(Closed) Much older fiancé

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 76
Member
1393 posts
Bumble bee

it’s one thing to say “this happened to me.” it’s another to think “this happened to me so it happens to most everybody.” 

Post # 77
Member
6552 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

The reality is that in general, men live for a shorter time than do women. Add to that the fact that most people (men especially) face a number of years of decline before passing, and a substantial age gap is something to be wary of. My dad was 22 years older than my mum. She became a caretaker just as she was really in the prime of her life, and she became a widow at the age of 50. Her case isn’t unusual for similar age gaps. As for me, I had an aging dad who was unable to do many of the things he did as a younger man, and I lost a parent when I was 17.

Of course, accidents can happen to anyone, but the reality is that in relationships with significant age gaps, the younger spouse is almost sure to lose their partner at a relatively young age. People are fond of saying that you can’t help who you fall in love with, but I don’t think that’s true. If we are attracted to someone and find out they are married, the right thing to do is to not pursue a rleationship. Likewise, I do believe it is in the younger person’s better interests not to choose to become involved with a significantly older partner. Love does not conquer age, disability and death.

Post # 78
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

FutureMrsCaldwell:  23 years is a lot. I was engaged for a long time to someone 20 years older than myself. In the beginning it was great, but over time the differences became more apparent. I received this piece of advice “don’t set up your life so youre left alone in the middle of it”. 45 is still relatively young, 55 less so and 65 is generally an old man in many ways. this relationship is working for you at the moment, and you’re only 22… Feel free to live in the moment. You literally have your whole life ahead of you. I would say enjoy yourself and see where the next 5 years take you. 

Post # 79
Member
1393 posts
Bumble bee

echomomm:  

someone said this a while ago…but if you meet someone and you fall in love with them and they make you increadibly happy, should you really just throw all of that away because things could possibly go wrong down the road? i can’t believe you compared a loving, faithful relationship to dating a married man.

Post # 80
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee

echomomm:  I know widows on their 20s.

if my husband passes at 83, and I’m 70, It was worth it. It can’t be compared to the lack of morals of being with a married man like some other poster wrote.

its silly to give up a good thing just because you night outlive someone. We are not talking about 40 year age gap, women here are posting about 10-15 year age gaps. Most of my family members pass away at the age of 103. I know others were familys members pass away on average in their 60s…but they smoke, drink, eat junk and don’t take care of themselves. It’s beyound annoying for people to keep blaming someones age. my grandfather is 84, still lives by himself, does cardio for an hour each day, cleans his house “for a minimum of an hour a day” and is in a healthy BMI range. The man is kicking ass.

im sorry yor father passed away early in life, but I’m sure if you looked at lifestyle choices, you would see the cause. (Unless it’s cancer, diabetes, car accident, ext. And if that’s the case, his age had nothing to do with it).

Post # 81
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

FutureMrsCaldwell:  Age really is just a number. What matters is how well you two are connected and if you are compatible mentally, physically and emotionally.

With that being said; always trust your gut. Often times your mind and heart can play tricks on you.. 

My fiance and I are 13 years apart and it works for me.. I couldnt be happier.

Post # 82
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2006

There is a 37yr age gap here

met and married in just under 7months and in March we celebrate 9yrs together. 

i love that people are shocked out gap and he gets called my dad  now and then which is funny. 

However still in love, still happily married and yeah we fight what couple doesn’t but we really wouldn’t be without each other 

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