- 5 years ago
I have a family situation that I am not sure how to resolve.
I am 32. Got engaged a year and a half ago to my now husband who I had been seeing for 4 years. We both live in San Francisco. We didn’t get married within the first year after our engagement because we couldn’t figure out how to pay for a wedding that included his very large family who lives on the East Coast. This past April, I lost my job and health insurance at the same time that I was having serious health problems, so we ended up getting married at the court house that same day with no family or friends present because we wanted to get me on his health insurance. My husband was disappointed that we didn’t have a wedding and reception, and we still have yet to exchange rings since everything was planned the same day. We took my parents out to dinner afterwards to tell them we got married ( since they live nearby) and my mom was very hurt that I didn’t include her. We told everyone that we would plan a reception for sometime within the next year, but didn’t want to set a date because I may have some surgeries ahead of me and unpredictible recovery times. We had budgeted around 6K for a close friends and family only wedding, but with my medical bills were struggling to justify spending that much. This summer, my brother got engaged ( he and his finace are 29) His fiance has already set a date and started planning a big wedding in my parents backyard and orchard. I would have liked to do something similar for my wedding, but we couldn’t figure out how to responsibly pay for it knowing that I had medical bills that could come up at any time and that given my age, we will probably be having kids in the next 5 years and want to save for that and a house. ( REALLY expensive here) My parents are going to be paying 8K or so towards my brothers wedding ( so that the bride’s parents aren’t the only one’s paying for it) even though they didn’t have any money to offer me for mine. ( My brother also makes twice what I do) Meanwhile, my mom is still really hurt that my husband and I haven’t had a wedding and keeps telling me how wonderful it is that my brother is having this big wedding. I can help but be a little frustrated that my mom is guilting me for not throwing a wedding when I would have liked to do what my brother is doing for his, but I couldn’t put that much money together espeially without any help from family. I also feel terrible that my health and lack of savings has kept my husband from getting the kind of wedding he wanted. The stress of knowing I will attend my brothers wedding with all the family there, and have to face people in front of my husband and admit that I couldn’t pull a wedding together for myself is going to be humiliating. I think that court house weddings and elopements are great and a responsible use of money, but somehow I still feel like a complete failure for not having any kind of celebration. Should I try still to have some sort reception knowing it would likely have to be sometime next spring, after I have dealt with my medical issues? Or would I be stealing the spotlight from my soon to be sister inlaw who has set their date for June of next year? Should I try to appease my mom by doing something or given that it’s a stretch financially, should I just go on a honeymoon with my husband and exchange rings there without family?