- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2015
Hello Bees, I have a non wedding related issue.
I love my fiance. He is Mr. Wonderful, always has a smile, very caring and affection it, and helps out around the house… ok. We don’t have children yet but this guy is going to be an A++ father. Without a doubt I am going to marry this man.
The issue is he barley makes any money… Its not that he doesn’t work, its just that he cant seem to get a high earning job and he doesn’t make half of what I make.
We are both college educated (same college). I’m a software developer and he has a degree in Economics that the can’t seem to use. Right now hes selling life/health insurance. His mentor in the field makes a six figure income (Yes really) but he just doesn’t seem to be able to.
Let me elaborate on that. At one point in our relationship, for about a year and a half (several years ago) he was unemployed. This was a horrible drag on us obviously. Besides that he works. Previously he was a cook at several restaurants, but again that doesn’t get near half my salary. Hes worked at Radio Shack, a jewelry store and now this insurance company. He is EXTREMELY personable and to me seems like a great sales man, but the market is down and no one at the company seems to be doing all that well. It feels like his salary is always out of our control.
Now yes we can pay our bills, but if I become unemployed (I just was for about 3 months) we are screwed. He cant pay his own college loans though they are MUCH less than mine. He wrecked his car about 9 months back (it was an honest accident on black ice not being irresponsible) and because I cant afford to buy another car, we cant afford to buy another car.
We have talked about this numerous times. He knows its a pet peeve of mine. But he just cant seem to land a well paying job. Whenever he says we should do something like buy a house for example I say “We cant do that until you make more money”.
And now with tax season here, he has to pay taxes on what he earned (hes a contractor so they do not come out of paychecks) and any little he does earn is going to pay taxes for a couple of months….
What should I do? Do I suck it up that I’m the bread winner and hes the stay at home dad? I’m not going to leave him over this because hes (A) wonderful and (B) does work… I’m thinking about counseling to talk about it AGAIN but it wont help the immediate issue…
A note on our upbringings as they were very different:
I come from a “You always work” house hold and put myself through college.
He is the first born of 3 boys. His father previously had a business, sold it and retired. Then they lost a lot of money when the market crashed and he doesn’t work even though they don’t have a lot of money. The mom still works but is retiring soon. I feel like he may have been “helped” a little too much…
Please help bees.