan, but I think it was because I was already living the back-up plan! My last bf I was with for 5 years and so ready for him to pull the trigger, but I was super into “us” and him all. the. time. I really ignored any friends I had or interests. With Fiance I made a concerted effort to be a whole person outside of our relationship and keep my friends and hobbies and it was 100% different… I think he would have proposed inside a year if I’d given him any indication whatsoever that it was what I wanted!

Post # 20
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Mr. Bee, you hit it spot on! I was with my huband for 6 years before he proposed, and at about the 5 year mark, I had started getting antsy. While I never quite became a nagger, I did start mentioning getting married more often, which sent my man into a bit of a commitment-phobe phase. I think because he knew it was getting to be that time, he just sort of started panicking. I COMPLETELY backed off and just kept it in my head that I would not ever mention marriage again until he did, and just a few months later he was suddenly all about it. While I never had to implement the back-up plan, the first step you mentioned was key.

And Cybele, if he bails, he’s not the right guy for you… plain and simple.

Post # 21
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

Wow seeing how long some of you have been patient with your BF’s…I almost feel like a nagger now.. because my BF and I have only been dating for 7 months.. but weve been best friends for over 8 years.. and now that we are dating it almost feels thats how long we have been dating..so I’m getting ansy.

Post # 22
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

So what do you do if he brings it up all the time or alludes to it?

If I stop watching Platinum Weddings I think he’ll freak out.  But maybe I should!

HMM. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 23
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2021 - Oakland Manor

Mr. Bee you are legend – wait for it – dary. ๐Ÿ™‚

We had a quick propsal (6 mo), but it sounds like good advice!

Post # 26
Member
845 posts
Busy bee

This is great advice! I wish I would have read this before getting engaged. I never felt like I was actively waiting for a ring, but I think I brought up marriage a bit too often. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 27
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

@dorsay – Love it!

@Mr. Bee – You really are awesome! Perfect plan!

Post # 28
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House

Oh Mr. Bee, where were you 2 years ago????

Ladies, I did everything wrong.  I nagged, we fought, it was the darkest times of our relationship.  After we had been together for 2 years, I started to bring it up.  When it came up organically, we fought about it.  I became very bitter.  It didn’t help that everyone asked us all the time when we were going to make it official.  I set so many deadlines in my head and would just extend them when it became clear he wouldn’t propose within that time period.  After 4 years of being together, I was ready to move on for myself.  I told Lambster I could maybe hang on for another month, but that I was ready to make decisions about my career and moving that could either include or exclude him.  Little did I know when we had that conversation that he had the ring.  He proposed the next week.  I believe that if I hadn’t been such a nag and so focused on getting a wedding, that I would have been proposed to much sooner.  I wouldn’t have wanted to marry a girl acting the way I was acting!  My perspective has changed so much since then.  I realized what it means to start a marriage, not just plan a wedding.

Take Mr. Bee’s advice seriously if you’re in that position.  Don’t do what I did and store up resentment.  We still have to work on our issues because my bitterness has not cleared up all the way.  It’s toxic and it takes a lot of work to get it out of your life.  Never let it take hold!

Post # 29
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Mr. Bee, I agree with you 100%. I was fortunate enough to be with someone who was ready to get engaged after two months, but I’ve seen so many women focus completely on getting engaged and become frustrated with their significant others when they don’t “bite.” I never know how to respond.

I especially like the Backup Plan. #2 and #3 are pretty important general rules to live by, inside and outside of a relationship.

Post # 30
Member
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Woooooooooooow Mr. Bee! This is so, so impressive! Kudos! Seriously. This is probably the best thing I’ve seen for impatient waiting girls in a looooooong time! And it’s so complete!

Post # 31
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m going to write an Ultimatum version, Plan C! Worked famously for me! ๐Ÿ™‚

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