(Closed) Much older fiancé

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 61
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

LarLa:  it sounds like you had/have a lovely family. I’m sorry about you dad.

Post # 62
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

GreenOrchidsHK:  

I agree with you. The concept of age being just a number is rather silly. No, it’s not just a number, because we all have a finite number of years, and you cannot stop physical deterioation. I am in my 30s, and despite being active, physically fit, slim, a non-smoker and very moderate drinker, I am beginning to notice certain things that were not present in my 20s. When I was a teenager I completed a classical ballet and dance education with four to five hours of training six days per week from age 12 to 19.

That’s a heck of a lot of physical activity. I also did Pilates twice per week, and daily stretching classes for 30 minutes. Lately, I’ve noticed that my knees are a bit creaky, my back isn’t as flexible anymore as it was a few years ago, and a few other small things. I know these admittedly minor issues won’t magically reverse in the coming decades, because I am not getting younger. No, age isn’t just a number, and the process of aging is very real. It happens a bit slower for some than for others, but there is a general pattern of physical decline and none of us is exempt.

Post # 63
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

My Fiance and I are 8 years apart. Yes my family thought it was strange until my cousin married a man the same age as her dad and the thought of my relationship went out the door. If the gap is to big i find it strange….51 yr old with a 20 yr old ( little creepy in my eyes). But remember this ( my fi mom told us this because we dont get along with my sister) you are living for yourselves no one else. Don’t let anyone bring you down and live for each other.

Post # 64
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

BookTea:  

I don’t quite understand. What are they striving towards at their respective ages? Normally, you strive for a career, but people in their 70s and 80s should be retired? More children? I am honestly confused… Or are they striving (in the sense of struggling, fighting) against something (e.g., illness)?

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by Profile Photo Persephone.
Post # 65
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

Persephone:  my yoga teacher is in her 80s and has the flexibility a gymnast

Post # 66
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

Persephone:  striving, as in they have not given up, they still “continue to make great efforts”(Definition of striving). They continue to make efforts to eat healthy, excerise, and stay mentally and emotionally healthy. Vs. neglecting themselves and surrendering (watching tv for 10 hours a day, smoking, eating unhealthy, ext).

 

Post # 67
Member
432 posts
Helper bee

BookTea:  

I also have a Yoga teacher who is in her 70s, and she freely admits that she is no longer as flexible as she was when she was younger. You’d probably say that I have the flexibility of a gymnast, too. After all, I can still do splits and oversplits (above 180 degrees), I can do walkovers, cartwheels, and all kinds of things, but it’s just not the same way it was when I was a teen and in my 20s!

Post # 68
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Just to offer a perspective here –

Imagine you meet someone, you hit it off with them really well and you feel like they’re perfect for you in every way. You get on like a house on fire, you feel like they’re your best friend and the cutest guy you’ve ever met, like they complete you, they’re your other half, you can’t imagine life without them. But, they happen to be 20 years older than you.

What are you going to do? Throw away something that had massive potential and that made you the happiest you’ve ever been, ”just” because of the age gap?

I know someone who fell in love with someone 17 years older than her. She hesitated for a while, but eventually figured life’s too short… if you meet your ”Mr Right”, just go for it. They had a wonderful 35 years together. After that, he passed away. She doesn’t regret any second of her life with him… she had been single for a long time before she met him and he was definitely the love of her life.

She could have walked away… but who’s to say that she would have met someone else that ‘completed’ her in the same way that he did?

I just don’t think that anyone should judge.

Post # 69
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Persephone:  I’m not sure of the point you’re trying to make? So someone is active and fit in their 70’s but because they are not the same as they were in their 20’s it doesn’t count? I will have had 30 years with my Fiance by the time he’s 70…are you suggesting I should just end it now, simply because he’s not got the flecibility of a 20 year old? 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  SellyJo.
Post # 71
Member
18 posts
Newbee

I am 28 and my Fiance is 40. We’ve been together 7 years in March and I’m certainly not a sexual fantasy or anything ‘creepy’. I find that rather insulting! We are getting married in May and are stronger as a couple than anyone I know. We are soul mates and the age difference doesn’t matter to us at all. 

Post # 72
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Demi-chan:  good for you for speaking up despite the unpopularity of your message.  I’ve had older guys try to hit on me, I’ve also heard older ladies complain that men their age want someone younger, no wrinkles, more impressible maybe even more malleable?  We see the older man, much younger woman  all around us, even in commercials. It’s waaay less common in reverse. My father was 10 years older than my mother. Age does make a difference. Their relationship worked out and we were ok but I can see how age could negatively impact chldren especially with a large difference. Most definitely you have some valid points. As someone said above, age is more than just a number. Hopefully the age differences work out for everyone including the chldren involved.

Post # 73
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

FutureMrsCaldwell:  my fiance is 36. i am 24. i don’t see an issue with it. i do understand what you talk about when saying you are viewed as child. i too am viewed as child and its not nice. i’m sorry for you.

Post # 74
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

SoonMrsCrocker2:  my father was 10 years older then my mom. His age impacted us in no way.

stop blaming your parents lack of physical responsibility  (gym, diet, ext) on their age. If he was an ass, it’s because he is an aSS, not because he is older. He would be an ass even if they were the same age. Further, all the assholes I ever dated were within my age range.

mynhusband is 42 and I’m sure he can outrun and loft more than any of my friends.

My mom is about to turn 55, the woman works out 2+ hours a day and is stronger then me and can run for miles.

some of you guys are so judgemental. Some people fall in love with younger guys, some with younger ladies. Others fall in love with people their age. 

Post # 75
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

BookTea:  not sure if you meant to respond to me as i didn’t “blame” anyone for “lack of physical responsibility” nor was I “judgemental”.  I  said that other posters had made some valid points, which there’s no denyng, they have. I understand your personal concern with ths issue, I have no horse in this race so to speak, my fiance and I are close in age. I hope the age differences work out for everyone, including their children.

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