(Closed) Much older fiancé

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 46
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I met my partner online, I wrote an add but didn’t add in my age, so when he found out, he was a bit standoffish. We actually broke up at one point cause “we were in different stages of life” he said at once. He didn’t have as much time as I did etc etc. 

 

We we are and have been back together a few months after that. age was brought up for awhile and thankfully no longer mentioned! 

 

So so not every guy is with her for her “age” etc etc

Post # 47
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

GreenOrchidsHK:  im sorry about yor father. However, are you accounting his health vs. Blaming it on his age? I’ve seen morbidly obese 20-30 year olds who run out breath, can’t even run 1/2 a mile, have diabetes, drink, smoke, ext. But the are “Young” if you count by chronological age. My husband is 42; he avoids sugar, alcohol, smoking, runs a minimum of 3 miles a day and does weights. His health is superb. It’s better than mine. I can’t run past a mile. Your dads health and inability to play was not because of his age but because of his health. My husband just installed wooden floors in our bedroom, by himself as a surprise. He was on his hands and knees and vibrantly full of energy. Just because you are young does not mean you are healthy. My step dad is in his 60s and is vibrant; sails, yoga, walks, and travels. Vs I’ve seen 64 olds that are crippled and can’t even walk. your body ages, but you can make your body age faster or slower based on how you abuse it, or don’t abuse it.

Post # 48
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

BookTea:  I have a few friends with older parents and according to them it wasn’t ideal either.  One of my friends father was in his 50s when she was born. She doesn’t remember him ever being able to hold her or played with her. When she went off to college he was on his 70s. It was tough for her family even though her father didn’t have major health issues because he couldn’t retire yet. 

It wasn’t ideal, but it could be done. Just giving my 2 cents. 

 

Post # 49
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

GreenOrchidsHK:  I understand what youre saying, but you are still not addressing the issue: what was the health conditions of these men? Because if you’re healthy, you should still be jogging at 50. Heck, my grandpa does cardio (not fast) for an hour and a half a day and he is 84 And kicking ass. People in my family live to be up to 103. 

if this man could not pick up his daughter and play with her at 50, there was something lacking in his physical health. It’s not Due to his age. It’s due to how poorly he took care of himself.

further, there are plenty of parents with disabilities In their 20s who don’t run and play with their children. that does not make them less parents?

my dad is in his 70s, the man is an ex marine and jobs everyday for an hour.

im just tired of people grouping unhealthy to 50. Your health is contigent on you. Just because you observed men who don’t take care of themselves it doesn’t make it universal. 66% of Americans are overweight and obese. That means a lot of 30 year old mothers and fathers won’t be playing with their children because they can’t keep up.

Post # 50
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

BookTea:  Absolutely. If you can’t pick up or run after your your child at age 50, you have serious issues that have nothing to do with age.  Most people that I know who are in great condition over 60 have exercised their entire lives (and usually are not smokers).   You just need to make a little effort.

Post # 51
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

BookTea:  I don’t think it’s a health issue.  He’s fairly healthy even being in his 70’s now. I think it may be a stamina, strength, fear of breaking his back, age related issues or who knows. 

Post # 52
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

GreenOrchidsHK:  Some guys are just “whiney”.  You just need to decide each relationship on its own basis. If someone is already ready for a rocking chair at 40, chances are they have already chosen not to temain active as they get older.

Post # 53
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Brad Pitt is 50, Johnny Depp is 51. Michael Jackson was 50 when he died. Everyone is different. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  SellyJo.
Post # 54
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee

SellyJo:  pretty much. my boyfriend was in the special forces, has exercised pretty much every day of his life, eat well, and takes good care of himself. i’m not in nearly as good shape as he is. 

Post # 56
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

FutureMrsCaldwell:  It sounds cruel because it is cruel. Eventually most age gaps like this will lead to a situation like that. Harsh but true. Old age is not pleasant and I personally don’t think it’s fair to make a child witness their father wither to it while they’re still just a kid. You’re more equipped to handle it in your 20s, 30s, 40s, but a ten year old is pretty helpless. I was very aware my father was old and it was a constant worry for me growing up that he would die. By the time he went into a care home, I was ridiculously jaded and I was only 21. I don’t think that was fair and it’s not something I would ever do to a child having experienced it myself. 

Of course not every single one of these relationships is only about sex, but for a lot of them you simply can’t convince me that the fact that the man has a woman so much younger isn’t one of the appeals for him. If they were all about the whole ‘soulmate’ thing, like I said, women with men 20 years younger wouldn’t be such a rarity. As a poster pointed out, these women are called cougars…predators.

And the whole ‘father not agreeing’ with me thing. That is a serious issue but it’s very, very hard for people who did not grow up with a father several generations apart from them to know what that is like. It a source of many problems. Think of your grandfathers generation…sexism, homophobia, racism etc were all rife and mostly acceptable when they were growing up. Make an old man from that generation live with a teenager who has never known such a world and there will be clashes. My mother had to work as a mediator for years.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  Demi-chan.
Post # 57
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

Demi-chan:  i understand that this YOUR experience. But it is not a universal truth.

i have numerous friends who’s fathers are in their 70s and they are striving.

i still have family in their 80s and 90s and they are striving.

thus, not everyone has a withering father at 70.

it also appears you have a very negative view vs a gratitude view.

out of all my friends who have older dads, only ONE passed away at 70. And he was obese, smoked, and had diabetes caused by obesity. He passed away at 70. Not because of his age but because of his health. Despite being fatherless at 25, she was grateful to have had 25 years with him. Some people like me, havent even had 5 years with Their father. i only see him once a year. I’ve had my step dad as the active father figure. So you are damn lucky and just sound like a little brat throwing a tantrum because she didn’t have daddy till 30.

michael Douglas is 70 is still striving.

people with unhealthy oldEr parents shouldn’t assume all “older” people are withering away like theirs. It’s easier to blame their withering parents on age vs focusing on the fact that your parent didn’t take care of themselves . My step dad in his 60s could bench press you and out run you and myself by miles any day. 

Post # 58
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

After reading some of these responses I am truly appalled how closed minded and negative people are. This is ridiculous! You need to ignore these morons and idiots!

My fiance is 14 years older and I am not a serial fantasy and he is not creepy and we have many things I. Common but things different too. I don’t want to be with someone who is just like me, otherwise I would date myself. 

Look at Sting – he’s like almost 70 and healthier and more active than myself who is in their 20’s. Just because you get old does t mean you have to be taken care of. Take care of yourself and you won’t need to have your spouse do it for you. And if your fiance is a doctor I’m guessing he already takes care of himself.

If you and your fiance are happy, and know you are right for each other then experience life together and your marriage as in the end it’s your life and these experiences are 1 in 7billion.

 

Post # 59
Member
1392 posts
Bumble bee

sweetdee89:  Same here.. I was more shocked by how many people found Demi’s first post helpful….

Post # 60
Member
1612 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I didn’t have parents with a huge age gap (like 3 years) and the difference between my husband and I is only 6 years. I did however have older than usual parents and I see that having an older parent has come up in the conversation. My mom was 41 and my dad was 44 when I was born. They got married the year before and I was their only child. It never bothered me having older parents. My dad rode bikes with me, my mom swam and went ice skating with me. I never felt like I missed out in any way by them not being younger. The only downside is having then aging at a younger age than many of my friends. My dad died of cancer is his early 60s when I was just starting grade 12. I had lots of support and dealt with it. There are no gurantees when your parents will get sick or die…it could happen when you’re 50 or when you are a child. My mom is now 79 and is more active than I am I think. She’s always on the go. She says that I kept her young and hip lol.

Just my 2 cents.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  LarLa.

The topic ‘Much older fiancé’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors