Post # 1
Anyone else feeling dissapointment at the lack of bachelorette parties, showers, and “bestie” bridesmaids? I have moved 4 times since college and now that I’m in my early 30s, most of my friends are really busy having babies. In my early 20s, I was an involved bridesmaid for several of my friends. I planned parties and helped with all kinds of wedding tasks and DIY decorations. (Yes, I was totally doing all those crafts until late at night when pinterest was at it’s most popular!)Now that I’m getting married, I’ve realized how few close friends I still have.
Now most of my friends live a plane flight away and 2 people have (understandably) dropped out of the wedding party because of pregnancy and inabilty to travel. Another one is relocating abroad temporarily for work and might have to also drop out due to travel costs. Most of these girls are too busy to even skype these days. We make plans to facetime or skype and something always comes up. Obviously, there won’t be a bachelorette or shower, but now I’m kind of worried none of my closest friends will even be at the wedding.
I’m not angry at any of these friends. I’m sincerely very happy for them and completely see how they can’t travel to my hometown with their family and work obligations. It’s just making me feel down. I know I am so incredibly lucky to have a loving, wonderful fiance…I just wish I had a couple of close girlfriends that lived nearby and could do all those cheesy/girly pre-wedding events with me. I feel like all of my friends have moved on to the next stage in life without me. It doesn’t make it any easier that my fiance is leaving for an epic Vegas bachelor party and very few of his friends have children.
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2019 - City, State
Have you tried talking to them about how you’re feeling? You say you’re happy for them, but they still should somewhat come together for your day. Maybe not throw crazy parties, but I still think they should be able to communicate with you right now. Hopefully everything works out!
Post # 3
Ugh. There is nothing worse than feeling shitty and knowing full well it’s no one’s fault… It’s a lot easier when you can blame your emotions on people being dickheads. It’s much harder when it’s just plain a matter of life not being fair.
You and your friends are all at a different stage in life than when they got married in their early twenties. So your experience isn’t the same and won’t be the same. That sucks and you have every right to have a case of the sads!
But don’t forget to also look on the bright side of things as well. Getting married later has plenty of its own benefits, like more stability and a stronger sense of who you are as a person going into your marriage.
Maybe you won’t get some super crazy bachelorette party, but is that something you really want at this point anyways, or do you just feel like you’re missing out because that’s supposed to be part of it? I’m in my 30s and I can tell you right now that getting shitfaced and drinking out of penis straws is absolutely not something I have any interest in doing right now lol
And I agree with the PP – talk to your friends! Tell them you’re sad and why. I’m sure they will happily do what they can to make you feel special, even if it’s not some epic bachelorette weekend.
Post # 4
pianoplayingbee : Do you have any family members or family of your husband who you could develop a closer relationship with? I am 34 and hardly talk to my friends most of the time. (I have a group text with my two best friends but it is silent most of the time, and we get together maybe twice per year, despite living 5 minutes apart) But I have become so much closer with my family. My brothers’ wives, my husband’s sister, and two of my cousins are now my new “best friends.” I wonder if there is a family member who might like to step up as a bridemaid, throw you a shower, and help with wedding crafts? I was always a shy person, so it is only recently that I have learned how receptive people can be to developing closer relationships when you put yourself out there.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2017 - California
I totally get this! It does seem much easier to do all of these things when everyone is in their 20s and does not yet have kids and especially where your close friends all live in the same place. In my case, I was sad that several of my friends to whose weddings I had been to or been in were not able to come to my wedding, mostly due to have children and not being able to travel easily. Some friends with young kids did come, but they were in the minority. I think what made me happy in the end was that on the day itself it was perfect. Everyone who could make it made it and everyone who could not did not and it was an awesome day. I wasn’t thinking about who was not there or the fact that I did not have a bridal shower or an engagement party or any of those things. I also did not have bridesmaids because, similar to you, my close friends were scattered around and had young kids so it was not realistic to have bridesmaids for me. None of these things were on my mind on that day. My husband and I had an amazing time and we were surrounded by love. When the day comes you are not going to remember the lows that came before, all you will remember is how great of a day you had!
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2019 - A historic Art Deco and French Renaissance Theatre
I’m so sorry to hear this bee :-/ But know you’re not alone. I guarantee there are plenty of us other bees out there who feel the same way and who would be willing to chat. Where there is a will there is a way. And you reached out to a very helpful forum 🙂
Post # 7
If it helps, lots of us who got married in our thirties feel the same and have similar experiences.
Post # 8
You are not alone!!! I am in my 30’s and getting married this summer. My Maid/Matron of Honor is due with her first child in June and will miss the Bachelorette party we have planned for years! One Bridesmaid or Best Man will be 8 months pregnant at the wedding and 2 SIL’s dropped out of the wedding due to children/pregnancy.
While I was originally disappointed at all of these things I understand that this is what happens when you get married in your 30’s and I am so happy for all of my close friends starting/growing their families.
What if you throw yourself a bachelorette party for just you? Go on a solo trip somewhere you have always dreamed of going.
Just try to focus on you and your soon to be husband, because thats all that matters in the end!
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2019 - Mountains
I’m definitely in the same boat and I’m in my late 30s. Most of my friends are still single but I think most of us have been to enough weddings that we’re just kind of over it. I’m not having a wedding party though because I’m more concerned with my friends coming to the wedding and reception. I don’t live near most of my friends so a shower/bachelorette isn’t going to happen but I want my friends to have money to come to the wedding. We’ll just do a girls night in the night before. Try to think of other things to do with your friends instead.