(Closed) Much older fiancé

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee

I am 22 and my SO just turned 45. I’m happy with our relationship. In fact I love our age difference. 

And it really doesn’t feel like such a big gap. He says I’m mature and I’d say he’s pretty youthful (in looks and personality) for his age. 

Most people will judge but I think once they get used to it, they stop caring. 

Post # 3
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

I personally don’t have experience with this but….

My biological grandparents were only about 3 years apart and they dicorved after a few years of marriage. Years later, my grandfather married a woman 25 years his junior. They were together for like 20 years until his death. She never married anyone else, she says he was the one and only love of her life. Of course, I grew up calling her “Grandma”, I still talk and visit with her, and she is just as good as my real grandparents.

Post # 5
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee

FutureMrsCaldwell:  i really can’t comment on how long these kinda relationships will last of course. we’re approaching our 3 year anniversary. what about you?

 

Post # 6
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Tuscan Farmhouse

When we met I was 31 and he was 52, so 21 yrs difference. We’ve been together and married 13 years since.  I remember it was hard telling my parents as my Dad isn’t much older! But it was a huge relief when done. I guess I’m an ‘old soul’ so it works and as long as love is at the core of the relationship that’s all that matters.

Post # 7
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

my husband and I are 13.5 years apart. I’m 28 and he is turning 42 this week. But I have never felt like his child: I had a full time jobbwith benefits and my own apartmenrt when we met. I am mature for my age and he is youthful and mature and in great shape. I don’t feel any age difference. I have more in common with him then when I daTed guys my own age.

Post # 8
Member
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2006

FutureMrsCaldwell:  The age of your souls is what matters. You’re both adults, and if you feel like you’re meant to be, to hell with everyone who says otherwise.

Post # 10
Member
537 posts
Busy bee

from an outsider’s perspective:

my cousin in her 30s married a man in his 50s who already had a daughter not much younger than my cousin. sure, we kinda wondered if she had daddy issues or something, but he is a nice enough fellow and everyone got over it pretty fast. if you are relaxed and not defensive, others will follow your lead.

Post # 11
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Me and my fiance are 13.5 years apart. I was worried in the beginning and he still is bothered at times by comments, but, we’ve been together off and on for about 5 years and getting married in 5 months.. we just work and I think it just depends on how much effort you both put into your relationship . I am more mature and he is more immature, he balances me out I’m high strung and he is the person that can handle me and just make me chill out. I can tell you no one thought we would make it this far though!

Post # 12
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My mother in law and father in law were 20-something years apart. Their marriage lasted until he passed away a few years ago. I know she had some problems coming from his first batch of kids, as she was only a few years older than most of them, but once she had her own, they stepped out of the way.

Post # 13
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’m 26 and he is 41, I’m def an old soul, I get along with people much older then me,rather then my own age!  

 

We we balance each other out! Honestly he’s more youthful and active then I am!  I didn’t do much before him and now I’m experiencing more stuff. it be almost 4 years 🙂

Post # 14
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

As the child of parents with a similar age gap, I think such a gap is a stupid idea and is just generally pretty creepy. I think my dad was a creep for getting with my mother when she was so young. Just ick.

And by the way, the whole thing was a huge mess once he was in his 70s while she was still in her early 50s. He was elderly while she was still young. It was just awful. It still sucks now that he’s in his 80s and in a care home while she is a very youthful lady in her early 60s. From seeing all that while growing up, I think people who enter into such relationships are blind. Age is not just a number. It matters. 

I think it is also telling that the vast majority of the time, it is older men with younger women. What does that tell you? It tells me that these men will do or say anything to have a young girlfriend (creepy), that it is most likely about the woman in her 20’s being a sexual ocmmodity rather than a soulmate, and that a 20 year age gap is more than enough for him to have control, even if she doesn’t realise it. My dad had control for many years until my mother grew wise to it. It also tells me that these men are willing to let their partner deal with them in thier old age (selfish) and that young women in their 20’s really don’t fully understand what that could mean for them.

If it was about soulmates, where are all the men with women 20 years their senior?

Post # 15
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Demi-chan:  You see that too. The older ladies are called cougars! lol

My fiance and I are 11 years apart, so not as big as 15-20 years, but it works for us. His son and my daughters are all 2 years apart, and I feel like that puts us at the same stage of life. 

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