Post # 1
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
Hi Bees,
So I am the Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding. Just wondering how I handle attending multiple showers. Her mother and I organized her shower and I gave her (what I feel was) a very generous gift. Now, her in-laws and sorority group have organized two additional showers. She has invited her bridal party to accompany her to each of these. Is it necessary I give her two additional gifts? She didn’t indicate not to bring an additional gift in her invite. Is there a polite way to broach the topic with her?
Post # 3
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
I don’t think you need to give her any additional gifts. Give what you are able and comfortable with, and I think that’s more than generous! She may just want you at the other showers because you’re her close friend. 🙂
Post # 4
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
If you already gave a generous gift, I wouldn’t give another gift. If you feel uncomfortable going without a gift, I would bring something small of her registry (something in the $20 range.)
Post # 5
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee
I would just directly ask her. This is odd and uncomfortable, but she should have realized how uncomfortable this is for you too.
Post # 6
Member
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
No, it’s not expected that you give another gift. It’s usually not mentioned in the invitation either.
It is fairly common for the bride to thank you at any additional showers for the gift that you gave her previously.
Post # 7
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
Each guest should ideally be invited to only one shower for this exact reason.
Asking people to give multiple gifts is not fair. A shower is the one party where etiquette dictates that you must bring a gift. If you don’t want to or are unable to provide another gift, I think you should decline.
Just because you are invited doesn’t mean you have to go. If you want to go, then get her something very small like a set of tea towels.
Post # 8
Member
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@andielovesj: It’s common for the BMs to be at more than 1 shower.
Post # 9
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
If you feel uncomfortable not bringing a gift you can always make her a memento or something memorbale and sentimental.
Post # 10
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper
I absolutely don’t think it’s necessary or even expected that you give a gift for each shower. One is plenty, IMO.
If you were the Mom, then yes, I’d expect that you’d bring gifts to each shower if invited, but as a BM? Nope.
Post # 11
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
If I were invited to more than one shower for the same guest of honor, I would not feel compelled to give additional gifts above and beyond what I would give if I were only attending one shower. I would either give the one gift I planned to give at one of the showers, or, if my gift was actually a collection of several items, I may choose to divide the items between or among the showers. However, I would not, in total, give more than I would normally have wanted to give for a single shower.
Post # 12
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
If you are comfortable enough with it, I would definitely ask the bride her thoughts. Chances are, your presence will be present enough! 🙂 Sorry…that cheesy line always gets me.
I ran into this with some of my bridesmaids. I ended up having two showers in one weekend. I invited my girls to both of them. Before the invites went out, I sent them a Facebook message, telling them that they would be invited to both. I told them that I didn’t know the proper way to say this, and I didn’t want to assume anything, but please do not feel like you have to bring a gift to both. Since they were both the same weekend, and my bridesmaids were traveling into town, I didn’t want them to feel left out.
If you feel like you want to bring a smaller gift, you could always do that.
Post # 13
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
It is customary to invite the mothers of the bride and groom, and bridesmaids, to any showers thrown for the bride. You do not need to give gifts at all showers.
Post # 14
Member
10571 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
From Emily Post:
How many showers can be given?
Multiple showers are okay, but be sure to invite different guests to each party. Only close family and members of the wedding party may be invited to more than one shower.
As an attendant, I’ve been invited to more than one shower. Do I have to bring a gift to each one?
As a guest, if you’re invited to more than one shower, you only need to bring a gift to the first one—and that goes for members of the wedding party, too. If you don’t want to come to the second party empty-handed, you can always bring something inexpensive, such as a small bouquet, chocolates, or even some homemade goodies. Brides: if you have a guest in this position, it’s nice to make a mention of their previous gift.
Post # 15
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
Although my bridal party came to both of my showers, I didn’t expect gifts from them at both showers… Heck, I didn’t expect gifts from them at all 🙂 I think they all only gave me a gift at one shower… My mom gave me gifts at both showers, but I think she was the only repeat gifter 🙂
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