(Closed) Mrs. for lesbian couple?

posted 9 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 3
7383 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m not a big fan of formality anyway- so I would just go with Jane and Sue Smith,  and skip the Mrs., Ms. or whatever.

Post # 4
15 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

Well, my aunt and her partner have not had a commitment ceremony, though they have lived together many years. I worded their inivitation as “Ms. Tess Durbyfield and Ms. Jane Eyre”. Has this couple had a commitment ceremony?

Post # 5
200 posts
Helper bee

Hmm, I’d go with Ms if you want to do a title. Mrs is an abbreviation of Mister’s–as in, possession of the mister. Ms is much better (and really safer all around).

Post # 7
1011 posts
Bumble bee

Why don’t you ask them what the prefer?

Post # 8
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Here is what I found on the etiquette site I have been referencing: http://www.southworth.com/page.php?id=127

Same gender couples – alphabetically by last name:

Miss (or Ms.) Melissa Franklyn Miss (or Ms.) Stella Ziegler

So I guess that is another vote against Mrs.

Edit: I have to say, I personally like Mrs and Mrs (and I have plenty of Lesbian friends who use that) but like said above I think it is all personal preference.  If you wanted to acknowledge the marriage and stay within the traditional wedding invite stuff than maybe something like Ms. Jane and Josie Doe. 


Post # 9
484 posts
Helper bee

How about Ms. Jane and Sue Smith. Ms. does’t imply they are married to a man and using the one line shows you know they are married & share a last name. Putting them on two seperate lines looks like they are just roommates.

Post # 10
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Traditionally “Mrs.” was used for a married woman only with the husband’s name, and only if the woman had changed her name on marriage.  Thus, if Sally Smith married Bob Jones, she was known as “Mrs. Bob Jones” if she changed her name on marriage, and “Miss Sally Smith” if she did not.  “Mrs. Sally Jones” would indicate that she was divorced.

Applying this to a lesbian couple would be a total headache.  It would mean that they would be “Miss and Mrs. Jane Smith” (assuming that it was Sue who changed her name).  I have yet to meet a lesbian couple who would go for this version.

The rule that same-sex couples should be listed alphabetically by last name was developed before there were same-sex marriages.  It is comparable to the rule for unmarried straight couples who live together, or married couples with different last names, who also have their names on separate lines.  However, if a same-sex couple is married and one of them has changed her name, this doesn’t seem like an appropriate formula, either.

Personally, if I did not know how they wanted to be addressed, I would address them as “Mses. Jane and Sue Smith.”  Ms. is appropriate for any woman, married or not.  Using the plural form and putting their names on the same line recognizes their relationship.

Asking them how they want to be addressed is probably the best solution.  While I still cringe at addressing a married woman (straight or lesbian) as “Mrs. Jane Smith” (because I am old enough to remember that such a title is correctly applied only to a divorcee), I think that the way my friends want to be addressed trumps the theoretically correct form.

Post # 10
1 posts

baffled111:  I thought so too. However, Mrs is an abbreviation for mistress which use to mean wife. However, it seems that there would be a different prefix for same sex couples to and avoid the confusion.

Post # 11
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

How about Mss? 😉 Miss’s – possession of the (other) miss. (Sp? Miss’? Excuse my incorrect English, it’s my second language, difficult with possessives that end with an S.)

That would give a gay couple Mrs as title! 😀 Even better!

Well, possession doesn’t apply anymore, that’s sexist to me. I try to find a ‘married’ title that fits today’s movement towards gender equality.

Post # 12
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: Detroit

I addressed our invitation to a same-sex couple with the same last name as: The Mesdames Smith.

This came from Miss Manners: http://www.chron.com/life/article/Miss-Manners-Addressing-invitations-to-married-1643353.php

She said:

Use the plural form of “Mrs.” or, in the case of two gentlemen, the plural form of “Mr.” These are, respectively, “Mesdames” and “Mssrs” (“The Mesdames Sally and Betty Jones,” “The Messrs. Trevor and William Cartwright”).

All right, Miss Manners admits that these are odd plurals. But they are at least traditional and dignified.

So that’s what I did!

Post # 13
135 posts
Blushing bee

MrsJenningsToBe:  My boifriend and I love Mss. too :] She brought it up one day and I just through it was perfect.  Mss. Peters ^^

Post # 14
239 posts
Helper bee


baffled111:  I know this  is old, just wanted to say Mrs is not a contraction of Mister’s , but of Mistress, and not the current meaning of of mistress either ,    just a female title  .

I’ve  always gone for Ms msyself , married and single since it iwas designed for precisely the purpose of not announcing marital status if you didnt want to, just  as  Mister doesn’t for men.  

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