(Closed) Multiple FMILs…

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think it kind of depends on the relationship between your Fiance and his step mom, and you and his step mom. 

I’m in the exact same situation… dealing with FI’s dad and step mom, and mom and step dad. It’s a lot of inlaws. 🙂 I feel like I could definitely get away with doing this stuff without his step mom because she would know that it would be too weird to have both of them there. As long as I made an effort to do something with her too I don’t think she would mind at all. BUT- Fi’s step mom/mom aren’t really like competing for his/our attention or anything. Everyone is pretty content to just ignore each other forever. heh.

Post # 4
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

ouch, that’s a rough decision to make! What did your Fiance suggest? What kind of terms are the women on? If they’re on speaking terms, and you really want to do the dayspa thing, I’d say just go for it and hope they’re on good behavior. Afterall, they’re bound to end up at a certain amount of wedding related events together.

If they’re not on good terms though, or have an level of cattiness, I’d say either do the spa with a more selective group or drop it all together.

Post # 5
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t know the situation but just from what you wrote it doesn’t seem like it would be bad to exclude the step-mom.  I think she’d understand that the situation is a bit delicate.

Post # 6
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Maybe you can do the spa day as you originally planned and then take your FI’s stepmom for a nice relaxing lunch/dinner? That way you aren’t completely ignoring her, you just aren’t creating the awkward ex wife/new wife thing. I would ask your Fiance what his opinion is and maybe he can ask his dad what he suggests. I know you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and are thinking of others but if a spa day is what YOU need then you should do it! Even if it means just you, your mom and sister, that way nobody on your FI’s side can say they weren’t invited because you can use the it was only my family arguement? Just a suggestion!

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